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Let me also say that I don't necessarily think this good or bad, it's just interesting to me how the dynamic of relationships has changed so much.
Thoughts?
My 2 HS BFs and one of my college BFs are my FB friends. However, the serious rel'nship that I was in before I dated DH ended poorly. Our mutual friend (more of my friend) suggested we be friends, and I replied back with "so and so is no longer part of my life" and he thought I was being dramatic...this guy was such a jerk face to me, though!
It really does make it too easy to find people and see what they've been up to. I have an ex that finds me on instant messenger once in a while, friends me, then proceeds to tell me everything that's been going on with him, then he de-friends me. I've learned not to accept his messenger friend requests, and I've totally made my facebook profile private. No Nachos stalking allowed!
This is an interesting question. I do think that the popularity of FB makes it more challenging to break up with someone, especially if you need to sever all ties before you can get over a person. A friend of mine was dating a woman recently, and I thought she was awesome. But after she broke up with him, she defriended him and every single one of his friends, which was sad for me, since I have no other real way of getting in touch with her. But I can totally understand how she wouldn't want to risk seeing stuff from him via my account.
That's why my profiles are super private and I don't accept friend requests from exes. I just don't feel like it's any of their business anymore what I'm up to.
I dont have exes on my FB page... not my "thing". M doesn't either actually or if he does they don't comment on his fb page or any of that kind of thing.
I just realized why that's so easy for me: I'm a geezer. ;) I didn't have a FB page until I was already with Mr. S, and I never had a myspace or anything... so it's not like there was any way any of my exes could have already been involved in my social networking circle, which @redherring's example reminded me of.
haha @Spaniel I think I was already w/ my DH before I got my FB account, too!
I also just got my FB since M and I have been together so I guess that's why it's not such a big deal to me either.
I agree with you and Spaniel are right, I completely delete them as friends - because if I'm no longer speaking to them why keep them there. You're right it can just lead to not-so-great situations.
Sometimes I just like to go "Ugh technology! "
I'm friends with all my ex's on facebook, and Mr. KM is friends with his. He didn't end things on good terms, but has her profile hidden so he can't see it, and he doesn't care to,but he would feel bad if he unfriended her. All except one of my relationships ended on good terms, and I'm friends with two of them, so it doesn't matter that much. I'm meh about facebook, though, so... I'm on there, and I comment on the people I'm close with and see most days of the week, but other than that I use it to share things with my friends who live 400 miles away.
I was already with my FI before I got a FB account and I use my privacy settings diligently. I learned my lesson about that when my daughter's father copied one of my daughter's pictures off my page and onto his...LOL. I found out about it through mutual friends. Now all of my pictures are "friends only".
It's not that I had an issue with him having pictures of our daughter...it was more the creepiness of knowing that he wasn't my friend but b/c we had mutual friends he was using the connection to browse through my photo albums at will. I mean...you can't have a civil conversation with me but you are going through pictures of my life at will....creepy
i also didn't have a FB account until just before DH and I started dating, so the exes weren't a big deal. However, he was friends with his, and when one would write on his wall, it was so weird to me! It didn,t bother me, I just thought it was odd. He isn't friends with them anymore (I think he "unfriended" them when we got married), but it"s an interesting dynamic.
@jamaicabride: I had the same thing happen to me! One of my exes who I wasn't friends with "stole" a picture of me to show his friends, and he posted it on his page! Ever since then my page has been SUPER private.
@DecemberBride....that's the crazy part...it's bad enough that you "stole" the pic...but posting it on your page like you took it OR got it through legit channels takes it to a whole 'nuther level of crazy....LOL
One of my ex-boyfriends we broke up before he had a FB, so we were never friends and didn't have to go through messy unfriending situation. There have been points where we tried to be friends but he was too in love with me to make it work, so we don't try anymore. We're not FB friends and I don't want to be.
I think a lot of it depends upon the nature of the breakup. I'm friends with all my exes and "hookups" on fb, and it's not a problem for me or my SO. I'm also pretty good friends with a few of them too. There is only one bad breakup that I had where I "defriended" the person because I didn't want any contact with the person. No one HAS to accept a friend request and you can defriend someone and make your problem super private, so it seems like any problem can be easily solved by just defriending or with the privacy settings.
I think it depends on the way the relationship ended I think. My exes were all very bad breakups or bad relationships so I stay away from them because it isn't good for me. My profile is private so they can't see any of my information.
I had my ex on both my myspace and facebook for a while, but I defriended him when it became a personal issue for me and I didn't feel it was appropriate when I was with my now husband. Both of these profiles are private now. I do occasionally look him up, but only because I was concerned about him for a while, especially after I cut all communication.
