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I don't deal with PA men or women, I find it ridiculous and childish. If you want to behave that way than you better not do it around me...I will call you out every time.
I run! Passive aggressive people are hard personalities to deal with and often not even worth trying.
That is a question that requires a heck of a lot more information to be answered properly. Who is the parent of the child? How old is the child?
I'm sure there are loads of books written on this (or similar) subjects.
If it's just a guy I know that acts that way, I do nothing.. let him be a butt and I'll be on my way..
If you're talking about a relationship with your SO.. this is what I did
DH went through bouts of passive agressive behaviour so I talked with him very early on about it... very straightfoward... that I knew what he was doing, b/c I saw passive aggressive behavior from my dad in my parents marriage and told him that is was not a very functional way to get the problem taken care of or to go away... that all he was doing was prolonging the issue and making himself harder to deal with.
I explained that I saw how passive agressive behavior destroyed my parents marriage and I did NOT want the same...
We talk everything through fine now... even times that I've wanted to go into shut down mode DH won't let me b/c he knows that it's only damaging and not helping.
I would really try and talk it through and just explain that behavior patterns like that do nothing but harm a relationship and if he was a long happy relationship then he needs to stop and deal with the issue upfront so it can be taken care of and GO AWAY. lol
@MrsNeutrino: I laughed hard enough to snort from that.
I agree with a PP, are we actually talking about a child, your SO a co-worker, who?
I become very assertive with them. Anytime they do something in a passive manner I call attention to them doing it and I then proceed to ask them exactly what they are getting at. Usually after putting someone on the spot once or twice they stop the aggressive parts of their personality and are just passive around me.
I am referring to my SO...i'm ready to call it quits! his PA personality is destroying me emotionally and our relationship. He's a stubborn man who never thinks he's wrong and somehow everything is my fault...then he will get me so angry and push me to my limit and call me crazy!!! GOSH. No offense to the culture but he is middle eastern and grew up on his mothers nipple, the culture also seems to think its not ok to have emotions and if you get mad at someone you stay mad for a very long time. Again, i'm not criticizing anyone who is middle eastern, I have very many middle eastern friends...this is just been my experience with his culture. I was raised to communicate, forgive, and speak kind to others.
@theheiress: Eek. Sounds like my FI. And its not middle-eastern it is definitely his upbringing. Here is an article that I found helpful. I try to explain to him how he is acting when we are not fighting. Hasn't worked yet but I am not giving up! Hope this helps!
http://www.helium.com/items/341540-how-to-deal-with-a-passive-aggressive-person?page=2
@baletrina: this article was amazing! As Oprah would say, "I just had my full circle moment" i feel 1000% better, this is him to a T. funny thing is it makes sense to me but I know for sure his pride and PA will not even allow him to accept this. we will see what happens. thanku
I just act like they're making a really hilarious joke. It really confuses them.
my guy is a tad passive aggressive, I have found that I have to be very overly direct to compensate for that behavior trait. Slowly but surely, he is getting better about communicating what he really wants. I try not to judge because I know he doesn't want to be this way. Gotta love 'em, flaws and all.
I don't. My husband at first was this way when we were dating and early engaged. I knew I couldn't put up with that anymore so I told him in an assertive way that it isn't helping. I come from a family of passive aggressive people (who used to put post it notes on their delivery food) and I wouldn't have it in a husband.
Sounds like my ex fiance. I didn't marry him. I was lectured like a child about why I was wrong for hours. And I loved the silent treatment! Went on for days! He also had a few names in his books for me. I think crazy was up there. It didn't matter if I had hard evidence that he was wrong, and yes, it drove me crazy also. He was Czek.
Do you plan on speaking with him?
@justsqueeze - i haven't spoken to him...he is of course giving me the silent treatment...it will be a couple days before he decides he misses me.
Bee's would it be approriate to send him the article from @baletrina? I don't want to point fingers but he needs to see this.
Do you think he would react badly. I know my ex would say "Hmm, interesting. So you aren't to blame for anything, ARE you?"
I HATE passive aggressive types. Least favorite type of people. My FI isn't passive aggressive, but my current roommate is, and jeez is it irritating!
@amnystik: Thank you for your input my SO is the same way and I need to find ways to deal with it and driving nuts to the point I don't want to be with him anymore. I love him very much but that side of him totally pushes me away!
my FI is the same way, i can't cope, even calling him out on it hasn't helped. i showed him an article the other day about it, i thought it woke him up a bit. it certainly opened my eyes. this weekend we had agreed to see a movie and do some shopping for stuff for our engagement party next weekend. i had mentioned a while ago maybe some time apart might help, this weekend he decided that we wouldn't see each other, wouldn't communicate, nothing. no asking me, no discussing it, whatever. when i reminded him that he had agreed to do things with me this weekend he said 'Well obviously time apart cuts out those things! Or cant you handle that?! Do you want to keep fighting like this?' No I don't want to continue fighting but no communication isn't going to help, neither is broken promises! of course he turned his phone off pretty much straight after that statement and hasn't turned it on since, this was 36 hours ago. Help!
i honestly thought my FI's failure to keep promises and 'forgetting' them and blaming me was something all guys did, the whole guys have trouble keeping promises thing. it's good to know i'm wrong, but even harder to try to change his ways
@theheiress: RUN, run now...don't look back! Trust me on this...I married a PA man and suffered for 25 years. I though I could change myself to please him, could help him see how he behaved, thought anti-depressants would help, therapy galore, marriage counseling...NOTHING worked. I wanted to die. Then, the worst part of it: I had children who were victims of his behavior. It's one thing to take this on and have your soul sucked out of you as an adult but it's quite another to watch your children victimized and think it's what love from their father should be. I divorced him, I'm healing, and I met a man who who is nothing like that. You have to move on with your life and maybe find out why you got emotionally involved with him in the first place. If you don't you are willingly entering into a lifetime of emotional abuse and if you bring children into it you are condemning them to it as well.
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I should say a passive aggressive child...how do you bees handle these type of men?