Post # 1
Sorry if this has been discussed already on the Waiting board (I imagine it probably has). But I keep seeing engagement announcements popping up all over the place on Facebook and while I am happy for the couples, it’s still so hard not to be jealous, especially because most of these couples have not been dating nearly as long as my SO and I have. Today I saw that a girl who went to my high school just got engaged, and she and her now fiance only started dating near the beginning of 2014. And that just kind of really got to me. She’s a sweet girl and I’m happy for them, but it makes me wonder what I am doing wrong when he is able to decide within a mere few months that she’s the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, and I’ve been waiting years and still don’t have that commitment.
So anyway. Do you get jealous when seeing others getting engaged all the time, and how do you deal with it? I feel so pathetic for letting this stuff get to me, because it’s obviously not the other couple’s fault that my SO and I aren’t engaged yet, but I can’t help it.
Post # 2
I’m waiting too- Its easier for me because I know my engagement is coming. So I am grateful for what I have and can be truly happy for others. What happens when you talk to him about wanting marriage? Are you happy with your relationship and how it’s progressing? I think you have to be happy with your own life to be really happy for others.
Post # 3
I’m waiting as well. I’ve been with my SO for over 4 years and at times it has been a tough pill to swallow watching couples get engaged and married when they haven’t been together nearly as long. I’ve seen a lot of engagements and wedding photos pop up on facebook lately and it can be hard to feel like you’re being left behind. Try to treat yourself to something. Or do things you enjoy with your SO.
Like the PP My SO has said he’s going to ask me before the end of the summer,- so I have some idea that we are on the same page and that this is something that is going to happen.
Don’t be afraid to talk to your SO about what the two of you want in the future. Do you both see this relationship heading towards marriage eventually? That’s probably the first discussion you need to have to make sure you’re on the same page about this. Very few proposals are a complete surprise, often the couple has talked at least about being on the same page regarding wanting to get married and whenabouts they might be ready for it.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2014 - Easton's Beach Rotunda Ballroom
WannaBeABride: I know just how you feel…
My SO and I were dating FOREVER before he proposed (seriously. he got OBK on our 11th anniversary). It got to the point where I hated going on FB because the amount of engagements and wedding photos were crazy. Part of me would be super happy for my friends but then another part of me wanted to wither up and die (maybe a bit over dramatic…but y’know).
For us it was never a matter of not wanting to spend the rest of our lives together. I always knew we would grow old together. It was just waiting for him to be ready for marriage. And I’m glad I waited because he has been so supportive and into the planning. It’s been fun! We are getting married 2 weeks after our 12th anniversary and I couldn’t be happier.
Post # 5
My younger sister got engaged this past Christmas. I’m 28 and she’s 26 and we have been with our SOs for almost the exact same amount of time – 4 years. In fact, we introduced each other to our SOs on the same day. While I am positively thrilled for them, I can’t help but feel jealous that she’s planning a wedding and I am not.
Add that to everyone else in the world getting engaged and having babies (thank you for rubbing it in my face, Facebook), and I totally and completely understand your jealousy.
Post # 6
It’s hard to deal with sometimes, but that’s just how life is. I’m nearly 30 and have been watching other people in my life hit milestones way before I have. My best friend got married seven years ago and had her first kid two years ago, my little sister has an almost eight year old, one of the women I go to school with just got engaged (and she’s only 18), another is five months pregnant, and then the other random friends and coworkers who’ve gotten married/had babies/whatever. That’s just how life is. Everyone’s life moves at a different pace. Mine just seems to be on the slower path.
My guy and I have discussed getting engaged and married at length and he knows I’m on this board (doesn’t know the screen name, though). I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. He knows he wants me to be his wife, but he can’t get his brain in order to bite the bullet yet (he’s traditional). So in the absence of the official engagement, I’m just trying to not overthink it. I’m thinking about what’s going on with us, but am trying to ignore what’s going on with everyone else. Their engagements, their babies, their whatevers don’t change the fact that he loves me and wants me to be his wife. Someday. For me, it’s just a matter of being patient and waiting for him to figure it out for himself.
Easy to say, but hard to do. And no, you’re not pathetic. You’re human.
Post # 7
WannaBeABride: by dumping the person I was with and getting drunk at friends’ weddings.
Not saying this is the mature way to handle it, but ultimately I felt like seeing my friends get engaged to great guys helped me dump the Bad Boy(tm) or Douche Bro(tm) and available for my now FI!
Post # 8
It sucks and it makes me so angry and sad at the same time. I work in events and work with engaged couples ALL DAY LONG. FOUR of my friends just got engaged this week and everyone is asking “so where’s YOUR ring? why hasn’t he proposed yet?”. I’m unbelievably fucking sick of being just the girlfriend.
Not only has he pushed back the engagement date well over a year after we agreed to be engaged, he’s now debating getting engaged at all. I feel strung along and manipulated and hurt. He brushes me off and can’t understand why I can’t just be happy with our current relationship.
