How do you feel about the term "trophy wife"?

posted 5 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
Member
3485 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Hell yes it would bother me! The concept of a trophy wife is exactly as you described, a dumb woman who is married to a successful/powerful man who only wants her for her physical attributes.  Last I checked, I don’t want my worth as a human being to be solely based on my physical attractiveness. 

There’s a chance your MIL doesn’t fully understand the term, but I put this in the same category as my brother joking around by introducing my sister-in-law as his “Current Wife” it was all fine and well… right up until they got divorced, then suddenly it wasn’t so funny anymore. She might mean it as a complement, or an innocent phrase, but it’s not. 

Post # 5
Member
3358 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

it’s a joke that my DH and I throw about with each other, but I definitely wouldn’t find it funny if other people, especially my MIL of all people, started calling me that or even if my DH started saying that about me to other people. I’m with you on this one. That’s offensive.

Post # 6
Member
2548 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I don’t know, she could mean ity in a complimentary kind of way. As if you are a prize to be won, like he won the ultimate prize with you as his wife.

I can see where you are comming from, and next time she says that, I would just ask, “What do you mean, I don’t think anyone has ever used that term on us as a couple before..” and see what she says.

I’ve never gotten it, and I am several years younger than my husband, but I think I would find it a bit complimentary, as in I’m pretty hot! lol. I know, pretty lame, but gotta look for the good in it all, ya know.

Post # 8
Member
4525 posts
Honey bee

@strawbs:  I’d feel the same way. If FH called me his trophy wife, I’d think it was funny or sweet, depending on his tone and the context. If anyone I wasn’t really close to called me FH’s trophy wife, I’d be mad.  

Post # 9
Member
3358 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@carolsdaughter:  my mother would never call me that! Never! That’s equivalent to saying that she raised a dumb girl who looks good. I’d be shocked if my mother called me that and meant it, and I would throw it back in her face that she raised that “trophy wife”!

Post # 10
Member
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d be offended.

Post # 11
Member
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If anyone called me his trophy wife, I’d be pissed. It’s insulting to your intelligence and your relationship.

Post # 12
Member
5429 posts
Bee Keeper

Trophy wife definition:” A young, attractive woman married to an older, more powerful man. His role in the relationship is to be her sugar daddy and provide for her.”

Which is not the case with you, I would ask that the term is never to be used again.

Post # 13
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think I would drive my Hubby crazy asking him what he thought that his mom meant!  I obviously don’t know that the relationship between you and your MIL is but if you think the conversation would make things better, you should go for it.  This will become one of those things that drive you crazy and create a rift between you two.

Post # 14
Member
1042 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think you need to figure out whether she knows the connotation of the phrase before you call her out on it. I’m pretty sure a lot of people think it means having a wife you can be proud of.

As long as she is treating you like a sentient, intelligent human being; she probably doesn’t mean anything by it.

Post # 15
Member
2274 posts
Buzzing bee

My SO and I are not married yet, but if someone called me a “trophy wife”, I would be flattered because I know I’m not dumb, I’m 6 months older than SO, not in it for the money (we were both broke for the first 6 years of our relationship), and I would just take it as a compliment that the person thinks I’m attractive. I’m not saying that’s how you should feel, but that’s how I would feel.

Post # 16
Member
3485 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I would probably respond by saying something along the lines of “I think our relationship has a little more value than that”.  I’d say it in a joking tone, to ensure that she knew I wasn’t too upset, but to politely plant the seed that it’s an insult even if she doesn’t realize it.  

ETA: If it continued, (meaning she knows it’s an insult and is saying it that way) I’d step up my responses to flatly saying, “Our relationship is based on more than my looks or his success.” I’d keep my tone even and non-confrontational, but make it clear that I’m not interested in this line of conversation any longer. 

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