(Closed) How do you cope with a know-it-all MIL (rant…)

posted 5 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think the only way to avoid her doing things you don’t approve of with your children is to bring them to an alternate day care.

Post # 5
Member
209 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I am a bit worried about that as well MIL is actually really good in other areas but I have seen her feed other young kids junk food!  I plan on providing the food when she looks after our child, could you do that?  

You could send your child to her with a lunch box full of healthy food for the day and ask her to please only feed them that (If they are up to eating solds) or if they are younger maybe explain that they are only drinking milk for now and please don’t feed them anything else.   if your cousin didnt confront her on how upset she was with the tootsie pop maybe she didnt know.

Post # 7
Member
5405 posts
Bee Keeper

All you can really do is make it clear to her as nicely as possible that you want to do X with your baby and hope she listens. But to a certain point you have to trust her if she will be watching your baby. 

Post # 8
Member
7653 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

But in all seriousness, I worry about my MIL as well. They have a LOT of baby proofing to do, and since MIL is a hoarder and pretty lazy I am sure she won’t get around to it. My thing is if the house isn’t baby proofed or a mess with stuff I guess baby can’t go there. I want him/her safe.

The most you can do is discuss how you want your baby to be handled and if you feel you can’t trust her to take crae of your child then you should probably find a different baby sitter.

Post # 9
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper

@megz06:  LMAO that is too funny! I love my MIL but man that is hysterical!!

Post # 10
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Well it certainly doesn’t sound like she’s trying to undermine the way you want to raise your child (or any other person’s child she babysits).  She just sounds clueless!  I’d say to have you or your husband, or the both of you, ask her out to coffee, lunch, etc. and casually bring up that from day one, you are going to have certain standards and “do’s and don’ts” in how you raise your child and it will be a major help for her to uphold your boundaries when she’s watching your child.  It’s normal for the older generation to provide guidance to the younger generation whether it’s asked for or not, but when it involves the manner in which you will be rasing your child, standards need to be set.  Children need regularity and consistency in how they’re raised.

My FIL can be bossy and a know-it-all sometimes but he has good intentions.  He’s helpful to the point of being overly helpful… trying to tell us what kind of headlights to put in our cars, how much we should spend on certain things.  DH and I have stopped telling him when we make certain purchases like a new computer or anything big and worth mentioning, because he has a fit and tells us that we don’t need it or we spent too much.  It’s annoying but I’ve learned to brush it off.  🙂

 

 

Post # 11
Member
1813 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@Mrs.D:  Stand your ground.  I’ll use my BIL as an example – they live above his inlaws, and all the grandparents are overinvolved and always go against what BIL and his wife say or do with regards to their kids.  This has led to them all but giving up.  Now?  They have severe issues with the boy – so severe that they are now seeing a psychologist to try and fix the problems. 

The first thing the psychologist told them was to set ground rules and sit the g-parents down and lay them out.  Either stick with them or stay out. If MIL is babysitting I would also try to get the babysitting to happen in your house – say it’s for the baby so he has all his things around him and less for you to carry over.  Then have food ready in the fridge and don’t ask but insist that’s what he’s to eat.

Post # 12
Member
3050 posts
Sugar bee

Your baby, your rules. your number 1 job is to keep your baby safe. Be very clear about your expectations as well as the consequences- she will not be allowed to be alone with the baby. Mean it. She walks over people because they let her. My head would be spinning if she gave my infant CANDY, let alone a choking hazard. 

my best advice is a serious conversation and mean it when you say she will only have supervised time with the baby. 

Post # 13
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@Mrs.D:  Mmm…I think you have to do one of two things here: 

1) Find alternative daycare arrangements for your child

2) Suck it up and stop bitching about your mother in law if she’s going to babysit your kid every day for free. 

You know when you said that if your nieces can’t get what they want at home they run on over to Grammy’s house and she gives it to them? Yeah, that’s what Grandparents do. I know it seems maddening and unfair to you that she does stuff like that, but she’s an overindulgent grandmother and that’s the risk you run living so close to grandparents. If you know that you two are prone to disagreement then I’m assuming you must be in a bad financial position or something, because I can’t think of another reason you’d choose to move next door to a woman you obviously dislike and disagree with on everything from Wedding decor to lolipops. 

If she’s going to be looking after your kid then you should maybe lay some ground rules. Don’t insinuate that she’d be doing anything wrong raising the child ‘her way’, just be clear that you and DH have your own way and you’d like her to do certain stuff certain ways to make sure the baby has a consistent upbringing. I think that if you try to confront her you will DEFINITELY offend her, so a gentle approach is required. 

If you don’t trust your MIL, there are things you can do. If you believe that she’d hide how she was spoiling your child from you then you could maybe ask your SIL to spy for you. maybe she could go in and casually observe how your MIL disciplines/interacts with her grandchild and report back to you and DH. 

I have to ask though: does your MIL watch your nieces a lot? Maybe she spoils them because she is only a grandma to them, not a free daycare. She might be different with your child if she is looking after it day to day. If you think she’s spoiling your kid then move them to daycare. 

Post # 14
Member
983 posts
Busy bee

Providing your own food and schedule is the best solution. Have her write down feeding times/what the baby was fed.  Be strict, put your foot down with her to start.  Don’t let her have the upper hand.  Been there, done that.

Post # 16
Member
847 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

@Mrs.D:  Okay, sorry if I got things a little mixed up. And yeah, I know what you mean: my grandma has this serious ‘Granny knows best’ thing were she treats everyone like a confused child. Ugh, it’s infuriating!

your MIL is a grandparent though, so you should expect her to spoil your kid a little and yeah, she probably will go against you at times. But as long as you make sure your child looks to YOU as an example and is brought up with the values you think are important then there’s not necessarily anything wrong with that. 

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