Post # 1
…Like the title says, how do you express your internal timeline to your SO? My inner timeline is quickly approaching and I have an idea of what to say, but I think I just need some extra input from other ‘waiters’. I’ve had many internal timelines but chickened out when they approached, or he did something so utterly sweet that I got naive and thought… ‘Ohhh, ok. I guess I can wait just a wee bit more’.
Post # 3
LOL – this is a good one. I said “I want to get married while I still look like this. Not when I’m in my 50’s”
Post # 4
@prshadow: LMAO, that’s hilarious.
Post # 5
I just put it all out on the table! I told him my ring size, what ring I wanted, and that I was tired of waiting. 🙂
Post # 6
I just turned 40 and for some reason I still look 30. So I said that very thing,
Also, I refuse to get preggers before being married. Since I am 40 time is really an huge issue with that as well, so engaged-married-baby please!! lol
ETA: I just told him the oldie but the goodie… Now that I’ve met the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with, I want the rest of my life to start right now! I also told him that I want to have a special day to celebrate our love with our closest friends and family, but also one that celebrates us.
Post # 7
I’ve said various things over time. I’ve said I want to married in my late 20s. I’ve said I want to get married/engaged when I finish grad school. He wanted to move in together and I said I wont do that without a ring. We know when we want to have kids and I’ve hold him I’d like to have a few years of just being married before doing that. So, having said all these things, he can do the math. I’ve never explicitly said “I have an internal timeline of X date” but I’ve asked him when he sees us married. His timeline fit mine so it worked out.
Post # 8
What kind of timeline is it?
I only have timelines for talks. A “marry me or I’m out” timeline just doesn’t work for me on a number of levels. If it’s just a timeline to have a discussion about your future it’s easy. Obviously you just sit down and start to talk. If it’s a “I want to be married by X date” I think you need to choose your words more carefully. Know in the back of your head why you want that date, and be willing to hear his side out too.
Post # 9
I just told him one morning that I really don’t want to be 27 or 28 and not engaged or married because that means we’ve dated for 8-9 years and aren’t engaged/married yet! That wasn’t the timeline discussion/agreement though, that was just “freaking out” about graduating grad school and starting LDR and wanting him to know we need to think about marriage soon so we’re not “just dating” until the end of time.
Post # 10
I was pretty open. After both of my parents got engaged after splitting up from eachother just over a year before that, I had a meltdown and had “the talk” with SO. I told him my timeline out right – engaged by 23, married by 24, ttc around 25. luckily, he agreed that this was all a fair timeline, as it should have been as I was 21 when i gave him the timeline, and we had been together for 4 1/2 years, living together for 1. sheesh! that was a year ago already!
Post # 11
@prshadow: I say stuff like that all the time. This weekend it was “I guess I should go shopping with your mom. By the time she’s my Mother-In-Law, she won’t be much fun to push in a wheelchair around the mall.” (She’s 50).
Post # 12
I told him one New Years Eve that he had until the next one to propose, if not I would propose to him.
Does he know your timeline?
Post # 13
He doesn’t know my timeline, but he knows that I’m ready. NOW.
Post # 14
I just told my SO that I would like to be married by 2013 so it’s 2011 now. I’ll be done with school the end of this year and get a job sometime next year. He knows I need a year to plan the wedding mostly to just get the vendors and especially the venue. The ball is in his court now.
Post # 15
i couldn’t really have a timeline with my bf. it was, we’d get engaged when he felt financially stable. that time is FINALLY coming this year, mid year, so i have been waiting at least a good two solid years for a ring. he’s finally told me HIS timeline towards buying the ring, and with his freelancing it should be sometime around june. i just hope he doesn’t wait till he has it all to go to the jeweler…go to the jeweler to PREPARE for it so he can buy it as soon as he has the cash. lol.
that being said he’s known for the last two years that i have been waiting for it. i told him i would not be one of those girls who went a full 4-5 years with no ring. but honestly i don’t think i could leave him just cuz he didn’t propose. i love him too much! lol.
Post # 16
I think this is one of those subjects where it is not what you say but how you say it. I would not use the phrase “we have to talk” but I would sit him down seriously and say “What do you want long term with me?” If he answers “marriage” I would say “when do you think that will happen by?” If he gives you a decent timeframe then drop it. If he is very vague and/or gives you a time in the distant future then you need to talk to him. I would have this talk from “your perspective”- in other words, I would be careful to avoid telling him what to do but, rather, I would talk about your concerns. For instance, I wouldn’t say “you have x amount of time.” I would say “My life goals inclue a marriage and children and I really, really love you. I want to reach my goals by such and such a time. I would love if we could do that together but if we can’t then I understand that I may have to go elsewhere to fulfill my goals. I love you very much and I want us both to be happy. I want to know what you think about what I just said.” If he doesn’t relent and won’t commit to a reasonable timeframe then you may have to seriously re-think the relationship. Good Luck!