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My BF has been an incredible support system to me: because he owns our house, I'm now able to quit my godawful job and find a job relating to my passion.
He has basically said that I should take my time finding something I love to do, rather than any job available, because we're not stretched for cash.
I wake up every day counting the days until my last day of work (9 days), and am so thankful that he's so supportive of me.
This leads me to my question - is anyone else unemployed "by choice", with their SO supporting them financially? Did you have any reservations?
I, for one, was uncomfortable with the idea at first because I didn't want to feel like a 'kept woman' who was forced to do laundry and cook in exchange for shelter. But as the days go on, I can't wait to work from home, cook meals for him and look after him, since he's being so amazing and granting my wish to quit my job and look for another.
I am not yet, but I will be. I am trying to wait until the wedding is over because I feel bad that a huge chunck of his money is going to the wedding. I like to feel like I am contributing in some way. Not that I can say if I will make it that long! My job is sooooo boring that I cant stand even going into it. I am going to school starting in August for my new career so hopefully that will take off before I get so fed up that I just quit. lol. I say more power to you. If you guys can do then I defenetly would. In the long run, it will be best for both of you to have a career that you love rather than one you have to do.
I'm basically doing exactly opposite. Mr.TKE is unemployed and I work 2 jobs to support us. I complain about working too much a lot. But really, I wouldn't have it any other way :) I'd be bored outta my mind if I didn't work all the time (like I am now ha)
I quit my horrible job to be unemployed till I found something I loved. It actually didn't take long for me to find a new job. The job I found, I have summers off and I still have reservations about not contributing, but my fi likes that I have vacation time and get to relax because I tend to get stressed for working too long/much.
I do the laundry and cleaning, but he usually cooks. I usually keep a good schedule and go to the gym for a morning and evening class, go out with friends or run errands, go to the beach/read a book, pick up around house, etc. Sometimes I do sleep in longer than I should or not do much but sit around the house with my two furbabies. I really enjoy my work/periods of unemployment and don't regret quitting my horrible job. I have been healthier since I quit and no longer dread going to work...so it was totally worth it to me :D I used to be stressed out and depressed...
I dont know. that's a tough one. If I had the luxury of quitting my job, I probably would; but I would need to feel productive and contribute to society in some way after I took a 4 month vacation and I dont think keeping house and tending to my man 100 percent of the time would give me that longterm fulfilling feeling.
Be careful too, some men get spoiled by that kind of stuff. They appreciate it in the beginnng and before you know it you'll get in some wicked messed up fight because you decided to use some powedered mash potato mix instead of squishing the real ones. You need to find a real constructive way to spoil him, show him you love him while keeping him grounded to reality.
Dont lose sight of yourself along the way either. Find time for yourself and to do what also satisfies you and makes you happy.
Enjoy not having to punch out your time card anymore. :)
I don't work either. I had just finished up an extra semester (was taking classes to see if anything else interested me) when I met S. We dated for a month or two and then he was called back out to work in Louisiana (he pipelines) We were apart for about 2 weeks before I went to see him and he didn't want me to leave. He pretty much said that as long as he has a job there's no point to me working. That was 3 years ago. There's really no way I could get a job since we're on the road about 10 months out of the year and never in the same place for longer than 2 months. I would feel horrible taking a job and being trained just to leave after a month or two and not even be able to give a 2 week notice. I'm really hoping that one of these days I'll be able to work in the office or something...their office guy makes around 3,000 a week so we would be banking! His boss did mention that the office guy might have to find another job since we'll be off from October till the end of Feb so I'm hoping they'll need somebody. That way we'd work the same hours and I wouldn't be so effing bored. One can only do so much cleaning in a 5th wheel lol! Anyways, I didn't have any reservations because in the beginning I knew if it didn't work out I had my degree to fall back on and could always work something out.
