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My Fiance and I had agreed on a cake and punch reception when we set our first date which has since passed. Anyways, when we mentioned it awhile back my FMIL wasn't receptive at all, she got huffy and replied with "I guess I'll have to throw something together at the hotel for our family."
So I was wondering, how do you feel about a cake and punch reception for a small wedding?
Personally, I would be okay with it, but I'm pretty easy to please. Are you wanting to do it this way to save $$?
I would make sure that if you do that, you make it clear on the invitation that it will only be cake and punch and don't have it right at meal time or people will hurry away to get food.
What time of day would it be at? You'd want to make sure your guests can go somewhere to eat a full meal, and that food would be nearby.
Yeah, we were thinking an early afternoon wedding and would specify it on the invitation.
It's mainly to save money.
@beekiss: I think that's totally acceptable. If your FMIL wants to do something with your FH's family later, then let her and be confident in your decision to only have cake and punch. I've been to weddings like this before and didn't sense any hostility or disappointment among guests.
I've never been to a wedding where there was less than a full dinner, so based on that, I'm not sure how happy I'd be having only cake and punch. I might only stay an hour if I was hungry, and I KNOW my husband wouldn't be too happy!
I think it's TOTALLY acceptable and your FMIL is just trying to be passive aggressive in not getting what she wants.
We did a brunch wedding and I think we could've totally gotten away with just doing a cake/punch reception and it would've said quite a bit of money AND stress. lol
Do what works for you and your FH and let anyone else just deal with their own issues
@amnystik: Thanks, yeah, my FMIL makes lovely quips that apparently I only hear since her kids are used to ignoring it.
Thanks ladies for the responses! We're hoping for a 1 p.m. wedding so any reception we'd have would be around 2-2:30 p.m.
I think they are very personal and cute. I like cake and punch events in general (wedding or not).
Now that I've had a full dinner reception, in hindsight I would have been just as if not more happy with cake and punch (with lots of cake, I like cake and even with a very unset stomach managed to have cake at my own wedding despite passing my dinner off to DH)
I say go for it!
Thank you ladies! I appreciate all of your opinions on this! I just need to develop a thicker skin to my FMIL. I do legitimately want to give my guests a good time but at the same time, we will be recent college grads who are paying for it ourselves and trying not to go into debt in doing so.
Totally acceptable, just make sure that the invite lets guest know that it is not a full reception, and don't have it at meal time.
We are doing cocktails only, and no one in my family has said anything negative about it.
I think it depends on what's important to you and how you. For me, I love food. My family celebrates significant events with a good meal. For me personally, I'd rather cut my guest list to almost nothing and have a meal in a nice restaurant with my nearest and dearest than have more people and not have a meal.
But I also I don't think there's anything wrong with cake and punch receptions.
It sounds like your FMIL is being a passive-aggressive martyr. No one is *asking* her to provide dinner for your fiance's family, and presumably they are all adults (or at least with their parents if they're not) and are therefore probably quite used to securing their own food most days. So she's creating work for herself and then passing the resentment along to you, which is just.... "silly and counterproductive" would be the most diplomatic words for it.
Sounds like her children have the right idea: Ignore her when she does it.
I guess my question is, for those who don't like it, would you even show up if you knew that it was a cake and punch reception? All of our guests will be coming from out of town.
Yes, I would come.
It's not "just a cake and punch reception." It's your wedding.
I think it would be fine to do. Personally as a guest I would be underwhelmed and disappointed but I would still go. I just think that it would be more like going to a birthday party then a wedding. It doesn't say celebration to me.
ETA: Also, now that I see most will be coming in from out of town, as a guest, I would feel like it was almost a waste of a trip. You come all the way there for this event and you stay for about 2 or 3 hours because your probably not going to have a DJ so there will be no dancing. So while you may enjoy a peice of cake and then talk to a few people that isn't going to take you very long. If I were to travel for just a cake or punch reception I don't know if I would go. Depends on how far the travel was. I wouldn't fly for it.
I would say its fine as long as the reception occured between meals, like your wedding is at 1:00 and the cake and punch reception is at 2:00. People will want to have a full meal in their bellies and most will not stay for as long as a dinner+dancing reception. If you are fine with those times and having a short reception than I think it is perfectly fine as long as you make sure all your guests know they wont be served a meal. Ive been to one and while it was nice to eat lots of cake most people left after an hour. If this is what you want than go for it, unless your FMIL is paying for the reception she doesnt get a say, its your money. Just make sure you have some different dessert options for people who dont like/cant eat cake.
Until about 15 years ago, cake and punch was normal for anyone but the highest society. I think, as long as it isn't at like 6 in the evening and no one knew to eat before hand or whatever, that would be bad. But seriously if someone is just coming to your wedding for the food why the heck are you inviting them?
@chasesgirl:Maybe where you live it was normal, but I have never been to one where I live. I think it may be more of a Southern /Midwest thing, but not around here. I'd venture to say I've attended at least 40 weddings too.
The point is not that people are coming for the food, but are travelling to a planned event where most would expect they'd get a meal of some sort. I'm sure that's why the FMIL is in a huff, since she's probably embarassed that people won't be fed. She could offer to contribute, but it appears she has not.
