- 7 years ago
Hmm, if they approached me and said, “How would you like to come to a potluck at my house?” I’d be for it. I love potlucks. But if it is a nice affair that they are bothering to send out invites, I think they should suck it up and make the dang meal for their guests. I guess in the situation that you described, yes, I would be annoyed and probably wouldn’t go.
Yes, I agree with the potlucks that is fine. Everytime I have gone to their parties, my DH and I bring our beverages ( at their request) and someone else either ends up drinking it or we end up leaving half it there since we feel rude taking it back with us when we leave. The same thing with the food, sometimes it goes untouched, so I cooked all day making a dish, it goes untouched and I have to leave it there for them to eat dinner off all week! hahaha. But besides that I just still find it really tacky. We are 30+ years old, I just feel like the invite is saying “hey we are just providing a place for you all to drink and eat”
It’s pretty much understood in my circle that a party is BYOB. We also host BBQ and request folks bring a side. I will make PLENTY of food for everybody if nobody brings things, but I think it’s more of a community thing, the idea of bringing food to share. I never go to somebody’s house for dinner wihtout bringing something along to share with everybody. I guess I don’t really get how this is offensive.
OH! But once I was invited to a bbq for our friend’s birthday…the wife invited everybody for her hubby’s bday, then told us we had to pay $X to cover the meat…WHILE we were at the party. NO thanks.
Oh, I take my unused food/drink home with me from my friends’ and expect others to do the same when they come to our house. It’s kind of an unspoken rule if you leave it there more than 2 weeks, though, we’re drinking it.
I have a friend like that. She’ll invite us to dinner and then call or email prior the event and say: oh, can you bring “X”.
After a couple times of it annoying me, I just started to anticipate that it was not a ‘come over for a dinner party where I’m the host’, type event… but come over for a potluck dinner.
Changing my understanding of what ‘dinner with friends’ meant for her helped my outlook when I’d accept dinner invitations that she extended.
But, I’m 100% with you: if I throw a dinner party, I don’t want guests to do anything other than show up, enjoy the evening, say thank you, and leave happy and full.
…don’t get me started when they try to help to do dishes… lol
@missrobots: I guess I was under the impression that they weren’t providing anything (except maybe chips and salsa). I think your situation is still ok too, especially since it’s the norm with your group. OP made me think it was common to actually host the entire meal without any support in their group, and that’s where I think the situation is annoying.
Potluck and BYOB I’m totally fine with, it’s the norm in our circle for summer get togethers and whatnot, especially if it’s a LARGE party. We don’t typically do it for a get together of less than 8 or 10 people though.
I’ve also gotten into the habit of asking any host: Is there anything I can bring?
It’s a question that I wouldn’t mind getting, if I were the host… to which my response is always: no, we have everything covered or, I’m serving ‘x’ for drinks, if you’d like anything other than that, please feel free (but I usually know my guests drink preferences and will have that on hand).
I’m usually told to bring a bottle of wine (when I’ve asked that question lately)…. but, I think that’s just because I’m the known wine drinker!
I don’t like to do that to my guests. I don’t really mind doing it for a friend, but most of the time I ask if they need me to bring anything.
It’s not the norm for this group, for this group, when they come to my gatherings, they don’t ask what they can bring nor do they bring anything anyways. But without fail they are always telling quests what to bring. And one of them once asked for money when we got there. I think actually that was when we totally stopped going.
My other group, it’s 100% common that we all bring things, but it’s never on a need basis. I don’t want my parties to be a chore for someone. I know in the past when I’ve gone to my other groups parties, I spend the day running around, getting stuff to make a dish, running to the liquor store, I mys well should have just had the party myself for all the prep that was going into it.
It wouldn’t bother me – I really enjoy potluck and BYOB events. It’s a community and friendship thing for me – everyone bringing things to share with everyone else.
Besides – DH and I often bring something along with us, even when not asked – so a putluck isn’t really different than our normal behavior for a dinner party.
We are friends with a couple that are notorious for this sort of behavior. They are always inviting people over to their house for the major party holidays, (4th of July, Memorial Day, Superbowl etc), and always ask that people bring food or they ask that they contribute money towards the meat being grilled. It drives me crazy! No matter what I will never come empty handed to someone’s house. I always bring alcohol or a dessert even when not asked but to be told to bring a side or give money defeats the whole purpose of hosting a gathering.
The absolute worst incident was about a year ago on a major BBQ type holiday. Once again they asked people to bring something they wanted to eat. They grilled meat for themselves and whoever chipped in money and made their own sides, sat down and started eating and told everyone else that they are welcome to use the kitchen and BBQ to cook anything they may have brought. That was really the last straw for me.
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