I'm a writer, so ideally, I'd be "unemployed by choice" and working from home as a not-quite-starving artist. We'll see how that pans out, haha. Right now I'm still stuck with volunteering my services for free. Interning for writing places, volunteering, etc. It's a good way to build up my experience and resume as I get started out. Without a full-time job, it's very easy to take on that kind of work. You can fill unemployment with unofficial work, even while you're being a domestic goddess. :)
DH is the one who would like to be a man of leisure and I'm the one who needs to be working outside the home. After a stint of unemployment while we lived overseas I know I'm not very good at it. I'd rather be in a job I hate (which I am) and look for another one (which I also am). DH is much better at managing his time at home and he doesn't need the same level of social interaction or intellectual challenge that I do. He doesn't like his job and has enough savings to contribute to the household income so I have encouraged him to just quit and have a break/work on the garden for a while, but so far he's stubbornly stayed at work. Which is a shame, I'd love to have a house husband :)
I am a kept woman right now, and I can't say I hate it! I have been job hunting for the past five weeks since we got married and I moved up here for him. I just got a job offer but probably won't start for another few weeks at least. It was always known to be a temporary situation but DH has been so awesome about supporting me financially and emotionally. I feel like because I don't have the stress of a job, and his job is very low pressure in the summer, we have a lot of quality time and we can do things we want to do, like cook dinner leisurely, go to movies, etc. Of course, money has been tight and I am already excited about the possibilities that a two-income household will bring. But if he were to have a much larger salary? It sure would be tempting. I do think after a while, I'd get bored and need something to do to get me out of the house, but you can do that without having a full-time job. Still, its important for me to pursue my career and establish some independence since I am fresh out of college. People often say you need to be able to support yourself in case of divorce or death, but its more than that to me -- I just want to have my own professional life like my husband, like my friends. But I certainly understand why some might forgo it!
well fiance is recovering from knee surgery and finishing college.......he hasnt worked since the surgery and I don't want him to rush back and hurt it again.... Plus I would rather have him focus on school....so he might go back part time.....
This wont be the job/career he will always have.......
So anyways, he moved into my place, but we didnt tell the apartment place, so I still pay the same amount in rent.....I mostly just pay for his food and occassionally something else(like half of the unexpected towing fee the other day!) and when we go out..
so i kinda support my fiance, but i don't feel bad about it:)
I would love to stay home - or at least work part time instead of full time. But I don't know if it would be practical. I definitely plan on staying home once we (hopefully) have children but every day, when I drag my butt out of bed, I wish I could stay home, spend time with the puppy, get the house in order, cook some fun stuff, go to the gym, etc...
I just keep playing that lotto! 
FI and I have discussed this before. Not that it's in the cards for the near future but FI really wants to have a job that pays him enough so that I dont have to work. I think this is more for when we have kids, but I wouldn't mind it regardless. I would just need to find a class or a hobby because I get bored REALLY easily!
I stay at home now and I do have a problem with it. My husband is English and I am American.. I'm basically here in England just visiting for a few months. I graduated right before I came here and I'm not allowed to work here so my days are spent doing house work, surfing the net, and planning an Etsy business. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with being the 'domesticated goddess' as I like to joke but I've noticed that because my husband works 60+ hours a week and he knows I am here - he has gotten messy. He doesn't take his dishes downstairs or his clothes don't reach the laundry hamper... but he works and supports me now so I guess its a compromise. He does cook which is nice.. I guess what I'm saying is that day to day I get sick of being the cleaner and having to ask for money or just not having my own source of income but at the end of the day he supports me so I support him. I just have to remember that .. and it is nice being able to sleep in!
I wish I could be at home and not have to work. But we can't afford to keep our houseon just the hubs income. So, I'm stuck at a job I don't like until a better one comes along. Hoping that soon I will find a job I enjoy so that I can go back to get my masters and then branch out on my own. Hubs is hoping that will happen too, so he can stay home and be a house husband! Although his line of work he could do side jobs and still make decent money to help with financials and such
I totally relate to this! I H-A-T-E my current job. I work in a super high stress environment in a 6x6 cubicle, and I also spend my non-work time depressed about that I have to to back there the next day. How awful. I dream about putting in my notice.
My FI is totally behind this. Except for the fact that he's starting med school in a month, and has 4 years of school ahead of him. Hopefully after he graduates and starts working, and I will be able to stay home. I still plan on being active (I do graphic design on the side---hoping to get some freelance work going), because I think I may go crazy without accomplishing something and having some professional adult interaction. But overall, I don't feel guilty about wanting to stay home. I hope to be able to give our family a great home.
Choosing not to work would really, truly bother me! I'd go bananas. I have a degree, I'm going to use it, and to not would be a total waste. The idea of being a "kept" woman and cleaning house, cooking all day, taking care of my husband does not appeal to me in the least. He is a big boy =]. As long as I'm working towards something, even if I go back to school for a few years (i will probably change careers at some point--i like change and there are other things i'd like to try out), or contributing to the finances (or our kids' college funds!), it doesn't bother me. But i can't just be a housewife; I'm far too ambitious and independent for it! It would drive me bonkers. I'd make brownies all day and nom them down, too, because I love to bake! I'm not even kidding.
I can't even fathom the idea of not working. I was without a job for about a month last year and thought I was going to go insane. I worked really hard in school for four years to be able to get a good job, and for 13 years before that to be able to go to a good school. I would feel completely trapped, and like I wasted a lot of time and money, if I was staying home all day.
