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thanks for the advice
gee there's an idea!
we'll definitely consider that
that's on my list, don't worry, I've got this covered (giant smile)
be super upbeat and smiley about it (bordering on sarcasm) and hope they leave alone. just don't give them any snarky words/comments they can repeat to others!
It is really frustrating, people don't realize how much effort/planning you are putting in! Or how much you hear the same comments from multiple people. Try to remember that these people just want to help (even if its annoying).
For the groomsman, go ahead and send him an STD (just him) since he is concerned, maybe he needs a reminder or would like one. For the BMs, just pick a dress and let them live with it (if they can't be civil when you are shopping, they don't get a vote). You can register for gifts now even if the wedding isnt for a while, and people will use ths list for your bday and xmas, etc. just make sure to keep refilling it -great way to get what you want now.
@kerensa: You are AWESOME. All great ideas and pointers. I especally love this
"be super upbeat and smiley about it (bordering on sarcasm) and hope they leave alone. just don't give them any snarky words/comments they can repeat to others!"
and need to keep telling myself this
"Try to remember that these people just want to help (even if its annoying)."
Opinions are like a**holes; everybody's got one.
I would just remember people are generally trying to be helpful.
@Miss Orchard: Aint that the truth. Thank you. I do need to keep telling myself they are just trying to help.
I usually go the sarcastic route as well...maybe a little laugh after they've given their opinion followed by a big smile and something like "Aww, that's so cute, you're SO old fashioned! Nowadays we use email to rsvp..." or whatever.
My family takes phrases like "i don't know" or "I'll consider that" to mean "great idea, go forward with whatever you think I should do."
So, I have slightly different advice. I respond very shortly, but with not open-endedness: "it is taken care of" or "thanks, but I already choose what I'm doing" or "I made a decision on that alredy, but thanks"
@SugerPlum: LOL that's hilarious, That's a good suggestion. Kill them with kindness and little pinch of sarcasm.
@Lulusmom: I think right now I do make short comments such as yours. But I say them with a little tiny attitude... I'm sure it comes off as Bridezilla... i guess I am trying to just be nicer about things... because for the most part these people are just trying to help... except for my "older" friend. lol
I ignore other peoples opinions on things that they have no right to interfere with. fOR The most part I've just kept details that I know will be controversial to myself. However if poeple do find out I usually I make no response to their idea and change the subject. They will all be pleasantly (bahahaha) suprised when they find I haven't done as they requested at my wedding.
EXAMPLE - MOG insists we have our reception at the same venue as where BIL held his wedding two years previous because it was "nice" and if we pick a new place people "might not like the food". My honest thoughts? Their venue was tacky and trashy, and there is no way I would ever host my wedding there. My response? "We haven't looked there yet" (and we never will be lol). My plan of action? No more talk of venue. She can just be pissed when she gets the invite.
When people offer constructive advie or opinions, obviously I consider them, and if they are right or helpful, I am grateful to whoever helped me with their ideas.
ugh i hate people who say it's your day do what u want but then a minute later start giving their opinions why don't u do this why don't you do that!! grrrrrrr drives me nuts i just want them all to butt out... namely the future MIL
@superh2ogirl: To me it just sounds like they are trying to be helpful. Maybe your aunt wants you to register now because people are asking her if you have a registry (and they want to get you an engagement gift). I know my mom started getting asked about our registry about a month after we got engaged (i.e. in October when our wedding wasn't until the following September), so we started putting a few things up for those who wanted to get us engagement gifts.
Is FI's groomsman married? Maybe for his wedding they sent out the STDs a year in advance. Or they sent it out later than that and had issues with people already being booked? Or are a lot of people going to have to travel for your wedding? Maybe he thinks people need to make travel plans earlier (not saying he's right, just where he may be coming from).
As for the BMs, if you've already decided everything and told them what they are wearing etc they should just go ahead and go along with it. However, I can understand them making a suggestion or two (as long as it is in a nice way) especially if they are having to buy these dresses and shoes themselves. But ultimately it's your decision.
Just trying to shed light on it from a different perspective.
It seems like people come jumping out of the woodwork when weddings happen and really want to add their 2 cents. None of this sounds too terrible or malicious though, so I'd just let them know things are under control and you appreciate that they are thinking about you and your FI.
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How do you deal with other people's opionions?
I am not very patient with people to begin with... and when people stick their nose in where it doesn't belong I get so frustrated.
Examples:
1. FI's groomsman is older (but not always wiser) he has told me on more than one occassion that I NEED to send my Save the Dates out. He said Save the Dates are supposed to go out one year before the wedding date. People... I am a Bee Fanatic. Does he really think I haven't done my research? I reacted less than civil.
2. Took my sister-in-laws to try on BM dresses. Got comments like "this color is ugly" and "I like this color" and "we should wear these kinds of heels" and "we should, we should, we should"... I have been mapping this wedding out since October 2010. I think I would know what I do and don't want.
3. My aunt "you NEED to register now"... Bit%$ don't tell me what I NEED to do! I'm not usually this ghetto... these are just thoughts and I would never tell her something like that.
How the hell do you deal with people like this? How? I am having a difficult time not going bridezilla on some people. I don't want to be Bridezilla. I think I literally need actual lines to say when someone says something like the above.