Post # 1
Okay, so I need some insight on how everyone else feels about their fiancés exs still sort of being in their lives.
Here is the background: FI and his ex had been together for about 5-6 years and things were pretty rough the last few years of their relationship and in order to make things better they thought getting engaged would work, it didn’t and they mutually split. So he has always told me they left things on Fairly good, mutual terms.
When FI and I started dating his ex contacted him a lot more than I felt comfortable about and didn’t voice my objections until FI and I were really serious about our relationship and the texts slowly dwindled out to a few occasional times for “big events”. for example, when a mutual co workers brother passed away she texted FI to let him know about it. Which I still don’t see why she feels the need to reach out to him when he would have found out by other means.
they work for the same company, not in the same
area but when FI would travel to the office she works at, it would cause them to be in contact.
now for the whole point to this, FIs ex just reached out to him about her father passing away. It’s such a sensitive subject, but it bothers me that she feels the need to reach out to him about it. He wasn’t close with the father and he always told me her family situation was really screwed up. He asked me if I would be okay with him going to the services.
I really don’t feel comfortable with it, it bothers me a lot that she is still so involved in his life, I understand 6 years is a long time but how can anyone really move on it they’re constantly contacting their ex?
i have no trust issues what so ever so i would respect his decision of whether he felt obligated to go.
But is he obligated? Or is sending flowers and a condolences card enough? Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How do you ladies feel about this?
Post # 2
To be honest if you didn’t have trust issues, none of this would bother you.
One of FIs exes he stopped talking to per my request because she was blatantly causing problems in our relationship. His other exes that he is friends with though I don’t have a problem with because they are friendly, not romantic.
She’s asking for his presence at her father’s funeral, not a weekend getaway in Vegas. I don’t feel there’s anything wrong with that, since I assume he had a relationship with her father as well
Post # 3
KatEmmaMarie: my FIs ex is actually one of my best friends. They have a long, weird history. At first I didn’t like it, but she’s actually amazing. Our older kids are great friends too. We go to each others parties, camping and just chill, and she was a huge support when FIs mom passed. It may be different in our case, because she is happily married herself.
Post # 4
I think it would be nice if he went. I have an ex of about 6 years as well (we broke up 6 years ago too), and we work at the same company and have gotten in touch about random things here and there as well. I don’t think it’s a big deal. Someone that was in his/my life for so long doesn’t just mean nothing just because we broke up (especially on ok terms). It doesnt’ mean I haven’t moved on to me. I have certainly moved on and happily married to my husband now.
Post # 5
I would feel uncomfortable with a long-term ex using my SO for emotional support, especially if I’d already expressed concern to him. I find it inappropriate. It’s no longer his role to be a pillar of support for her, especially if he had no real relationship with the father.
Post # 6
KatEmmaMarie: I don’t think you’re being funny by thinking that she doesn’t need to be in his life. They are not together. I’m assuming they don’t have kids,so it should be a done deal. Her calling to say her father died. Although I would feel for her,that’s not our problem. I feel like no woman should be calling my man for consoling. I think it’s a problem. Definately bring it up and I hope it works out for you.
Post # 7
Post # 8
Pretty sure she won’t be putting the moves on him at her dad’s funeral.
Post # 9
No way should he go. Your feelings are his first priority. A card is fine. Neither my husband nor I speak to our exes out of respect for each other.
Post # 10
I wouldn’t be okay with DH’s ex-FI still being involved in his life (and yes, he was previously engaged). That would make me really uncomfortable. I think a card is more than enough.
Post # 11
I still talk to some of my exes. I don’t know if my husband does — Ultimately, I don’t care.<br /><br />I really don’t think his ex will be hitting on him at her dad’s funeral. If you trust him, then nothing will happen, right? It doesn’t matter if she has moved on or not. If you trust him, nothing will happen, and all it means is that he goes to pay respects to her father (Whether or not they had a super tight relationship doesn’t matter) and the ex gets a little support.
Post # 12
I have no contact with any of my exs and my FI doesn’t have any contact with his. We prefer it this way.
Post # 13
KatEmmaMarie: We prefer to keep the past in the past. I wouldn’t be comfortable with my partner’s exes reaching out to him for emotional support either. She needs to move on and rely on the people currently in her life. Flowers and a card is more than enough of a gesture. I wouldn’t even think to call my ex – who I dated longer than your partner was with his – for any kind of help, comfort, or support.
Post # 14
To be fair, your FI is not contacting his ex, she is contacting him. Those are two entirely different situations.
Post # 15
I doubt the OP is worried about her putting the moves on him at the funeral. LOL.
If my dad passed away, I wouldn’t be calling my long term ex to tell them about it. I see no reason for it nor would I ask them to attend the funeral. I have my FI and my family as support, no need to add my ex to the mix.