How do you deal?

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 2
42082 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

alyssaC:  Soome peope are so negative, and they have no insight into how their behavior affects others.

Have you (you and FI) tried cutting her off the minute she starts complaining about anything or anyone? “Sorry, Mom we’re not going to listen to your complaints. Save that for someone else.”

Post # 4
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

A few years ago I went to Europe with three friends I worked with. Well, one of them turned out to be SUCH a complainer. It was constantly “I’m cold… I’m hot… I’m hungry… I feel sick… There’s nothing veggie for me to eat… ”  She would complain that we “weren’t doing anything,” but if we asked what she wanted to do she’d say “well I don’t know what there IS to do!” or if we suggested she go do something specific, she’d complain that she didn’t want to do it alone.

It was totally exhausting. At a certain point I lost my patience and made a sarcastic crack (honestly don’t remember what it was about) and she got all huffy and sad. I think the next morning she called her mom and was saying she wanted to go home early. Grant you, this was at a FREE villa in Italy with a pool!!!

The next morning I tried to talk to her about it, but she couldn’t see her behavior objectively. She just thought we were all mean.

Sorry to thread-jack! I guess my point is that there probably isn’t much you can do. It sounds like you have a pretty open relationship with her, since you mentioned trying in the past to talk to her about this, so you could keep trying. You could urge her to do that 100 days of gratitude thing. But some people just see the world through Victim-colored glasses. Not sure you can do anything about it.

Post # 5
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My mother is like this.  She got really bad after my father left her, improved for a couple of years and has got steadily worse since.  This is over a period of 25 years.  I moved to the other side of the world 20 years ago to get away from it.  I’ve only gone back to see her twice since.  Last time I was back (5 years ago) it was so bad that I cut my visit short by a month.

Like prahajess has said, there really isn’t much you can do about it.  You and your FI need to grit your teeth until December and then FI needs to get a place of his own.  Then you will be able to limit and reduce the amount of time you have to be around her and her negativity. 

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