Post # 1
I’m currently about 16 weeks pregnant and the opinions on many things have started to pop up here and there. One of the most annoying so far has been unsolicited input on what we should name our baby. We won’t know the sex for a couple more weeks, so anytime someone asks if we’ve been thinking about names it has been easy to say that we don’t really want to worry about it until we know if it is a girl or boy so we don’t spend a ton of time wracking our brains over something we’ll never use anyway. Well of course we already have names in mind, but this we’ve just been saying as a way to hault any advice. My MIL in particular is already being pushy and obnoxious as I figured she might be which is why I have been trying to put off telling them anything for as long as possible. About 12 weeks in she was subtly (or at least in her mind it was subtle) dropping hints that if it is a girl, it should carry on the tradition of having the middle name Elizabeth just as her mom, herself and her niece were named. She was also mentioning random stories about how apparently her mother was upset that DH’s father wouldn’t name him after his grandfather. So anyway, just repeatedly bringing up family names and how they’re important.
The problem is we already decided we don’t want family names. We also have some on my side of the family, but I’m 100% positive that my MIL would have some weird jealousy issues if we were to take a name from my side and not their’s. Luckily my family is not weird and couldn’t care less what we choose to name the baby, but in order to avoid any weird issues we want to steer clear of it all. Besides that, we already have a name we prefer and had it picked out years ago.
So last night we were over at the in law’s house and she once again decided to push the issue. When she brings it up we honestly just brush it off. Apparently my husband was sick of dancing around it and said that we already had a name we’re pretty sure we want and that he didn’t even like Elizabeth with it but he loved the middle name we picked out already. She looked shocked. Why I have no idea though!! Like did she convince herself that we were without a doubt going to do as she said?? I felt awkward, a little guilty even because this was all in front of his aunt and also the niece who has the middle name. I was glad DH was trying to put his foot down with it, but she wouldn’t drop it. She said “Elizabeth sounds great with everything!” and he said “No, we like the name Audrey Mae and I don’t even like the way Audrey Elizabeth sounds, sorry mom.” This only led to more awkward silence followed by “Whatever ok I’ll just stop” to which my husband said “I don’t mean any offense by it, but we’d like to choose our kid’s name by ourselves”. More awkward silence with a few more continued “Ok then I’ll just stop”. Not sure why she kept saying that, because she already had stopped… Then said “So what if it’s a boy?” at that point we all started laughing and my husband said “No way am I talking about it right now, you can wait to find out if it should even be a boy, have some patience.” Pretty much she was pissed after this, but I couldn’t believe how unbelievably weird and pushy she was being. Nevermind that at some point we mentioned that if we had family names in mind we’d also have to consider the ones on my side, but of course she brushed that comment off and basically acted as if the only option was his side. People are so weird. Why does anyone think it is their business to name someone’s child? Sometimes when people say this off putting stuff its like you don’t even know what to say in the moment because you’re so caught off guard by the fact that it was even said at all!
Post # 3
Woah! Sorry bees, I really didn’t realize this was so long until after I posted it lol Thanks to whoever reads it though, guess I was ranting a bit.
Post # 4
Gosh that’s so brutal! I think you’ve helped me solidify our decision not to share our names until the baby is born. That’s awful, and so annoying. At least she didn’t downright insult the name you’ve chosen – beautiful by the way.
No advice…just maybe shut down the conversation if she brings it up again. And don’t share your boy name if it’s a boy. I have no idea why some people think they have a right to have a say in what someone else names their child.
Post # 5
My MIL asked me if we had names picked out (we’re team green). I said no not really, but she kept pushing wanting to know what names I liked. When I told her, she tore them all apart and I immediately felt myself getting pissed and defensive! After that I told my husband we are not discussing names with ANYONE, until baby is here and named with something him and I both love. When people ask me about names I just tell them that subject if off limits, regardless of who it is. Some people take offense to that, but I really don’t care. This is our child, and we’ll name him/her what we want! Most of my friends and family are fine with our decision not to discuss it though.
Post # 6
I’m only 8 weeks and the name games have already started! All in good fun, for now at least. Our universal defense is to insist that – regardless of gender – we’re naming the baby Charlie. Our dog’s name is Charlie. This tends to end the conversation!
Post # 7
@kate02121: Oh totally! I was surprised that DH even said the name but I understand why he did, he just wanted her to stop so that we didn’t have to beat around the bush with this every time we saw her. Thanks though, I was relieved she didn’t insult the name too because the last time we saw his parents they were listing off names that they hated which only made me cringe as I was thinking “please stop talking because I’m terrified you’re about to bash the name we love”. I mean they were naming off completely normal names, like Rebecca. It’s like who goes out of their way to HATE the name Rebecca? lol I’d think if you were going to specify it would by some out of the box name or something. Definitely I’d keep it to yourself as long as you can! Even people you might never think would say annoying stuff might surprise you with it. Seems like weddings and pregnancies bring out the rudeness in people an awful lot!
