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How do you cope with disappointment?

posted 3 months ago in TTC
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    1.
    Member
    186 posts
    Blushing bee
    smokingpoint    September 1, 2012   NY

    Hi bees. I've been having a hard time lately and could use some help. I've been TTC for the past year with no success. [The short version of what's been happening: after 5 months of trying on our own, we went to see a fertility doc due to my age. Been doing IUI's for the past 5 or so cyles. Was able to get pregant from one but had a miscarriage early on. Other than that, no other pregnancies.]

    Each month I go to the doctor and get some new hormone level tested and feel very discouraged to hear how my hormones are not moving in a good direction - things are going up that should be lower, and things that are low should be higher. Nothing is outrageously abnormal, but I feel outrageously devestated every time I go to the doc and get some new tests done and feel awful. It is so hard dealing with this and I feel very alone, as most people I know have not had any problems having children. I don't know how to not get overwhelmed by this process.  Anyone have any good advice out there on how to stay positive and deal with disappointemnt when it doesn't happen each month? I am feeling very sad and discouraged. On top of all of this, my FI and I have been fighting a lot more due to all the stress and am generally having a hard time. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. 

     
    2.
    Member
    2,371 posts
    Buzzing bee
    squeak35    July 7, 2011   Cali

    -Friends.  My close gf and family know that we're TTC so I reach out to them often.  Several of my gf have had fertility issues, so they understand where I'm coming from.  Plus they know if I call and say I need a break, they will be the first to take me to sushi and the local wine bar.

    -Books.  I love my local library and I have a queue of books waiting to be read.  I read everything but fertility books cause I know more than enough.

    -Limiting Internet Time.  I've had to step away when I get to obsessive.  And I let DH know when its time to tell me to "Walk Away from The Tablet"

    -Furbabies- I added a 3rd to our family and he's been keeping me busy.  He has extreme separation anxiety so the past month has been quiet lively. 

    -Counseling.  Although I haven't gone to a counselor yet, if it gets too overwhelming, I will not heistate.  Counseling is wonderful and helps when you are @ your wits end.

    -Meditation.  Before DH and I got together, I was attending annunally wklong retreats.  Now I'm ready to get back into moments of silence because its really refreshing and relaxing for me.

    -Yoga. Very relaxing, calming, and refreshing.  Once I resolve my spinal issues, I want to get back to my daily yoga routine.

    -Prayer.

     
    3.
    Bee
    5,665 posts
    Bee Keeper
    jaguar    June 11, 2011  

    I think it's virtually impossible NOT to get overwhelmed by it all - infertility is hard because the only real 'cure' or 'fix' happens if/when you are successful in becoming a mum, in some way, shape or form. 

    For me.. I'm trying tos hard to distract myself and keep busy in other ways. It works some days; other days I'm a mess. Having these boards here with women that are in similar situations has been an absolute blessing. 

     
    4.
    Member
    186 posts
    Blushing bee
    smokingpoint    September 1, 2012   NY

    @squeak35 - thanks for the list! Some of those I do already, but some I don't. I like adding meditation and more reading to my routine.  I find it hard to motivate to do anything sometimes, but when I do have energy I'm going with your ideas :)

    This stuff is really hard. Harder than I ever would have thought. 

     
    5.
    Member
    186 posts
    Blushing bee
    smokingpoint    September 1, 2012   NY

    @jaguar - I like the boards too, but tend to get overwhelmed quickly because I don't understand all the lingo, and then my anxiety builds because I get worried I'm not doing enough with my doctor. It's really maddening sometimes! I can totally relate to some days being good and some a mess. Today was a doctor day so I'm a mess! 

     
    6.
    Bee
    5,665 posts
    Bee Keeper
    jaguar    June 11, 2011  

    @smokingpoint:  Yes! It's hard. I remember venturing into the IF boards when I first started seeing my RE, and it was a bit daunting. But we all do things at our own pace, so don't worry about that. We're here if you need us.