I don't work. I had a crazy stressful job, and my husband (fi at the time) told me to quit b/c it's not worth my health and we're fine with just his income. At first I felt guilty b/c i wasn't bringing in any money and i wasn't using my degree. i felt kind of worthless. but my hubby was amazing and let me know that he wanted to marry me for me, not my job. now i'm soooo happy to be at home. it's really great for me b/c i get migraines, so it's pretty normal for me to just have to lay on the couch all day in pain, which is so much better than sitting in a loud, bright office. i like being able to cook and clean b/c my hubby works all day so he gets to come home to a nice dinner. yes, it's old fashioned, but i find nothing wrong with that. also, he's been going through a lot of surgeries, and i was able to be with him and take care of him through all of it b/c i didn't have to worry about work.
The opposite for me...my fiance is actually going to quit work after the honeymoon to open a business/find his passion. I make enough to support both of us, but he knows its gonna stress me out.
I kept getting rehired after my year contract went out, which I thought they didn't have the $$ for, it's at a job I dislike but I couldn't say 'no' because hey it's $$ and it's more annoying than actually bad.
But I cannot tell you how happy and in good spirits I've been this week to know, the $$'s gone and I won't be rehired. Part is like crap, but I donno, it's just SUCH a relief to be through here. I've got a good year of salary saved so I don't see it as living off my hub and I've got a couple interviews lined up. But we're going on vacation and then I'm going to go through closets that we store all our junk and I'm going to go on long runs and make massive meals and oh my goodness, I'm like exuding happiness. I wouldn't be if I wasn't sure what my next step was going to be but seeing that it's only a temporary out of work, I'm super happy.
I would LOVE to not have to work but thats just not possible for us!
I would love to not have to work, but it's impossible. I make a lot more money than the boy does, so it would be a major hit on our finances if I didn't work. He wouldn't be able to support the two of us on his own.
But even if it somehow became possible and I quit my job, I'd still have plenty to do. I could focus on my fashion blog and maybe turn it into a full-time job, which would be AMAZING.
I wouldn't want to just do housework, though. I'd be miserable doing that. I'd need to be doing SOMETHING to feel fulfilled. It would be one thing if we had kids, but since we don't, I wouldn't feel right just sitting at home.
Sidenote: I know a married woman who doesn't work and has no kids. She spends her days at the gym and the pool, and every day on Facebook, she bitches that she needs a vacation. It takes all my strength to type "Your LIFE is a vacation!" Ugh.
i couldn't do it--though when we have kids i will likely work part time, as long as we can swing it.
i didn't work my butt off for a master's degree to sit at home and cook and clean for my fiance. i LIKE to work and i typically like what i do. i'm fortunate to have a job where i know im making a difference--i think that helps my satisfaction level a lot. sure it's stressful, but lots of people benefit from what i do. i just couldnt imagine the next 40+ years of my life being spent not "working"--especially when we don't have kids.
plus, i hate to clean. HATE HATE HATE to do any deep cleaning. but since we both work, we can afford a maid to do it for us! =p
We couldn't do this right now because I have way too many student loans not to work (thank you, law degree). I feel like even if my FI got a job making double what he makes right now (which would be our current combined income bc we make about the same), I would have a hard time quitting bc it just doesn't make financial sense. How could we ever be THAT well off that I wouldn't want to work? Like okay maybe we could pay all of our bills easily on just one paycheck... so why wouldn't I work to pay off our student loans? Or pay off our house? Or just bank a ton of money for a rainy day. I would feel badly about not making money when I'm capable of making money because there is never ENOUGH money. I feel like for me to even consider totally not working we'd have to have two new cars, no student loans, completely paid off house, and a LOT of money in the bank.
But assuming for the sake of argument that somehow all of that were true (lottery? lol) I don't think I could just sit around and do nothing. I'd love to quit my current job and not be a lawyer anymore, but I'd still do something. Probably work more on my photography business or do charity work or something.
I was laid off on July 2nd. I was so shocked I just sat in my bosses office. She was crying when she told me. My only response was < "Hell, I am getting married in 83 days!" Opps. When I came home from work that day and I told my Fiance' his only response was, "Well, we were going to be a one income family as soon as we had kids, so I guess we will just start trying for kids sooner than we thought." He has encouraged me to go back to school and finish my degree.
All of that said, I am looking for a job, but I have turned down a few. After the interview the job or people didn't seem to be what I would like. I have enrolled in school and will be starting again in August. My Fi. has been wonderful thru the entire process and I love that he supports me and the decision that was made for us. He has not had one harsh word to say. He has offered to pick up my auto payment so I don't have to use my savings to pay the few bills I have. I am fortunate that he does so well financially that we don't have to worry.
