How do you deal with advice from other people on how to care for baby?

posted 3 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I think the best way to defend yourself is to educate..then you know to take the advice with a grain of salt.

My MIL was mortified when I told her I would not be giving DD “pablum” (rice cereal) as her first food, and that she had avocado instead. I just politely explained that it was no longer a good choice.

She was also shocked to know that I would be breastfeeding, as formula feeding was shoved down her thoat when my DH was a baby.

Luckily, she’s very open to new information, so she didn’t bug me and actually wanted to know more.

Most other people that offer advice which I don’t agreement, I just politely state that that is not how I do things, and unless they ask why, I don’t expand at all. I’m confident in my mothering choices, so I don’t worry about what other people think.

Post # 5
2227 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@urchin:  My MIL had the same reaction when I said we wouldn’t have the expense of formula or disposable diapers!  Shock and horror!

The woman giving the advice usually have kids in their 20s, 30s or older.  Their advice is outdated but well meaning.  I do the smile and nod unless it is someone, ahem MIL, that I will have to be dealing with for quite awhile.  Just know they are not coming at you with any malice and you’ll be fine.

Post # 6
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

smile and say “thank you for the advice, but i’m happy with what i’m doing.” simple as that. everyone is gonna have an opinion, and they’ll be excited to tell you what you’re doing right and wrong. just smile and thank them, and go about what you were doing before.

Post # 7
4511 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

If you don’t want to really “engage” them in a discussion, perhaps saying something like, “Well, actually a lot of research over the past 30 years has suggested that it is much better to do things like X instead of like Z… I could recommend some books or websites if you’re interested in learning more about it.” Or depending on your relationship with them, you could make it a bit snarkier.

Post # 8
3677 posts
Sugar bee

To the rice cereal/Karo/Carnation comments, I would say something along the lines of, “They’ve learned a lot more in recent years about how there are much better, healthier options for babies than all those simple carbohydrates.”

For the general onslaught of advice, if it’s from family, friends, etc., I’d probably just smile, nod, and blithely ignore. If it’s from total strangers, I might be inclined to get a little snarkier and say “thank you for the unsolicited advice.”

Post # 9
1570 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Smile and nod, lol. Then I change the subject. Luckily I haven’t gotten any of the advice from random strangers yet!

Post # 10
3394 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@NCSUchick27:  Learn to tune it out. But honestly, some of the oldest advice can be the best advice. 

ETA: Also think about the fact that whatever we think now, 30 years from now it will be out-dated too.

Post # 11
1996 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would always jusy smile & say thanks but I’m good. Seriously I was too focused on taking carr of dd to pay attention to out dated advice. I had go to people for advice on specific things. The cereal advice is a common one. 

Post # 12
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

FH and i have decided to start trying in May so no baby yet but ive already decided on breastfeeding and cloth diapers, those really cute reusable diapers like BumGenius. I’ve already been given grief about it. Why would you want your boobs to sag and hurt from all that milk or why would you want to clean diapers all the time? Maybe because my milk is free and i feel that it will be better for my baby and maybe I rather use cloth diaper because its more enivormentally friendly. Unless I ask I rather not hear it. I think it’s rude. i feel that if its not comming from someone who truly loves you then they dont think your raising your baby correctly. Which is rude. I rather not hear any advice unless I ask for some. Which I probably will but just let me figure it out first.

Post # 13
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

@YellowMoon:  I’m with you. I consider myself a resourceful person. I can’t *remember* the last time I gave someone advice on anything – certainly not unless it was solicited. If it’s asked for, I’ll give it gently and kindly. I know too many people who are too quick to tell others how to do things…it’s very annoying.

Post # 14
9092 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I hear the rice cereal in the bottle so baby is full longer thing a lot, and generally just say that research has shown in recent years that it’s not such a good idea.

My one 60 year old coworker though was all about putting some sort of alcohol (whiskey/rye) or something on LO’s gums when they’re teething.  Apparently that’s must-do parenting.

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