(Closed) How do you deviding up chores in the houses with FI

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

Well I am not engaged yet but I’ve been living with BF for six months.

I often to the cooking, although he will cook dinner a couple of times a week. I usually cook because I finish work earlier than him so I usually have the food ready when he comes home, and because I enjoy it more than he does. When I cook dinner he will do the dishes, and vice versa.

We always do the food shopping together. We do a big shopping round every weekend.

We alternate between cleaning the bathroom.

He tends to dust and swipe the floors more than me, but I usually do the laundry.

I think we divide our chores in a very equal way 🙂

Post # 4
Member
5371 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016

We’ve been living together since September and we divide things up pretty equally, although it’s tough now because he is only going to school part-time and not working so I would like him to help out a bit more than usual.

We do all the grocery shopping together and he cooks everynight since I get home late and can’t really cook. I tend to clean the bathroom, living room, and do the dishes. He does the vaccuming, laundry, and the bedroom. We both take turns dusting and doing the windows. Usually I’ll mop and collect the garbage and he’ll take down the garbage.

It works out pretty well, although sometimes I get annoyed that he slacks off on his days off so I have to catch up on cleaning and reading on my one day off.

Post # 5
Member
3801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’ve lived with my boyfriend about 1.5 years. He works very long hours and I am home early, so I clean (I used to clean for an agency in college, so I”m very efficient and I like it) and cook. SO drives for a large company, so he could be on the road until 9pm and not get home until 10pm some weeknights.I just feel like it’s not fair for me to demand a lot out of him around the house, since he literally has no free time aside from weekends…and on weekends that’s when we get to hang out together. He pays bills on time and gives me money to do our grocery shopping (he’s great with money so I’d rather him handle that aspect anyway). I don’t ask him to do a lot because he is exhausted after 10+ hr days at work, but when I ask for help he does help me and when he sees I’m extra tired from the week he will ask what he needs to help me with. We do our own laundry. He is not as picky as me, so he doesn’t get on me if the house is dirty, he knows I’ll do it and he appreciates when I do things for him because not many people understand what it’s like to live with someone who works such long days. He did offer to pay for a cleaning service, but I thought that was ridic because 1. I can do it and 2. It’s only us in the house. Maybe once we have a family I will change my mind!

Post # 6
Member
5572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

We have lived together for a little over a year and we are divided pretty evenly. I do most of the cooking and dishes. I also keep the house clean and do most of the laundry. He helps me with any of these things when I feel overwhelmed or I ask him too and he has no problem with it. He’s also very helpful in keeping things up, like he will put his clothes in the hamper instead of leaving them on the floor.
 
He does almost all of the outside stuff. I’ll help him garden but other than that the outside is basically up to him. He also takes care of all of the bills. Our finances are combined and we budget together monthly. We discuss all major purchases but we both also by things for ourselves without feeling guilty. He also keeps our cars running, functional and in good shape!
 
I have no problem with how everything is divided, it works really well for us. FI’s brother lives with us and I wish he would help more but he’s always been spoiled and honestly doesn’t think to do things unless you bring it up…its frustrating!

Post # 7
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Chores: 

Cooking: He rarely cooks for me.  Usually though not always he will help out when I ask.  I cook my myself about half the nights and enlist his help the other half.

Grocery shopping: I do it by myself half the time and with him the other half.  He won’t go by himself for big trips, but will pick up 1-2 items on the way home from work.

Dishes: I do most of the dishes.  I’m very much looking forward to our kitchen being done and having a dishwasher installed!  I tend to pick up dishes/trash from around the place too.

Trash:  He takes it out upon (repeated, sigh) request by me.  I would very happy if it would take only one ask.  I’ve started taking it out to avoid this situation.  He cleans all litter for his cat.

Sweeping: I initiate it once a week.  He sometimes chips in when he sees me doing it.

Vacumining, bathrooms etc: I usually initiate it, every few weeks.  Sometimes he’ll chip in.  He’ll clean the toliet on request. 