My contract in my current job is almost up and I've accepted a new position (same organization), however, I have reservations about it. The Guy suggested that I not take it, which would leave me unemployed with him supporting me. As tempting as that was, I just couldn't do it without trying the new job and seeing how it goes - I just don't know if I would be comfortable being so reliant on The Guy (and how would I support my pretty shoe habit?!).
Having said that, we've decided that if the new job really isn't any good, I will quit right before the wedding and be a SAHW for a little while while I search for a new position.
@Minutiae: Yes, Minutiae - I want to start freelance writing as well!
Basically, the plan that my bf and I discussed is, I'd take a month or so off and work on submitting my writing. Then I'd hopefully find a full-time job related to writing in some way. It actually took a while for me to believe that he wouldn't resent me for taking some time off. But every day he talks about how he thinks I'm an amazing writer and that he's so excited for me. So I now feel like he's behind me 100%. I guess i thought he was too good to be true.
Thankfully, he absolutely loves his job and works his butt off, which enables us to be able to live on his income alone. But this situation is temporary - I'll be looking for a full time job within a month or two of leaving my current job.
I graduated from college in May and had a job lined up for me. After being there for a few months I wanted to quit. It made me insane. I am not joking. Before I would go to work I'd call FI up at work crying hysterically. I couldn't even get words out. On my way to work I would sit on the bus with chest pains. My arms and legs felt like jello. I have never had anxiety problems so all of this was freaking me out. I felt like a freak! lol. I lost weight from it. I would go on my lunch break and bawl. I would come home and bawl. My dad passed away unexpectedly in September. All of the similar feelings were coming back. My FI said "of all the 5 years we have been together I have never seen you like this". I have always had a job. Even during college. So this was a hard decision for me. I quit. I told my boss how this job was making me crazy and he was so nice about it and very understanding. So I have been unemployed and uninsured for the last two weeks and it is driving me crazy. I am not meant to stay at home! lol...although i'm happier now than before, my days are spent applying for jobs. Like some of the other bees said, I would hate to not use my (very expensive) college education. FI makes enough money to support himself (we're not living together yet) and now I am relying on the money I made from my job. So I can understand!
@Gabrielle123: Exactly! My current job makes me so anxious! When I started 3 years ago I lost like, 10 lbs in a couple months (which was actually not that bad, lol), but I couldn't eat because of the anxiety. My boss would yell at me, and I'd DREAD going to work every day. Things haven't changed (except for getting my appetite back).
Even now, my favourite time of the day is when I'm gathering up my stuff to leave at the end of the workday, because it's the farthest time from when I'll have to be back in the office again the following day. How bizzarre is that? I spend my time at home worrying about going to work.
I'm absolutely euphoric that I can walk outta here in 8 days and never, EVER come back.
I don't see myself ever willingly being unemployed. I have a ton of student loans to pay off and a standard of living I'd like to keep. We could probably make it by on my husband's salary alone, but I don't want to just "make it by". Plus, I'd probably get bored. Nothing makes you appreciate the weekends more than having to work during the week.
God for you for getting out of there. It is better to be happy and unemployed than miserable and employed. It is really about your personal health. There are jobs out there. Some are just absolutely horrible and others are not as bad. You (and I) just got thrown into the awful ones! I actually looked my boss in the eye and said "I would rather be unemployed than work here". I wasn't mean about it. I just told him my situation. And he totally understood. Some people are able to do my job and not be bothered about it. Not me. It's not for everyone.
I totally understand. I would even hate Fridays cause it was closer to Monday. These last 8 days will drag but once that freedom comes you will feel normal again. Good for you and good luck!
My husband is doing this exact thing (although he has a lot of savings, so he's still contributing to our expenses...it would be difficult to live off of just my salary). To be honest, it makes me SO NERVOUS, but it's really important to him to find a job that he likes more, and so I'm trying hard not to pressure him into taking just anything.
I am SO glad you posted this. I just gave my one month's notice. I am quitting to go back to school. I'm also scared about being a 'kept woman' for a while, but I don't know when I'm going to have this opportunity again so I'm going to go for it. There's no real financial need for me to work, I just enjoy contributing. I figure if I can contribute from a career that I love I might as well go for it. I've had a job since the day I turned 16, so I think I might have a hard time adjusting to not not working, but hopefully school will stave off the bordem.
People have actually been snarky when they've found out that I'm not leaving to take another job. Someone actually said to me: "The economy is that good? Huh.". Sour grapes. I'm looking forward to spending quality time with my FI, completing projects around the house and making home cooked meals more than once a week.
