Post # 1
How do you deal with FMIL who has a very negative attitude about everything? She thinks she is this happy person and she may be but she sure as heck does not act like it. Everything we do with her is like pulling teeth because she doesn’t want to go anywhere but then when we do something without her, we turn into horrible people. Last weekend we had a pretty fun but busy weekend, one of my favorite weekends of the year. Before it came she talked about how excited she was but then ALL weekend she complained about everything under the sun. One of the main things she complained about, was we had to see her good friend. She complained that this friend never calls her or hangs out with her anymore, but she doesn’t realize that this friend stopped inviting her out because FMIL always turned her down. O and this lady is SO HORRIBLE for never calling but do you think FMIL ever calls her???? Then this weekend FBIL and his wife cancelled on our weekly game night that she complains about all the time and she was so mad at first because it supposedly the only fun thing she does all week (but she complains about it). Then when she finally got over her “hurt” she started talking about how nice it will be to do nothing for the night and just relax. Well FI and decided we didn’t want to nothing and wanted a long overdue date night. Well guess what bees? She was mad at us all day and night because we didn’t invite her out with us. Why the hell would we want to invite someone on a date night, especially someone who would complain the whole time? Bees FI lives her for probably another year but he is so tired of her we might look into moving out in December but we really can’t afford to until then. How would you deal with her? We’ve tried saying stuff to her before and it just pisses her off more so we are trying to avoid direct confrontation at the moment but do you have any other ideas? Next weekend FI and I have a wedding to go to and she is already complaining that FI isn’t taking her instead of me for some reason. But she is complaining about the wedding we are all going to the weekend after that. Ugh I just don’t know what to do with her.
O and on a different note she is upset with me right now because she found blank invites on clearance and I didn’t want them because they don’t look anything like the ones I am looking for and I still have like 7 months to find invites.
Post # 2
alyssaC: Soome peope are so negative, and they have no insight into how their behavior affects others.
Have you (you and FI) tried cutting her off the minute she starts complaining about anything or anyone? “Sorry, Mom we’re not going to listen to your complaints. Save that for someone else.”
Post # 3
julies1949: No we haven’t thought to do that, I usually don’t like to interupt people but I may have to just bite the bullet and cutt her off. It will at least shut her up for that moment.
And yeah she has no idea how annoying she is. Last week she was talking about how much her attitude changed from 2 years ago. The problem is it did change for a few good months then she right back to being a Debbie Downer and hasn’t even noticed it. She can be a real nice lady it’s just hard to see it when all she does is bitch and moan about everything.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
A few years ago I went to Europe with three friends I worked with. Well, one of them turned out to be SUCH a complainer. It was constantly “I’m cold… I’m hot… I’m hungry… I feel sick… There’s nothing veggie for me to eat… ” She would complain that we “weren’t doing anything,” but if we asked what she wanted to do she’d say “well I don’t know what there IS to do!” or if we suggested she go do something specific, she’d complain that she didn’t want to do it alone.
It was totally exhausting. At a certain point I lost my patience and made a sarcastic crack (honestly don’t remember what it was about) and she got all huffy and sad. I think the next morning she called her mom and was saying she wanted to go home early. Grant you, this was at a FREE villa in Italy with a pool!!!
The next morning I tried to talk to her about it, but she couldn’t see her behavior objectively. She just thought we were all mean.
Sorry to thread-jack! I guess my point is that there probably isn’t much you can do. It sounds like you have a pretty open relationship with her, since you mentioned trying in the past to talk to her about this, so you could keep trying. You could urge her to do that 100 days of gratitude thing. But some people just see the world through Victim-colored glasses. Not sure you can do anything about it.
Post # 5
My mother is like this. She got really bad after my father left her, improved for a couple of years and has got steadily worse since. This is over a period of 25 years. I moved to the other side of the world 20 years ago to get away from it. I’ve only gone back to see her twice since. Last time I was back (5 years ago) it was so bad that I cut my visit short by a month.
Like prahajess has said, there really isn’t much you can do about it. You and your FI need to grit your teeth until December and then FI needs to get a place of his own. Then you will be able to limit and reduce the amount of time you have to be around her and her negativity.
Post # 6
Baal: O lord, it’s the same thing with her. She kicked her husband out a few years ago for cheating. The first few months were really rough, then for two months she was GREAT, think of the song “She let herself go.” It was those two months that really strengthed our relationship and showed me what a great lady she can be. Then for the last 2 years it has been horrible, it started to get better then went back down hill. FI’s siblings barely want to come around now because of her. She wonders why FI’s sister hasn’t been around in months and I jsut want to shout at her “Look in the mirror!!” I think the hardest part of all this is I feel bad because I don’t want to be around her at all and that will just upset her more 🙁 ugh I hope this doesn’t go on for 25 years.