@Songbird29: Omg I can’t believe she tore it apart after you said it is what you liked!! That’s even worse than what I was just saying right above when they were listing off names that they hate, but at least it was before we had said what we liked. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that :/ How frustrating. Nobody wants someone so close to them to do this stuff.
@terpalum10: lol!! That’s a subtle and cheery way to avoid the convo. Maybe we should try something like that. It’s like you’re shutting down the conversation, but not being blunt and tense about it.
Post # 8
@bloodgo1: sounds like DH did a good job of handling it. I would just continue to say “thanks for your input” and smile, nod, change the subject.
If she pushed more “yes, I heard you mention that already, thank you. How about that superbowl>?”
It is so weird and annoying and rude of her! Also typically if a baby girl gets a family name… its from her maternal family!! They need to just…. stop.
If it gets out of hand DH needs to call him mom and tell her to respect you guys and back off.
Post # 9
@bloodgo1: Ugh, talk about frustrating! sorry you’re going through that!
As soon as we got pregnant, one of my mom’s first pieces of advice was: don’t share any of your name choices with anyone, because they may change and you’re not going to care what anyone else thinks of your choices, anyway!
we’re going to stand by this as best we can, hopefully to avoid your situation!!
Post # 10
@bloodgo1: Oh boy, I’m really sorry for you. Some people really need to filter themselves and realise they don’t have any say in your pregnancy!!
I just had the talk with my husband over the weekend about us not sharing our name ideas. He was oblivious until I explained what may happen from our families if they don’t like our choices. So we decided to tell people we’re going to call our child Rodney (obviously we’re not) or failing that, Papaya Avocado. That’ll shut people up.
Post # 11
@bloodgo1: I’d go with “We have a name picked–But it’s going to be a secret until (s)he’s born!”
Also: When I thought I was having a boy, I divulged our girls’ name choice (Annabelle Mae) to my Mom, who grew up on a farm.
She immediately went “Moo!” And I went “…What?” And she went “MOO! Annabelle?! That’s a COW name!”
But then it was a girl. And her name is Annabelle Mae, and I have a HILARIOUS story to tell her about Grandma. That’s the best part of people’s terrible reactions to your name choice!
Post # 12
My name battle comes between my aunt and myself. Back at Christmas we were 16 weeks and didn’t know the gender. This being said we had names for both a boy and a girl. The girl name we were having a rough time with as the name we had loved was too high on the popularity list for 2013. So after much brain wracking we came up with a new girls name that we really liked.
Christmas day we were hanging out with the family and my VERY OPINONATED aunt breaches the topic of names in front of the whole Family. We were not hiding it so we told everyone if it is a boy: Zach and if a girl we are thinking: Hazel.
My aunt had a Effen FIT Over the name hazel! “OH MY GOD THAT’S A WITCH’S NAME!!” That was the biggest takeaway quote I got from it… WTF? I thought it was my DH and my choice what to name our offspring!?
As it turns out, we are having a boy so the argument is moot point but still! I am still angry about it. This was also after she told me that I looked like a beached whale because I was tired and leaning back on the couch… I am so happy I have several months before I am forced to be in the same room as this woman again.
Post # 13
@bloodgo1: Smeesh! She’s really wound up on this whole name thing, isn’t she? I find its best to stay out of the affairs of others, especially when it comes to things as permanent and significant as naming a baby…the thing I hate, is when a couple has agonized over the name for all those months, and then…over dinner, they cannot contain themselves and tell us the name they’ve picked and its awful….
Mavis Ledonna Schwartzenburger
And Mr. 99 and I are just sitting there, in the fallout of the worst baby name in the history of the Earth, and they’re waiting for us to tell them how awesome it is….
Do what you want and let your MIL thing whatever she wants, at the end of the day, its your choice, she knows that and fighting about it is silly. She named her kids, this one is yours.
Post # 14
My husband and I aren’t even trying for a baby yet, but my family is really excited of the prospect of our future child since we’ll be the first of our generation to have a kid on both his side and my side of the family! So due to this we’ve had a LOT of personal and prying questions/opinions on everything, including names. So far I have deflected the discussion successfully by simply smiling and nodding when they make suggestions (even though at the end of the day I don’t actually take their opinions into consideration) and if they ask what names we like I say, “We have some names in mind, but it’s a surprise!”.
Post # 15
I’m not even pregnant yet but I have already decided that when I’am I will not be sharing any of my names I like. People will know the name once the baby is born
Post # 16
We’re beginning to deal with the whole name game and have decided to say “we’re still deciding” so we don’t get the nasty looks, blank stares, or “Oh gosh, I knew so and so with that name and hated her!”
Both our girl and boy names have the same initials, which is nice to just call the baby LJ. 🙂 Our close friends and family know, but we’re not telling anyone else.
It was also somewhat difficult to come up with a name we both liked – my husband is Puerto Rican and likes more Spanish sounding names and I’m Irish-Catholic and like older, Irish names (and Saints names). So we are going for a mixture in both witht he first and middle name.
I think you women on here that have posted are saints for not going off on family members!