Post # 9
…another friend got engaged, only this time it was at disney world… Which is exactly where I’m going on vacation in a few weeks, only I know I won’t leave with a ring like her 🙁
I keep thinking of why I truly love my BF and how much he takes care of me for the last 5 years and I have been crying happy tears. But it only makes me want toBBw engaged more
Post # 10
we didn’t engaged until after 2 years of dating. many others i know got engaged after a year or just after. DH and I talked about marriage all the time so i knew it was coming, eventually.
we ended up have a short engagement and “beat” almost everyone else down the aisle. i know it isn’t a race and i am not comparing myself to them.
it is nothing you did. just be patient. it will happen.
Post # 11
WannaBeABride: I used to be a “waiting” bee and it’s definitely hard when those thoughts pop up, you can’t really help it.
You have to step back and look at your relationship without the influence of there’s. Comparing relationships I’d see “I’ve been with my SO (now FI) for 8 years, since we were teenagers, they’ve been dating 8 months! Why would he want to propose to her so quickly and my SO not?”
But WITHOUT comparison I’d see that my FI and I weren’t ready yet. We love each other but the first few years of our relationship we were teenagers, then he was in the military, then we both went through college. We didn’t even have to opportunity to live together. If we had gotten engaged *sooner* we’d have been planning a wedding, moving to a different state and starting new jobs all at once and would’ve spent the majority of our engagement long distance.
But there is a difference is someone who is waiting for the right time in life and someone who doesn’t want to get married at all. Make sure you talk to him about it. If you plan on spending your life with him you should be able to have this discussion without it feeling like “pressure”.
Post # 12
- Wedding: March 2016 - Modern, Classic, Fun
WannaBeABride: I know exactly how you feel and can relate 100. Jealousy is a very evil emotion and can take over all rational thinking. At the end of the day, what does it matter ehat other people have. At the end of the day, you only have to live your life, not theirs. And I’d rather be in a stable, solid relationship before getting married with a partner who WANTS to marry me whole heatedly, as opposed to some women I know who have ultuna tuna and did nothing short of drag their husband down the isle. One thing that can help is stay off or take a break from social media. That’s what I’ve done and tried to focus in the now. Spend that time with your SO or working on yourself and you might find your jealousy subsides and you will remember how awesome your life is. And there is always someone out there you would kill for what you have 🙂
Post # 13
I was officially “waiting for the ring” for almost 3 years. It was really hard. During this time my younger sister got engaged after only being with her bf for maybe 6-8 months. They got married before I even had a ring on my finger. And then you add on all the people getting engaged/married on Facebook (some of them already on their second marriage- not that that’s a good thing, but it makes you think how can they get TWO people to marry them, and I can’t even get ONE guy who claims to love me to do so??) and I was a wreck.
Difficult as it was, now that we are engaged and getting married this summer I now feel like it’s the right time for us. We’re in a great place in our relationship, we really know each other, and the wedding planning is going smoothly. I’m not saying all people who date a short time before getting engaged/married don’t have solid relationships, but I look at my sister and her husband and while I do believe they love each other they fight a lot. I’d rather date longer and know that we’re going to get along on a day to day basis (not that we won’t ever fight, of course). I just could not stand the constant drama that they have going on.
I know something that did not help the waiting time was getting frustrated and mopey. It just made my now FI feel bad because I never explained why I was so upset, so to him I was just being cranky and giving him the silent treatment for no reason and I think it made him need to take more time to get to that commitment stage. I didn’t want to nag him about getting engaged all the time, but not discussing why it wasn’t happening just made it worse! Once I decided just to take it as it comes and enjoy our time together things got better. Good luck 🙂
Post # 14
WannaBeABride: Another waiting bee here. First of all, you are in no way crazy and shouldn’t feel bad for being jealous. I have had the exact same reactions to other people’s engagements. This past April my boyfriend’s brother got married and he and his now wife have only been together for a month longer than my boyfriend and I have. When they first got engaged I couldn’t help but feel like it should have been us. I was irritated because I didn’t understand what he saw in her and what my boyfriend didn’t see in me. I was also frustrated because they were living with her parents and her parents were paying the majority of her bills and ended up paying for their wedding. Although, I felt my boyfriend and I were in a much better position in terms of maturity and responsibilty, realistically we couldn’t afford all of it at the time they could. Sorry for the rant. What I am trying to say is, every relationship is different just like every emotion is unique. I have come to realize that even though I am not engaged, I have a great relationship and a man who is worth waiting for. He has told me he wants to marry me and start a family, but he has also made it very clear that he doesn’t want to be so quick to get married that we miss out on enjoying other things or that we get ourselves in over our head with engagement and wedding costs. Just hang in there my dear. It will happen and it will mean so much more knowing that you have put time into your relationship.
Post # 15
I understand! The only one that has made me a teeny bit jealous is a good friend of mine that got engaged within a few months of being with her new partner.. Having said that, there were a few other things going on with our relationship at the time, and I found out about it through facebook (which I was a bit hurt by, we’ve been close friends for years!) – so its hard to know exactly where those emotions were coming from.
Other than that, most of my friends who have become engaged have been with their partners for longer than I’ve been with mine, so that doesn’t seem to phase me as much.. But I certainly don’t think we can help what we feel, so long as we keep those emotions in check, remember that every one is in a different situation and keep focussing on our own relationships 🙂