Post # 1
I need some advice bees.
I was engaged once before to my daughter’s father. I got pregnant before we were engaged… When we did finally get engaged, my grandmother was kind of well, bitchy about it. She barely congratulated me, and when she saw my ring for the first time (which was at Thanksgiving family dinner… and I was 20 weeks pregnant) she asked me where my real ring was. She said it was so small she could barely even see it. I played it off but was reallly hurt by her reaction… She tried to “make it a joke” once she saw how offended I was but UGH SIGH.
My SO and I are about to get engaged and I know shes going to be just as bitter and mean about it this time too. Maybe even worse this time because it’s my second engagement.
So my question is, how do you handle family members that aren’t very excited or supportive of your engagement?
Post # 3
@Peaceoutboyscout: If anyone were that rude to me I’d tell them to go pound sand. If she makes rude remarks, say something like “I’m SO thankful that my loving family is being so supportive and positive, I just knew everyone would be so nice!” Kill her with kindness 🙂
Post # 4
Honestly, all you can do is mentally prepare yourself and drop hints before it actaully happens so that its not a surprise and all of her feelings dont come out all at once. When i started talking about marraige with my SO i was genuinely afraid of how my mom would react. i still am. My mom, although one of the sweetest most amazing people i know, is my harshest critic.. and i know she means well but my SO is 17 years my senior and isnt from the “family background” (whatever that means) that she saw me marrying into so to put it midly she wasnt thrilled we were dating. She has since gotten over the dating part but part of me thinks that she still feel that our relationship is a phase (im 25 btw). But i guess we’ll find out soon enough… and no telling you to do this but (this is just the relationship that I have with my mom) we will more than likely have a screaming match if she really has a problem with it and then she will be OK!
Post # 5
@DaneLady: If she’s rude about it maybe i’ll try this approach. It’s actually a really good idea.
@mrsaxachef: Oh lawd. This lady scares me too much for me to scream at her lol. But I understand that kind of relationship with moms. Sometimes my mom and I have to fight about things before they can just be okay.
Post # 6
Well, you can’t please everyone. That’s kind of my motto. I knew when my partner and I got engaged (again) and then got married that we would hear negative feedback. To be fair, we are both divorced and we were engaged once before to each other. I had several friends and family who expressed concern – some were just hey, love you, want to make sure you’re happy. That’s fine. I am happy that I have people in my life who are concerned about me. However, there are people in my life who will always express negative issues no matter what. And that’s okay. i just take their advice with a grain of salt. Just be prepared. SO you know grandma is going to be a little bitchy, be prepared.
When my partner and I got married last year, I dealt with a family member who said “So, like, how many more people do you plan to marry?” I just tried to pause (so I wouldn’t snap at her) and said, hey sometimes you need the training wheels. I’m with who makes me happy. I was so tempted to be like, yeah how’d getting married to FOUR different dudes work out for you, honey? But that will get us no where. Most likely they are critical b/c they care but do not know how to express it properly.