I do find it really interesting, the whole concept of these social networking sites and being friends with exes on them. It adds a whole new dynamic to the "lets just be friends" statement.
My profiles have never been private, I've never had a crazy ex, we all at least broke up calmly. I've only been friends with a few online, and those that have friended me - I would tell them anything about my life if they asked anyways.
I try to keep communication to a minimum, though. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea, which is easy online.
i'm "friends" with all my exes on fb, but all of the break-ups were either on good terms or resolved in person afterwards. also, none of them were ever as serious as fi. one ex wrote a congrats message on my wall after i got engaged--it was actually really nice of him. we broke up amicably--i moved out of state for a job and he didn't want to do distance--but i started dating fi really soon after the ex, and the ex was a little heartbroken that i had moved on so fast...so it was a nice message to get.
I'm friends with all of my exes on facebook except for one. The one I'm not friends with was my 4 year relationship that I was in before I started dating my husband.
He defriended me after I broke up with him and that was perfectly all right with me :) Although we weren't facebook friends anymore, he did call me the week of our wedding to say that he wished us all the best and he was happy for us. It was a very genuine and sweet phone call and I appreciated the effort that he made.
As for the rest of my exes, I don't really care if they see my information or not. It doesn't bother me if they know what's going on in my life. Almost all of my relationships ended well, and we're all on good terms. Not speaking terms...Not even write on your wall for your birthday terms, but there's not really any crazies among them.
This is SO true. I realized the other day that a lot of my fb friends from hs are friends with a total d-bag I dated in hs that tried to beat me up... I don't want him to see me on there! I also live in fear of being friends with someone on fb as my most recent ex - I loathe him, there's still bad blood (over a dog, and what a jerk he is) and I just don't think I would be able to keep my mouth shut. I don't look for him on there, but if we had a mutual friend and he commented on something of their's, I think I'd probably lose it on him just because he makes me that irate!
I really don't want my exes in my business, so I'm not friends with them.
I definitely have a differnet view of a break-up than you do. My partner and I must be in a competition with each other for world title of Best Ex Ever. Seriously, we are both Facebook friends with EVERYONE. OK, almost everyone. He's reading over my shoulder, though, and pointed out one of them defriended him because of political differences. And a couple other he doesn't have added.
Mostly, though, we stay in pretty close contact. We even have some of each others' exes friended because we're all friends now. I think a good half dozen or so will be invited to our wedding. Somehow, I think we may be outliers, but we've both been lucky and tended to make pretty good choices in the people we've dated, even when things don't work out quite right. I don't see that as being reason to not have them in our lives.
I'm friends with an ex on FB that I dated for 3 years.. thankfully he is hardly ever on it. We never talk anymore either, and there have been sooo many times where I just want to delete our FB friendship mainly because he got married nearly 2 summers ago and I get ticked off that HE gets to be happy and married and HE never got HIS heart broken lol. But, there is that tiny part of me that likes to keep tabs and "stalk" his profile waiting for changes..like kids, divorces, etc lol. Is that weird??
I love having FB! I am friends with most of my exes. Most of my relationships just fizzled but "the one who broke my heart HARD). He just recently got a facebook. I just look at him and think..my life is so much better now that hes NOT in it :) I still "stalk" his page though. He's been in the same routine for the past 15 years and married the person he cheated on me with...Good for him LOL!
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I know this is a weird question, so let me explain.
I always thought of a break-up as decision to no longer be involved with the other person. I had pretty clean break-ups, and other than a random phone call here or there (which eventually faded to never talking), I had no idea what was happening in their lives and they had no idea what was happening in mine. I liked it that way. I'm not the girl who stays friends with her exes, probably because mine weren't very nice, but that's besides the point.
Anyway, nowadays, if you're on a social networking site, you can basically know everything that is happening in the life of your ex (and vice versa) by "stalking" them via the internet. This is so odd to me! Your ex can know if you're in a relationship; when you get engaged and married; what your husband looks like; if you have kids, and if you do, what they look like, what their names are, and how old they are; if you have a job, and if so, where you work, and various other things without ever communicating with them.
I personally am not "friends" with my exes on social networking sites, but most of my girl and guy friends are "friends" with their exes on these sites because they think it is "rude" to not friend them. This is all so bizarre to me!
There is also the situation of an ex writing on your SO facebook/myspace page, and then the subsequent "freakout" that happens. I cannot tell you how many friends I've gotten phone calls from because an ex wrote on their SO's wall (BTW, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that! My point is that as little as 7 years ago, this problem didn't exist).
Is this weird to anyone else, or am I the only one?