How do you feel when friends have it easier than you?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@linnylou_88:  I feel happy for my friends when good things happen, but I also remember to always come from a place of being grateful for what I have. I’m married to the man of my dreams, we’re both employed and can pay our bills, we have a roof over our heads and are in good health, and I don’t want for more than that. I am so incredibly happy and it has nothing to do with lots of money or material things, and I am happy with what I already have, even in difficult times. 

Post # 4
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

I’m currently going through something like this. My friend and I are both interviewing for the same teaching positions. She has been hired and I’m still working at it. I am genuinely happy for her however, it’s beginning to make me question my ability to actually teach. I am having to remind myself that I need to be grateful for opportunities that I am given and need to just remember that it will happen for me too in time.

Post # 5
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Both! My friends all had college funds, while I had to take out loans. I was happy that they weren’t going into debt, but I was SO JEALOUS.

Post # 6
1822 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

I don’t tend to get jealous of the monetary things, money has caused me nothing but problems (I would trade my inheritance and live under a bridge for the rest of my life if I could have my mother back). But I do get jealous of things like my friends’ great relationship with their parents, their ease of making new friends (I’m an introvert), and their effortless ability to interact with children (I’m a spaz and don’t know how to talk to kids).

Post # 7
1581 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I’m in a situation like this, and to be honest, I’m 100% happy for her, and also 100% jealous. I don’t see why the two have to be incompatible. I would never, ever be anything less than super happy and supportive of her, but that doesn’t mean that inside I can’t think “I wish I had that, too!”

Post # 8
156 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I would probably be jealous but i would also be very happy for them! : ) Not everyone has the same situations and im sure if i had the same opportunities as my friend then I would do the same so its not like shes doing it be mean or something.

Post # 9
7281 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I admit to moments of envy. And then I remind myself that I need to be thankful for what I have rather than envious of what I do not have. I won’t say that it works all the time, but most of the time counting my own blessings does help me fight off that little green envy monster.

Edit: My personal issue is people getting pregnant and having babies. We are infertile, but we are blessed with one great son already. I really want another child, but Mr. LK isn’t so sure he wants us to go to the great lengths that would be required. So I try to focus on being thankful for the child we do have and the moments we get to share with him.

Post # 10
1397 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

ALthough I am happy for my friends, I tend to compare myself to them (not the most healthy thing out there, but I do it anyway) and it gives me goals on what I want in my life.  I have the moments of envy and jealous, but it gives me a goal to work towards.

Post # 11
172 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@linnylou_88:  I’m 100% happy for my friends when good things happen to them. If someone has connections which could benefit them and make their life a bit easier, why not take advantage of those opportunities? And, if that means landing their dream job, then I say go for it! (Just as long as they’re fully competant for the job, obviously)

I understand a lot of people want to “make it on their own” without any outside help from others, but I say if it’s there, why not? And if their FI is rich and can afford a big wedding, why not? If it make them both happy and they’re not harming anyone!

I try and not judge others and their situations/lives especially if it has zero affect on mine.  I try and focus on me and my life and just being happy with what I have.

Post # 12
3009 posts
Sugar bee

@linnylou_88:  honestly, I really don’t feel jealous of my friends. My friend got married to a great guy and I was struggling in my own relationship but I never felt anything besides “I hope I can meet a guy who treats me like that.” But I knew she deserved it too. She got preg shortly after her wedding and a baby had been my dream more than anything and I still was just happy for her. Turns out I got pregnant shortly after 🙂

anyway, I feel like being jealous puts a competitive spin on the friendship. There is enough happiness for everyone. 

Post # 13
5697 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Happy for them, and envious. I don’t nkow many if any people who aren’t subject to a bit of envy, it’s a natural feeling. It goes too far when you wish ill on someone or you aren’t happy for them because if your own circumstances

Post # 14
3833 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Probably, both. If a friend has something good happen to him/her and it’s something I’m also hoping for, then I’m definitely and openly happy for them, but there might be a quiet twinge of envy. 

However, the type of person and how they handle their success matters, too. If they’re the type of person who has everything handed to them by others and then brags about it, that irritates me. 

Example – I have friends who just bought a house. I am so excited for them! And a tiny bit envious because DH and I can’t afford a house yet. I have another acquaintence whose parents bought him a house and he constantly brags about his house AND the fact that he didn’t have to pay for it – I don’t feel any excitement for him, nor envy.  If they bought him a house and he was gracious and grateful for it, then I would be more happy for him. 

Post # 15
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@linnylou_88:  I’ve come to realize that things aren’t always as rosy as they seem for other people and often they think that your life is pretty great.  I used to be envious of my ‘lucky’ friends, but now I’m thankful for what I have and my life is pretty great too.

Post # 16
2851 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

On one had I feel happy, but on the other hand I feel rage and envy LOL.

I have to keep telling myself that no one’s life is perfect and I have it a lot better than many out there.

My best friend met, got pregnant and married a man who is from a very wealthy family all in the matter of a year. She thought she had it made, got to quit her job and become a stay at home mom. I was super jealous. I thought, what the hell man?! I have been with FI for 6 years at that point and we are still trying to get on our feet. WTF? Why are some people so damn lucky. I felt like a POS.

Well, I don’t envy her anymore. Her husband is a douche, doesn’t help AT ALL with the baby. They are struggling because he is an idiot with finances; just because you have wealthy parents, does NOT make you wealthy too. He has carted her around the U.S because he can’t seem to get his shit together. They borrow (not really borrow) money from his parents to suppliment the cost of their rent that they can’t afford. She is totally dependant on him and isn’t close to his family. Her family is spread out.

Aaaand she wants another baby. I can’t imagine.

I look at my life… FI and I live with my parents so we can save. We are getting close to move out, wedding and TTC. I know my man will be a true father and not tell me “it’s your job to take care of the baby, I don’t have to help.” I have a close knit family on both mine and Fi’s side. I have a really close bond with his sister which feels amazing. We both have our ups and downs, but what relationship doesn’t?

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