Post # 1
The title says it all — how do you feel about the MOB throwing the bridal shower? Keep in mind, the bridesmaids were more than willing and able to help, but offers to help were ignored/refuted. Now, the date for the shower has been set, but none of the bridesmaids were consulted, we were informed.
I always thought MOB throwing the shower was against etiquette and looked gift grabby, but I know that’s an antiquated idea in some circles. Obviously, I’d never say that to anyone involved. What are your thoughts?
Post # 2
- Wedding: Royal Park Hotel
Totally fine. My aunt threw mine but my mom helped plan it. I’m her only child and she was THRILLED over the fact that I was getting married and wanted to do as much as she could.
Post # 3
I think it’s totally fine.
all of my bridesmaids live across teh country, so if I have a shower, it’ll have to be me doing most of the planning, with probably my grandma or mother (if she is here visiting) “throwing” it.
IMHO, to me every bride should get to have a bridal shower so… what does it matter at all who is the one throwing it? Are you going to gift her more/less depending on the host? No.
Just for logistical purposes, that’s how it has to be soemtimes.
Post # 4
I think it’s fine too.
Personally, I think it’s nicer for a relative to take the responsibility and the expense vs. imposing on the bridesmaids.
However, I’m not sure what dynamic you’re alluding to between the MOB and the bridesmaids. It’s not ok if your mom made your bridesmaids feel like they couldn’t do a good enough job for you. I have seen this dynamic play out where the bridesmaids set one plan and then the MOB objected and made alternate plans because she didn’t feel the bridesmaids plan was good enough. That’s not ok, but as long as this was an upfront decision, that’s fine.
Post # 5
brinny04: I agree with it’s doesn’t really matter who hosts it for the bride. 3 of the 4 BMs were local, and the 4th said from the beginning she’d fly in and book flights as soon as sa date was settled. My bigger issue was that it’s typically hosted by the BMs, and we weren’t even asked if we could attend on the date they picked. The BMs all expressed an interest in helping, and that was just ignored.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
In my experience shower’s are usually hosted by a female family member of the bride (usually aunts or cousins). That’s just in my circle though. I’m not an etiquette snob by any means and wouldn’t care if the bride herself threw her shower, but hey, that’s just me 🙂
Post # 7
I think its actually nice when the MOB/Aunt/Grandmother pays for the shower – usually they can be quite expensive depending on the group and area. The most recent bridal party that I was in was finally “saved” by the MOB/cousin because of the 9 girls a few of us were able to contribute but many were not (or could only put in $20-50 or so). The shower was almost 60 women invites (about 45 came) but at local prices (about $30-50 per person) that would have been thousands of dollars and I know that I couldn’t afford to put that much in! Since the shower was in March we couldn’t do it outside (NYC area) and no one had a house big enough so we had to use a restaurant
I think that in other areas sometimes it can be broken up into smaller groups (ie just friends at a MOH/BM house, just Bride’s relatives at aunts house and then Groom’s family at a cousin’s house) that are more managable and easier to host.
Post # 8
JiminyCricket: Yea, in your scenario, I think it was a bit rude to atleast not even ask you all since you guys expressed interest in helping, but in general, I don’t find anything wrong with it being hosted by whoever wants to host it.
I don’t even really see the point in holding a bridal shower, but I know I want to have that experience so I probably will… but it will be very small considering I don’t have many local friends.
Post # 9
Both my mom and my FMIL are throwing me showers, we set the dates together. But in the situation you described, I do think it would have been polite for the MOB to at least consult the BMs regarding the date of the shower.
Post # 10
My MOH came and asked me if I was having a shower. I didn’t ask for one but said if my bridal party were interested in hosting one to talk to my mom to make sure she wasn’t planning a shower herself. In my circle, MOB’s are usually the one to host along side the bridal party. My MOH and mother planned my shower together and everyone was consulted to make sure the dates worked. My fiance and I have lived together for 7 years so we chose not to register because we don’t want to look as if we want anything. I honestly just wanted to have a nice afternoon with family/friends and thats what my shower was. Yes people brought gifts and we are thankful for everything. We also aren’t expecting anything for our wedding but we know we’ll be getting cash/gifts for the wedding even though we’ve expressed how much we just wanna celebrate and have a good time with everyone.
I agree with PP’s, BM’s should have had a say and shouldn’t have been ignored even if the MOB wanted to plan something herself. MOB could have politely declined the help and said that everything was under control and asked if a few times/dates worked out for most of the BM’s.
Post # 11
JiminyCricket: Normal around here. My mom and sister ( MOH) threw mine ( with help from the bridesmaids ). My mom paid for all of it tho- same with my sisters shower ( I helped plan, didn’t pay)
Showers around here are pretty espensive- I would never expect my friends to kick in for that.
Post # 12
It’s normal around here in the midwest. My mother is planning my shower in conjection with MOB and my bridesmaids.
Post # 13
It’s still very much against traditional etiquette, tolerated by some liberal sources. Other than a child’s birthday party, a family member is not supposed to throw a dedicated gift giving party for family.
ETA: Traditional etiquette also makes clear that these parties are supposed to be low key and inexpensive. Throwing the shower is optional and voluntary. They are not meant to be a big production or a burden on your friends.
Post # 14
I’m so confused by the results of this poll haha in my circles a MOB would not host the shower. Sure, she might have it in her home, or help pay for it but someone else actually has their name on the invite and takes care of the details.
I’d be off put if I received and incite to a shower hosted by the MOB but probably just because it’s not something I’ve seen done before…
Post # 15
I don’t think I’ve ever been to a shower that wasn’t hosted by the MOB, but it depends on where you’re from.