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I have no problem with it and I fully intend to partake myself. It is possible to have a beer/cocktail or two and still be completely "present". For me, having a slight buzz loosens me up so I'll definitely be enjoying some mimosas with my girls pre ceremony. I have no problem if FI wants to have a few beers with his guys, too. We're all adults afterall.
Actually, I don't see a problem. We're doing "first look" pics before our ceremony, and I'm actually thinking it might be fun to do them near/at the bar (it's really nice) of the place we're staying.
And really, it's not so different than having champagne in the bridal suite while the bridal party is getting ready (something I've seen done at weddings too)
But it's not a "need" - if anything, it's the opportunity for downtime with each other and/or our bridal party before the big day. I mean, I can't say "It's not a problem" because I don't know the situation fully - but it might be that's all that he wants.
As long as gettign drunk is not the goal, I don't see a problem with a celebratory toast with his freinds before the ceremony. We got married in a church and I had a glass of champagne before hand with my girls and my mom/aunts. He had some whiskey that one of the groomsmen brought to his suite, no one was drunk. One of the groomsmen may have over induldged via a flask during photos but we all had a laugh at his inability to balance on rocks and he was by no means wasted, just a bit off blance. I don't think it's disrespectful at all and no one will even know if he has a drink before the ceremony to calm his nerves/get into the spirit.
Our minister gave my hubby a swig of Irish whisky from his flask before the ceremony. Not enough to get drunk by any means, but enough to 'calm the nerves'.
I understand your feelings. "A few" seems excessive. But I also agree with the other ladies. I plan to have a glass or two of champagne with my bridesmaids while getting ready, but that will be 2-3 hours before the ceremony. I suspect my FI will grab a beer or two with/after lunch with his groomsmen, but certainly no more than two, and again, it'll be at least a couple of hours before the ceremony. If your FI is envisioning having 3 drinks in the hour leading up to your wedding, I totally understand why you'd have a problem with that. See if you can get him to promise that he will have no more than X number of drinks and will stop at Y time, and enlist his most responsible groomsman or your FILs to make sure it happens.
we have a two drink limit. i look even shittier in photos if I have a buzz on than I do when I'm sober. who needs that?
@Oneeleven: That was my other concern - glassy eyes in photos.
I guess I see the reception as the opportunity to drink and celebrate but I'd really prefer he not drink before the actual ceremony. I just see it as unnecessary. There is some history in our situation that I'd really prefer not to disclose, but it is interesting that most others are saying a few drinks would be fine. Something more for me to consider.
I don't see any reason to be drinking before the ceremony. There will be plenty of time at the reception for that.
Maybe I'm saying that because I live in Wisconsin, and 1 Wisconsin bloody mary will get my FI very drunk. (3 Minnesota bloody mary's won't even give him a buzz, lol)
@milesbella: I think it really depends on your views as a couple on alcohol and your feelings about drinking. I personally think that if you care enough about this one thing, your FH should respect that and limit his intake to one beer, even if he thinks he'll be perfectly sober with more in his system.
I would also be a bit concerned if he said "a few drinks" beforehand... my sister's DH and his groomsmen did shots a bit before the wedding and were giggling in the church. No one in the congregation really noticed, but my sister felt so bad.
I will not be partaking, but that is mostly because I am a lightweight and one drink will be enough to give me a buzz and I don't want to be cloudy headed or flushed more than usual... Also, I don't drink often but when I do I tend to drink more than I need... Which isn't very much, but I don't want to be wasted at my wedding. I might have a drink or two at the reception but I will not drink beforehand...
I would really like my FI to not drink beforehand, but I know he and his boys will have a shot and probably a beer before... He owns a bar and all of his guys are either bartenders or bar managers... I'm sure there will be alcohol. He can handle a lot more alcohol than I can, so a drink or two before wouldn't affect him at all.
However, he made sure he didn't drink anything before he proposed to me... so maybe he will do the same before our wedding... Either way, it's not a big deal to me what he does, I just know how I want to feel. :)
If it's just a couple of drinks, I don't see a problem with it, honestly. I think he'd still be clear-minded enough to participate in the ceremony and know what he's doing and enjoy everything. I don't think he has a problem with alcohol, he may just want to have a few beforehand to relax and calm any nerves he may have about standing up there in front of everyone!
