How do you feel about MOB throwing the shower?

posted 2 years ago in Parties
  • poll: How do you feel about MOB throwing the shower when the BMs were willing and able to help?
    Totally fine : (61 votes)
    81 %
    A bit iffy : (7 votes)
    9 %
    Not okay : (7 votes)
    9 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    381 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: Royal Park Hotel

    Totally fine.   My aunt threw mine but my mom helped plan it.  I’m her only child and she was THRILLED over the fact that I was getting married and wanted to do as much as she could. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    979 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I think it’s totally fine.

    all of my bridesmaids live across teh country, so if I have a shower, it’ll have to be me doing most of the planning, with probably my grandma  or mother (if she is here visiting) “throwing” it.

    IMHO, to me every bride should get to have a bridal shower so… what does it matter at all who is the one throwing it? Are you going to gift her more/less depending on the host? No.

    Just for logistical purposes, that’s how it has to be soemtimes.

    Post # 4
    Member
    716 posts
    Busy bee

    I think it’s fine too.

    Personally, I think it’s nicer for a relative to take the responsibility and the expense vs. imposing on the bridesmaids.

    However, I’m not sure what dynamic you’re alluding to between the MOB and the bridesmaids.  It’s not ok if your mom made your bridesmaids feel like they couldn’t do a good enough job for you.  I have seen this dynamic play out where the bridesmaids set one plan and then the MOB objected and made alternate plans because she didn’t feel the bridesmaids plan was good enough.  That’s not ok, but as long as this was an upfront decision, that’s fine.

    Post # 6
    Member
    6880 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

    In my experience shower’s are usually hosted by a female family member of the bride (usually aunts or cousins). That’s just in my circle though. I’m not an etiquette snob by any means and wouldn’t care if the bride herself threw her shower, but hey, that’s just me 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    1894 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I think its actually nice when the MOB/Aunt/Grandmother pays for the shower – usually they can be quite expensive depending on the group and area. The most recent bridal party that I was in was finally “saved” by the MOB/cousin because of the 9 girls a few of us were able to contribute but many were not (or could only put in $20-50 or so). The shower was almost 60 women invites (about 45 came) but at local prices (about $30-50 per person) that would have been thousands of dollars and I know that I couldn’t afford to put that much in! Since the shower was in March we couldn’t do it outside (NYC area) and no one had a house big enough so we had to use a restaurant

     

    I think that in other areas sometimes it can be broken up into smaller groups (ie just friends at a MOH/BM house, just Bride’s relatives at aunts house and then Groom’s family at a cousin’s house) that are more managable and easier to host.

    Post # 8
    Member
    979 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

    JiminyCricket:  Yea, in your scenario, I think it was a bit rude to atleast not even ask you all since you guys expressed interest in helping, but in general, I don’t find anything wrong with it being hosted by whoever wants to host it.

    I don’t even really see the point in holding a bridal shower, but I know I want to have that experience so I probably will… but it will be very small considering I don’t have many local friends.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2007 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Both my mom and my FMIL are throwing me showers, we set the dates together. But in the situation you described, I do think it would have been polite for the MOB to at least consult the BMs regarding the date of the shower.

    Post # 10
    Member
    720 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    My MOH came and asked me if I was having a shower. I didn’t ask for one but said if my bridal party were interested in hosting one to talk to my mom to make sure she wasn’t planning a shower herself. In my circle, MOB’s are usually the one to host along side the bridal party. My MOH and mother planned my shower together and everyone was consulted to make sure the dates worked. My fiance and I have lived together for 7 years so we chose not to register because we don’t want to look as if we want anything. I honestly just wanted to have a nice afternoon with family/friends and thats what my shower was. Yes people brought gifts and we are thankful for everything. We also aren’t expecting anything for our wedding but we know we’ll be getting cash/gifts for the wedding even though we’ve expressed how much we just wanna celebrate and have a good time with everyone. 

    I agree with PP’s, BM’s should have had a say and shouldn’t have been ignored even if the MOB wanted to plan something herself. MOB could have politely declined the help and said that everything was under control and asked if a few times/dates worked out for most of the BM’s. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    2519 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    JiminyCricket:  Normal around here. My mom and sister ( MOH) threw mine ( with help from the bridesmaids ). My mom paid for all of it tho- same with my sisters shower ( I helped plan, didn’t pay)

    Showers around here are pretty espensive- I would never expect my friends to kick in for that.

    Post # 12
    Hostess
    8680 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    It’s normal around here in the midwest. My mother is planning my shower in conjection with MOB and my bridesmaids.

    Post # 13
    Member
    6890 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    It’s still very much against traditional etiquette, tolerated by some liberal sources.  Other than a child’s birthday party, a family member is not supposed to throw a dedicated gift giving  party for family.  

    ETA: Traditional etiquette also makes clear that these parties are supposed to be low key  and inexpensive.  Throwing the shower is optional and voluntary. They are  not meant to be a big production or a  burden on your friends. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    1209 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m so confused by the results of this poll haha in my circles a MOB would not host the shower. Sure, she might have it in her home, or help pay for it but someone else actually has their name on the invite and takes care of the details.

    I’d be off put if I received and incite to a shower hosted by the MOB but probably just because it’s not something I’ve seen done before…

    Post # 15
    Member
    1154 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    I don’t think I’ve ever been to a shower that wasn’t hosted by the MOB, but it depends on where you’re from.  

    Leave a comment


    Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

    Find Amazing Vendors