Laundry: We usually do 2 loads a week, together.  I fold it without him about 1/3 of the time and generally put it away by myself.  (He believes there is no point to folding and putting away laundy.) 

Shoveling: He shovels the car out by himself most of the time in the wintertime.

Driving: He usually drives us places.

I used to work a job with incredibly long hours, but we didn’t live together then.  Now we’re both about equally busy.  We’re now struggling with a happy medium for household chores.  I feel the current division is quite unfair, he feels that his contributions (such as driving) aren’t valued and that I want things “too clean.”  I’m hoping once the kitchen is done we can sit down to agree on a chores list.  So far he’s resisted that.  We split household bills roughly equally (e.g. we don’t look at the gas bill each month to divide it up but take an average, we roughly alternate on paying for expenses such as grocery bills, though he tends to buy more of the meals out/entertainment.  He’s currently paid substantially more than me though that didn’t use to be the case).

In terms of other activities/interest are we opposites?  No, we share a lot of the same interests from intellectual to sports.  For example, we both dislike going to the gym but like to play soccer (how we met).  I’m more in shape than him (thanks to genetics and eating smaller portions) but I would never tell him to go to the gym because I dislike it myself – about all I could see myself suggesting is that we join another physical activity together.  Similar sense of humor, similar values (e.g. education is important, professional interest in health related issues).  Both generally on the same page on finances, but he stresses about having enough to retire and I think we’re good savers so we’ll be fine.

Post # 8
Member
4804 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

What he does:

  • gives me half of my mortgage payment each month
  • cooks about 80% of the time
  • cleans the kitchen
  • takes out the garbage
  • feeds the dog and takes her out in the morning

What I do:

  • pay the other half of my mortgage
  • pay the strata fees and utilities (it’s my place)
  • cook about 20% of the time
  • do the laundry
  • do other various cleaning (bathroom, dusting, floor)
  • feed the dog and take her out in the afternoon

 

 

Post # 9
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

When he moved in we just naturally fell into a habit of what each does without discussing any of it.

I can’t properly load a dishwasher to save my life so he always cleans the kitchen.  I will do the inside cooking most times, and he handles the grill. 

He can’t stand cleaning the bathroom or mopping floors so I get those but he always vacuums and takes out the garbage.

Laundry I do the most of, but he will help fold and puts his clothes away.  I laugh at him when I ask him to sort the clothes and he gives me this blank look.  He just dosen’t grasp the concept of lights and darks.  We make our bed together (with a king it’s so much easier with 2 people than doing it by myself).

We always grocery shop together and split that when we check out.  All our bills we evenly split for the most part.   

Without trying we have just made it work well for us.

Post # 10
Member
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

He pays the rent. I keep the house. And buy groceries.

Post # 11
Member
248 posts
Helper bee

My SO and I moved in together 3 months after starting dating. We have now been together for two and a half years.

It took a long time to get on the same page with keeping the house in order and to agree on certain things. As it is now:

  • We both always put shoes and coats away in the closet when we get home and we always put our things away to keep the counters and tables clean and clear
  • We do our own separate grocery shopping, but if one of us wants some food from the pantry or fridge that the other bought, then we just take it and share
  • He pays his own mortgage for the place where we live, and I give him $500 for rent plus I pay the cable and internet bill
  • I take care of the dogs since they are technically mine and he very rarely helps out with them (he says he will help more if I train them to behave better, lol)
  • We both do our own separate laundry. Occasionally I’ll throw a load of his in for him, but I have been known to get random lint stuck to it coming out of the washer (I have no idea where it comes from!) so he doesn’t like me to do his laundry, lol
  • We just recently started having a maid come bi-weekly, so we no longer have to do regular cleaning that much ourselves
  • We have a piece of paper on the fridge with his name on one side and mine on the other. We take turns running the dishwasher and then emptying it and then flip the paper so we know whose turn it is. No dishes are to be left in the sink unless the dishwasher is running
  • He shovels our snow when needed
  • He more commonly takes out the trash, but I do it sometimes
  • We don’t cook much, so we just agree on meals to throw together or to pick up

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