I was in a good friend's wedding and I was extremely nervous about being in front of everyone, even though I didn't have to really do anything except stand there. I was SO grateful that in the hotel room with her and the other BMs, she provided momosas, because it really helped me to relax before the wedding.
I think it'd be best to compromise on this with him, and make it clear to him that it will not be acceptable for him to be falling-down drunk, or even tipsy at the ceremony. Let him have a couple drinks, but make him be responsible about it.
I had a few sips of champagne while getting ready with the girls. It's just fun and relaxing but I would never get drunk or even buzzed before the ceremony.
BTW, I thought this thread was going to be about serving the guest drinks before the ceremony, which I also approve of-in moderation of course:)
I can't see how one drink would be "completely inappropriate and disrespectful". That's a bit extreme.
I don't see a problem with it. A lot of times, a drink will help with the nerves and help calm you down. For ours the bride side we did mimosa's (though mine barely had any alcohol in it)
I would prefer that Mr. LK is stone cold sober for the ceremony, yet I plan to have his best man give him a shot or two right before. Why? Because I want Mr. LK to loosen up for our first look and family photos. He is soooo stiff in front of a camera. I am hoping that a lil vodka will take the edge off so that he can be himself instead. Since the first look photos are 90 minutes before the ceremony, the alcohol will be pretty much out of his system by vow time.
For my sister's wedding we did, for mine we didn't. It was mainly because of my mom, we were at the same hair salon for my wedding whereas for my sister's she purposely picked a different hair salon so my mom wouldn't know we had something to drink. There was a ton of time before the ceremony, so we were all completely sober by then.
I don't think it's disrespectful. The minister told us that the bride and groom could be totally trashed when they get married (they have to be sober when they get the marriage certificate). It's the witnesses who have to be sober. My MIL was even given a drink by her priest on her wedding day right before the ceremony because of how nervous she was.
I don't know what that history is but FI and I have some history as well. We don't drink very often and when we do, sometimes he goes overboard. Fine at a BBq at home but not for our wedding. After incident number 'two' of this over indulgence at inappropriate times in our relationship we had a very serious meeting of the minds and he won't do it again. Especially at our wedding (and its double hard as we will be in an all inclusive resort at the time! lol)
good luck with it all. I really hope it all works out ok for both you guys.
I dont see it as a big deal. I could totally see me and my girls having a couple of mimosas before the ceremony to celebrate and none of us have a drinking problem.
I don't see a problem with it; however, we are getting married in a catholic church and our priest said if he smells booze on us, he won't marry us...
@saskgirl: Its the same with me, my FI would like a drink pre ceremony (hell he will probably need one he gets so nervous) but in UK civil cereomnies, if they smell ANY amopunt of alcohol on you,they simply will not marry you. FI said hes just going to have vodka because it doesnt really smell but I know he will wimp out and not have any because he wouldnt want to risk it.
If it was any other way, I wouldnt mind him having one or two drinks before because he can REALLY hold his drink, but at the same time more than 2 and I would be a little annoyed.
OP see if you can come up with a compromise that is ok with the both of you, maybe that he can have one drink an hour before the ceremony?
Me and my girls will sip on Champagne and the guys will probably have one beer. I think its ok if he isnt getting buzzed but something to have while getting ready and for pics is always fun :)
OP, I agree with you 100%. There are times and places to have a buzz, and your own wedding ceremony is not one of them. I think it's totally inappropriate.
Plus, I hate the way beer smells and tastes, and I would be extremely upset if my first kiss to my new husband tasted like beer breath /:
I think one drink is fine. "A few" doesn't sit well with me only because there is no stated limit. A few to me could be two, but it could mean more than that to someone else. Maybe that's the issue. He isn't giving himself a cut off. If FI wants to have one drink or if I do, that's cool. But my MOH can't - she's a COMPLETE lightweight. I'm talking, she can get drunk off like a smirnoff ice. Lol. I think knowing your own limits is wise. :) AND having a cut off on such an important day.