This is an interesting thread! My FI and I live together now in the townhouse that I own. We make about the same in income so combined income is pretty great. Only problem is that my income goes to pay the bills and his mostly goes to pay off debt he accummulated from college/years after college. Luckily, my only debt is my house and car. So, we're not really able to save too much right now. Ideally, we want to buy a new (bigger) house next year and start having children within 2 years. The problem with having kids is that our parents (all retired) live 2 hours away. So, we would be stuck with huge daycare fees. I feel like what's the point in me being gone for 10 hours a day away from my children just to pay daycare? I would probably not work for a few years while my kids are young but then i would be straight back to work.
I have a master's degree that I busted my butt for as well. To not use that and make great income would be a shame. Plus, I am not ok with just "getting by". I like newer cars, shopping, vacationing, etc! So I guess I would only be a stay at home mommy for a few years LOL. I wouldn't be against working part time either! And i get bored very quickly too.
Good for you for leaving your job to do something you are passionate about!! You are also very lucky to have that support for you! :)
For me, I can't imagine leaving my job. I love the work, the flexibility, the people, and the ample opportunity for advancement. Plus the pay is pretty good too! When FI and I have a baby, our current decision is that I would take a year off for maternity leave (because my employer will pay me close to 100% of my salary for a year). But I think I will miss being at my job!
There seem to be two distinct opinions commenting on this post: people who are horribly upset and anxious at their current jobs and are quitting/want to quit, and people who love their jobs and are really fulfilled.
This may be a dumb question, but for those of you that are the latter (because I'm the former), what's the secret? What are your careers? How did you get into a position that you like going to work every day?
You know what? Today was a terrible day at work and I basically got into a screaming match with my boss.
I wish I had told him, "You know what??? I'm not giving you the 5 weeks notice you've bullied me into giving. I'm giving you 3 weeks like I originally said, and I'm walking out that door on Friday and never coming back."
@tritaratops: I don't know. I think finding something you're good at, you love to do, and a company that lets you grow is the key. I've only had 3 "grown up" jobs my entire life.
For 5 years through my last year of high school and community college I worked up from a crew person to almost assistant manager at McDonalds. The franchise owners were amazing people as was my boss and most everyone I worked with. When my mom told my manager that I couldn't be a shift manager due to school, he asked the franchise to create a $500/semester scholarship for shift managers.
I then spent 5 years working in my career field, juvenile justice. It was a great experience but to the end I was desperate to leave the company. If I'd have been able to get a job at the sheriff's office or another juvenile facility I would have gone there. Instead I moved to the Netherlands.
It took a year and a half after moving to find a job. There were a lot of factors involved and not working, being stuck at home all the time, not having money to do things or contribute to the household was a really miserable experience for me. I finally found a job at an office that runs some internet sites. It's in a very interesting industry and I do marketing now...I just celebrated my 3 years with the company in July. I went from really garbage work to "if I quit, they're screwed." I also manage 14 people and while the company isn't perfect and I get a lot of flack for the industry from my family, the job itself is tons of fun overall and I found out I'm good at marketing. Who'd have thought?!
So yea. What's the secret? Being lucky to love what you do and having a good company backing you I suppose.
Wow this is insane. I cannot imagine having a boss that treats you so sh*tty. I'd probably up and quit after verbal abuse, too. I don't take kindly to that crap. Sh*t would have to hit the fan here for one of our bosses to take it out on their employees! You definitely need to find a place to work that is more respectful. I don't get how bosses just flip out on their employees...absolutely inappropriate office behavior in my opinion. Unless you messed up a 5 million dollar contract =]
@tritaratops, I can't personally say i love what I do intensely. My previous position was not fun. Boring. All day long, blah blah blah, never left my desk. Not challenging, not interesting. My new position sounds awesome and I'm quite excited; i just hope it's cracked up to what i hope it is. Everything about the job is great--flexibility, benefits, problem-solving, etc. If it keeps me BUSY and makes the days go by fast, that's really all I want in a job. I want to learn and be busy. Sounds simple, eh? =] It pays so well it counterbalances the days where i'm like, "Eh, today wasn't awesome" so that it is still "very worth it". I don't have to love it I guess, I have to "not mind it". And i think, once i hit the approach of "you know, if i want a new career at 35, I'll have one", i really just chilled out. Being open to change in the future has truly given me a new perspective of not feeling trapped. I figure I'll keep doing this until I'm completely sick of it, save up to go back to school, and make a switch. But for now, this isn't too shabby=]. There's a fulfilling aspect of supporting our military, too, even if my position is truly replacable. Every position here is!
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