     
    7.
    Member
    2,371 posts
    Buzzing bee
    squeak35    July 7, 2011   Cali

    @smokingpoint:  I forgot to add I'll be 42 in a month so I completely understand how even more stress TTC can be.  I've been given 3 months naturally and then off to IVF.  Its overwhelming and frustrating but I'm thankful to have my DH and girls.  When it gets bad, I reach out and there's always someone there to put me back together again. 

    "An Idle Mind is the Devil's Playground"  is soo true.  Even if it means taking a walk around the block, then do it.  Having my new crazy Furbaby has been great cause I have to walk him, feed him, interpret his barks, etc.  Find something having nothing to do w/ TTC and focus on that.   Get up and get out.  It really does do wonders.

     
    8.
    Member
    186 posts
    Blushing bee
    smokingpoint    September 1, 2012   NY

    Thanks @jaguar and @squeak35 :) appreciate your thoughts and support. Tomorrow will be a better day, I'm counting on it! 

     
    9.
    Member
    2,146 posts
    Buzzing bee
    MapleBecky    July 9, 2011   Canada

    I just wanted to lend my support.  I've been in bad shape since we found out DH doesn't have any sperm on Dec 1.   I hope you get your baby really soon.

    (I just saw this on the main board, I can't go into this forum without feeling teary.)

     
    10.
    Member
    186 posts
    Blushing bee
    smokingpoint    September 1, 2012   NY

    hi @MapleBecky - thanks, your words are very sweet. I can understand your own sadness and am sorry to hear about your situation.  Sending good energy to you and DH. 

     
    11.
    Member
    2,437 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Mrs Green Grass    August 14, 2010  

    I've also found a ton of support in the infertility blogging community.  It's less overwhelming than the boards because you follow people you choose to and therefore do not have to hear about 1st month success stories.  i like that many people have the same frustrations that I do.  I think it would be helpful to get to know the ladeis on the infertility and 6 months + thread.  Some of us email outside of WB and/or we follow eachother's blogs and it's quite a nice community.

     
    12.
    Member
    70 posts
    Worker bee
    missjamie143       Australia

    I'm not TTC but lately I've found myself in a bit of a rut. You hear it time and time again- exercise, exercise, exercise.. But there's a reason it's spouted around- all those happy endorphins help! Even if you just take half an hour out of your day to go for a walk- it really helps to lift your mood (plus it's better for you than wine and doesn't hurt the baby making process either!). I suck at being motivated, so I've signed up to 3 classes a week with a trainer, and I am there without fail. But if I put in my schedule "go for walk" it never happens. Adding just 3 hours of exercise a week has had such a flow on to so many more aspects of my life.

    I hope you and your DH get your bub really soon.

     
    13.
    Member
    186 posts
    Blushing bee
    smokingpoint    September 1, 2012   NY

    Thanks for the tip @MsGreenGrass - any particular blogs you like or could suggest? I've just started getting into reading fertility blogs but haven't found any I like yet...

    And @missjamie143 - disappointment comes in all shapes and forms, not just TTC, so I appreciate your tips on exercise. I think I will try to do that more too. It's a great idea.

     
    14.
    Member
    2,437 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Mrs Green Grass    August 14, 2010  

    I'll PM you the link to mine and you can see which ones I subscribe to.

     
    15.
    Member
    2,513 posts
    Sugar bee
    dodgercpkl    October 15, 2010   California

    It's hard not to have a good cry every so often especially when you find out that yet another person that's been trying for 5 mins is pregnant again, but for the most part, I focus on other goals - some related and some not - like continuing my weight loss efforts and my healthy eating, diving my nose into a book or studies, watching tv or playing a video game.  I avoid most generic ttc sections and head for the long term ttc or ttc after a loss type sections.  

    My hubby and I have been trying for close to 2 years now, and just recently suffered a miscarriage as well, so I know how you feel about all of this.  

     
    16.
    Member
    186 posts
    Blushing bee
    smokingpoint    September 1, 2012   NY

    Thanks @dodgercpkl - so sorry to hear about your recent loss.  

    I also try to focus on other goals but often (like when I go to the doctor) find myself overwhelmed. I think it will be imporant for me to figure out ways to give myself some kind of mental armour to sheild myself when I know I have to go to the doc. Those are often the worst days.

    Thanks for your support.

     

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