Post # 1
So… Over this whole wedding planning process my fiance has not really been excited about this… I know its more of a “girly” thing and I am ok with that. But he seemed pretty excited to write our own vows. He has a poets way with words. I swear he could write books. I on the other hand suck at that type of stuff… I think he would write AMAZING vows, and I would probably bawl my eyes out. (another reason why I don’t want to do it) I really think that he would write this amazing speech and and mine would just suck next to his. Like coal next to diamonds. I love him with all my heart and he knows that but I have a really hard time trying to convey that into words. I feel like this is something that he was excited about, something he really wants, and I don’t want to take it away from him… but I just don’t know what to say. (plus the whole crying thing… I’m quite the crier anyway…) Does anyone have suggestions?
Post # 3
We actually wrote our own vows and it was my favorite party of the ceremony. If you aren’t comfortable using your own words, maybe you can find song lyrics or a poem that conveys what you feel.
Post # 4
My FI feels the same way you do. Our compromise is that we are writing personalized vows to each other…but our officiant is going to read them. That way, I don’t have to worry about holding it together as much and he doesn’t have to worry about speaking eloquently in front of a large crowd of people.
This is the advice I gave him: just start writing them early! You still have quite a few months so now is a great time. Get ideas on pinterest…youtube videos of wedding vows…read them to your family/friends and get some advice. Tweak them along the way. There has to be a good writter somewhere in your circle who’d be willing to help out 🙂
Post # 5
Can you have him pen the entire ceremony? That way he could use his creative skills and you wouldn’t have to worry about lackluster vows on your end. 🙂
Post # 6
I would write personal vows – together. DH and I did that because we wanted something from us (not the traditional “in sickness and in heath”) but I wasn’t comfortable writing our own and surprising each other. I thought they would be lopsided (I’m not good with words either) and I liked saying the same vows to each other. We read a lot of vows online and mashed our favorites together. We wrote letters to each other with the really sappy stuff that I didn’t want to share with everyone. We also had the officiant whisper the vows line by line to us, so if one of us did get really emotional, we could choke our way through each line rather than have an intimidating whole paragraph in front of us.
These were our vows:
Crabbabs, I promise to be your faithful and loving husband,
To cherish your intellect and uniqueness,
To treat you with kindness, respect, and appreciation
To delight in your happiness and comfort you in sorrow,
To communicate openly and honestly and to listen carefully,
To support and encourage you,
And to be your eager partner in exploring all the things we have yet to learn and the places we have yet to go.
My love is yours now, and for all the days before us.
Post # 7
My husband wanted us to write our own vows, and I had similar hesitations to yours. So, we wrote them together. We each recited two paragraphs. We each read a different first paragraph describing what we love about the other person. Then we wrote a more vow-like paragraph together, and we both used the same vows as our second paragraph. I would have felt very uncomfortable writing them myself, but by working on it together I felt like it was much more balanced.
Post # 8
I’m the same way. I wouldn’t know what to write and I absolutely would not be comfortable saying those personal private things in front of all my guests. No personalized vows for us, but we both agree on that.
Post # 9
@Pinkmoon: yes, this, exactlya,
Post # 10
If this is something that’s important to him, I think you need to honor it. You’ve got time to research formats for vows, ideas for how other people wrote theirs, etc etc etc. My husband and I did personalized vows AND said the traditional “love, honor, cherish” — we wanted to say our own words, but we also wanted the experience of tradition. Maybe this could be a compromise for you? We also didn’t even try to memorize them. The paper that we wrote them out on is now one of the souvenirs of the wedding.
Finally — DON’T worry about your vows not being good. They will be heartfelt, and that’s what matters. 🙂
Post # 11
We’re writing our own vows since this is the wedding for the family and we’re already married. We;re trying to have some fun with them and the whole ceremony. Im writing our entire ceremony so we can have a friend do it. We;re married in the eyes of the lord and the state so we want someone close to do the “ceremony” Im still working on my vows but here’s the first draft of them
You are an amazing man and my knight in shining ram. You are my inspiration and fire in my life.Before these witnesses I vow to love you and care for you as long as we both shall live. I promise to stay quiet in the tree stand and not whine about all the hunting trips. I promise to love you more than your truck. I take you, to be my husband to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.
Post # 12
I really don’t want to do this and I hope my SO doesn’t, either. We will be getting married in the Catholic Church, so it makes sense to use the traditional vows. I also am uncomfortable getting too personal in front of people.
Post # 13
We had traditional vows but we both spoke, at length, directly to each other immediately prior to the pastor leading us through our vows.
I loved doing this, since it gave both of us the opportunity to share our hearts with each other (and all of our family and friends who were present) while not requiring either of us to write formal vows.
My DH spoke extemporaneously; however, I wrote mine several days before the wedding and read them, because I knew I would be so stressed over all of the wedding preparations and details that I would find it almost impossible to remember to say everything that I wanted to say to him.
Post # 14
The clumsiest, most awkward words from my fiance will always beat the most eloquent words written by someone else. I bet he’d be happier hearing your love expressed in your own words than someone else’s, even his.
Post # 15
My FI and I are writing our own vows–and we’re writing them separately so we can be suprised on our wedding day. In the end it doesn’t really matter who is a better writer than the other, all that matters is the meaning of your vows. If you truly love each other, that love will shine through any number of clumsy words.
Post # 16
I want personalized vows, I really, really do. My SO has already asked is I would write his (seriously?!) or has said he would Google some.. I hope he’s joking, but a part of me doesn’t think he is. He’s not into that kind of thing. But, I’m gonna still push for it when the day comes — especially if I compromise with a destination wedding!