I'm definitely having a few redbull and vodkas before the ceremony. I don't handle crowds well so it'll only help me. I hope my FI has a few beers to loosen himself up too. I don't want us to look nervous and stiff in our wedding pictures lol.
I had no problem with it and I had a couple glass of champagne myself. To me, having a couple drinks before the ceremony is just a part of the celebration. Not getting wasted, but just having a drink or two with friends is not a big deal.
I don;t see the point in it. Plus, if you consume any amount of alcohol before the ceremony, the ceremony will be considered null and void because you are under the influence while participating in (and signing documents related to) legal matters, which you must be fully sober for.
We talked about this so we are on the same page and have agreed to one or two drinks in the morning while getting ready.
My mom plans to have some champagne for us girls while getting ready. I also thought that the wedding party will have something to do a little toast or whatever when we go for pics. But one drink. We do not want anyone to look drunk for our pictures that we are paying a bunch of money for.
I said though that after the pictures are done and we get to the reception that the wedidng party can do what they please.
We made our own agreement to only have one or two drinks with dinner and then if either one of us wants to have a few drinks we will wait until after the band starts.
We (the girls) had champagne while getting ready just for fun and because my MOH was sweet enough to bring it.
The guys sat in the limo drinking whiskey. They had teased me for months before the wedding that they were all going to be drunk at the ceremony but they were all just fine.
It was all just part of the celebrating and fun for us!
I wouldn't do it, personally... but to each their own. We saved the drinking for the reception. :) At my sister's wedding, the church representative told us point blank that under no circumstances could ANYONE be under the influence (including bridal party members). It would be grounds for canceling the marriage ceremony. They were very serious about this, and very clear that alcohol was not allowed under any circumstances before the ceremony. Luckily, everyone behaved themselves, and we had lots of fun taking shots in the limo on the way to the reception!
I don't really see the point. If there was ever a moment where I wanted to be completely clear-headed, sober, and fully planted in reality, it was standing in front of my wonderful husband saying the words that would begin our marriage. The fact that it was my wedding day was all the buzz I needed before the ceremony finished and it was party time.
I'd be pissed - FI very rarely drinks and he knows that I really don't like tasting alcohol on him when we kiss - I'd be upset if I went in for our first kiss as husband and wife and got the taste of it. It can wait until the reception. I'm not saying everyone should be like that, but if the bride is upset about it I don't think it should be a big deal for the groom to respect her feelings and not drink beforehand.
I think it really depends on each couple. Me, I will have a glass of champagne (or 2) beforehand as I tend to get "stage fright" very easily and might need it in order to actually walk down the aisle! My FH can handle his liquor fine, and I have no problem if he has a drink or two either. But we are older (I 40 and he 41) and know our limits better than say, a 21 year-old might.
@milesbella: In our church's wedding handbook, they clearly state that the pastor has the right to refuse to marry a couple if they smell alcohol. Neither of us drank before the wedding. I was too nervous to and a bit hungover from the night before. After seeing a few Bridezillas episodes with drunk brides at the altar, I'm anti alcohol before the ceremony. After it, enjoy. Our bridal party got champagne and other stuff for our limo ride and pictures. By that point, it was fine to drink.
I dont see an issue with it, as long as your not getting wasted before your special day. Like when my girls and I get our hair and makeup done that salon provides fruit, pastries and memosas (sp) and I dont see anything wrong with drinking one while having some salon time with my girls. Pluse with all of the nerves that go on during a wedding day some people could use some liquid courage. lol Now again Im not saying get drunk. Its not like Im going to be falling over at the salon and I wont remember my ceremony, so before people jump all over me for that, I just again wanted to make it clear.
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FI and I don't argue much, but we got into a conversation last night that left me pretty frustrated. He doesn't see a problem with having a few drinks with his guys before the actual wedding ceremony. I find it completely innappropriate and disrespectful, not only to me, but to the pastor and also our parents (whom he will be walking down the aisle). He isn't talking about getting wasted, just having a few drinks before the ceremony. Apparently the couple guy friends of his who are married, have done this. To me, if alcohol is that important, then it indicates a problem. I want him to go into this marriage with a clear head - why the need for a few drinks first?
So...I'm curious how others feel about this.