Totally acceptable, especially since you're scheduling it around mealtimes :). One tiny thought, though, is that you should probably provide packed lunches for your wedding party if you're wanting them to get there early for pictures or anything. I know I was a bm at one, and everyone else was fine, but since I had gotten there three hours early I was starving!
@smyley: Agreed with all. I would be rpetty pissed if I traveled and was treated to a quicky ceremony/reception. If your people are all local who cares. One thing to consider are non-sweets peeps. It might be nice to supply a veggie tray or two.
Out of curiousity...where do people host cake and punch receptions? I imagine you wouldn't want to spring for a venue?
Totally doable! Just make sure there is a lot of cake and punch. Not TONS as it's at 2-2:30 ish but enough that people feel like they have had a nice filling something. Maybe enough for 2 slices each. (Though Im not sure what cake costs are like where you are.) Here I could get a gorgeous cake for 120 for 500. Im not sure how many guest or what you want to spend. But that would be 1000-1500 for cake. Also, with there be dancing? If there is dancing you may want to try to budget in 2-3 slices per person to compensate for calorie burn.
It's a fantastic idea! Not only should you make sure you're not having your cake and punch reception during the dinner hour, you should also make sure that your wedding is not during lunchtime so that guests will make sure they have a full meal BEFORE the wedding and are not starving after the wedding when you will be serving your cake and punch. I'm thinking wedding at 2:00 or 3:00 and reception at 3:00-4:00.
What might be fun is if a specific restaurant is selected for people that want to go to dinner afterwards. Totally optional, but if enough people do that it would be like your wedding reception "after party". I've been to two weddings like that. We had a great time. We didn't mind paying for ourselves.
@smyley: agreed. If most of your guests were local I would say it was fine, but if I'm spending a good amount of money to travel to a wedding I expect a decent meal at the wedding itself. Don't get me wrong, I love cake and I love punch, but if I'm making all this effort for the bride and groom, then I would feel a little slighted if that was all I got when I showed up.
as long as it is not during a usual meal time its fine. If you have a cake/punch reception at noon or 6pm that would not be acceptable. but cake/punch between2-5pm is fine.
I would be completely fine with it. As long as I knew about it in advance and was prepared, I would be thrilled, no matter what food you served :-)
I do not go to a wedding to "get" something so I think it is fine. The last wedding I went to was a cake & punch reception.
I would be okay with it, but would want to know in advance that I need to eat dinner before I go. I wouldn't want to wait and then be starving, thinking there would be a meal.
I think it's totally acceptable. When I go to a wedding, I'm not going for the food. If I were an OOT guest, I would find somewhere to eat after your reception and not think twice about it.
can you give us a tad more info? is it a full 4 hour reception....dancing ect? cash bar? if so then you should look into more food options....a pasta bar is a VERY affordable meal choice. If the guests are just joining you mostly to take part in your ceremony and then a social cake and punch for maybe an hour or so then it is fine by all means.
Nothing at all wrong with it - I would be happy that the bride and groom were sticking with what they could afford and resisting the IMMENSE social pressure to put on a big production. I'd prefer it wasn't during a mealtime, but other than that, I think it would be great.
For me it would depend on my role in the wedding. If I was just a friend coming for a reception of cake/punch in a local area that was in between meal times and it was a casual affair (not have to go buy a new dress), I would be totally fine with it. But if I was a bridesmaid or close family member I would probably be upset to not be provided a meal if I had to buy a bridesmaids dress, or pay for a hotel room, or have to be there a long time for pictures, etc.
i think they are ok - not something i would do to my invited guests but i would totally understand in this day and age that its an option for a couple and would just STFU and be polite about it
If I'm coming from out of town for your wedding, then that means that I am close enough to you that I would pay money to come. I'd be a little irked though if I were staying at a hotel because that means that after the reception, I'd have to go look for food in a town that is not my regular town. But I would still come.
I probably wouldn't be the most pleased but I would still go.....I honestly would probably end up leaving early too though. Most receptions that have been like that I don't stay long because there isn't anything to keep me there for an extended period of time. But if you need to save money just be aware that your wedding guests might head out early!
Sorry I didn't get back to you all promptly.
We're planning on inviting less than 20 people at this point. There wouldn't be dancing or anything like that. We'd probably have the reception in one of the large lecture halls in our Parish. Additionally, the date we have in mind is the same month as one of my cousins wedding date so we're really only doing this for immediate family and a few friends as I don't want to steal any of their limelight or feel like a threat. Plus I wouldn't be burdening as many people with having to attend and then not get a dinner. It's also going to be super casual, my two bridesmaids and one groomsman will be wearing whatever they want. We have no stipulations.
Thanks everyone for the responses. There is significant portion of you that really hate the idea so we'll take that into consideration. I wish we could just elope that way we wouldn't inconvenience anyone. Thanks again.
I think as long as the guests know it's just cake and punch, it will be fine. I'd be happy with it....then again I really like cake.
I much prefer stuff like this to full meals (every wedding reception I've been to has had crap food, aside from ours because we had it at an actual restaurant). I'd welcome cake and punch over lukewarm hotel chicken and bland potatoes, haha.
I'm sorry the responses made you feel that if you don't provide a meal that it would be an inconvience for your guests. That makes me really sad. A meal isn't going to make a guest who wants to attend for the right reasons want to attend even more, and a meal isn't going to make someone who didn't want to go in the first place want to go.
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