How do you feel about including "til death do we part" in vows?

posted 3 years ago in Ceremony
  • poll: So?
    I think it should be in every wedding with remotely traditional vows : (67 votes)
    30 %
    I want(ed) it, but it's not for everyone : (41 votes)
    18 %
    I considered/might want it : (25 votes)
    11 %
    I don't/didn't want it but it's nice for some people : (63 votes)
    28 %
    I don't think it should be in any wedding : (11 votes)
    5 %
    Other (I'll explain) : (6 votes)
    3 %
    Other (but I'll let the mystery torture you) : (12 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    2473 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

    @ladyamalthea:  to me,  it seems unnecessary.  Everyone knows marriage is meant to be until death,  and I have no issue including allusions to “forever”, but death seems a bit grim for such a happy day. 

    Post # 4
    473 posts
    Helper bee

    We will be saying “as long as we both shall live.” 🙂 We want traditional vows, but don’t need to sound so grim. 

    Post # 5
    1235 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t know why.. but I feel like if you don’t include a promise for forever or until death do you part, it would kinda feel to me that you’re just waiting for divorce.. Marriage is forever to me and it should be in the vows in some form.

    Edit: I LOVE for as long as we both shall live!

    Post # 6
    7052 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I like it because it emphasises how serious the vows are. If people don’t like mentioning death, “As long as you both shall live” is a good alternative.

    I don’t like saying “forever” or “always” because I believe everyone should be free to remarry if their spouse dies.

    Post # 7
    1253 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    @ladyamalthea:  I like it, my marriage is supposed to be for all of my life, and you know what? Death, while sad, is a part of life. I don’t feel like white-washing my vows. I want it to be very apparant that I know sadness and heartbreak will exist in my life in likely the most important vows that I take. 🙂

    I know it is too grim for some, but I dislike completely shying away from the grim things in life. Not that people should sit there dwelling on sadness or anything, but I always figure if other people have to experience grimness and pain every day, the least I can do is acknowledge and validate its existence and potential to be in mine. Haha, maybe that is a weird way of looking at it.

    Post # 9
    170 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We had “as long as you both shall live” in ours. I don’t think I would’ve liked the word death in there, but it didn’t occur to me because we already had the alternative.

    I think I agree with @paula1248 about it emphasising the seriousness of it.

    I can be funny about certain words, and we didn’t want any promising to be “faithful” to one another in ours. Some people will find that silly, but it just makes me think of cheating, and it weirded me out to include “I won’t cheat” in there. We felt it was a given. *shrug*

    Post # 10
    3637 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    I like it because it’s kind of the most important vow in a lot of ways, like, you can break the others, but we are going to work to fix our problems because we promised “til death do we part”. 

    Also, I think that death has a sort of tragic romance about it, so it all fits. 

    I also like that it mentions parting because a marriage is the beginning of a “together” and what makes emphasises the beauty of a “together” than mentioning the eventual “parting” – so party while you still can! If that makes any sense. 

    I think the alternative is fine too, but I like “’til death” better. 

    Post # 11
    4698 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We didn’t have it in ours, but our vows were extremely non-traditional. “Forever” was sort of subtly implied. I don’t have any particular feelings about “until death” or whatever. It just didn’t fit in our format.

    Post # 12
    1040 posts
    Bumble bee

    I think it should be “Until we start fighting every day and one of us says ‘This just isn’t working anymore’” … ahaha.. nah, I’m not being serious, just being silly 🙂

    Post # 13
    1888 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I’ve almost come to think of it as a curse in may case.  My grandparents and my parents both said those vows.  Their marriages have gone so well that whenever I hear “’til death do us part” I mentally add in “or one of us kills the other”.  I’m very logical, but for some reason I’m feeling very bad mojo on this one.  Still who am I to tell other people what works for them.

    Post # 14
    10840 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    We were asked if we wanted it in ours at the rehearsal the night but I couldn’t remember saying them when I looked back later in the day. I hope we did as I like other PPs have said like the emphasis of it, that it makes on the commitment you both make to each other.

    Post # 15
    2057 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

    I would like to change it to ‘eternally — even until after death do us part’, but my FI and I talked before.. and he told me that if he were to die first, I should re-marry. Surprised

    To my horror, he explained why. “Oh, so I don’t have to worry about you financially when I’m in spirit form.” Innocent

    Post # 16
    291 posts
    Helper bee

    @arabbel:  I feel like that too. Death and sadness are all inevitable and important parts of life, and can be enriching in their own power. I prefer it to “as long as we both shall live”, to me it says that the only thing that can part us is death. 

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