Post # 1
So my Fiance is currently on his way abroad for a work trip for the week, and I feel like a big baby about the whole thing. Every time he goes away I always think it’ll be quite nice, Ill have the place to myself, can watch chick flicks, paint my nails, eat pizza etc, but really I just miss him terribly and actually hate the quiet of the house at night when Im alone…Im a big scardey cat.
The thing that freaks me out a little, is that I feel really deflated when he goes, almost as if something is missing. Don’t get me wrong, I dont mope around and cry all day, I just dont feel like myself, my friends will comment Im a little quieter than usual etc. It just got me wondering whether that is normal?
Is it normal to feel not quite yourself when the person you love goes away? Is that just what love does, or is that a sign of being too dependent on another person? Just wondering what how others feel when their partner goes away!
I also want to add now much respect I have for those who have partners in the military, I feel like I would struggle a lot with such a long separation.
Post # 3
@Loupyloo: I think it’s partially a personality thing. I wouldn’t call Fiance a codependent person, but if I’m gone a few days he gets the way you do. His parents are the same way with each other. It’s very sweet. I, on the other hand, enjoy the time alone for a bit. If it’s a few days, I wouldn’t say I miss him, but I do get excited when he comes home. Longer periods of time it’s another story. We did the long distance thing for a year, and there was a lot of outside stress going on as well. During that time, we missed each other a lot.
Post # 4
It depends on how I’m feeling in general. He doesn’t really go away much. The longest we’ve been apart since we moved in was 14 hours on our wedding day.
That said, I like my quiet days at home, when I’m feeling well. When I’m ill (as I am at the moment) I miss him like crazy and just want him home to cuddle me.
Post # 5
I’ll admit, I don’t like it when my Fiance is away. So far in our relationship he’s only been gone once, for four days on a guys’ golfing trip. I missed him so much! I did things to pamper myself and watched a ton of chick flicks. Went shopping … retail therapy, lol.
When he’s away it’s a good time to do things for yourself you may not get to normally do, hang out with friends, watch Lifetime TV, whatever floats your boat.
I think the stage of the relationship and how often they go away is a key thing as well. I would miss him, definitely, if he went out of town now, but it was much harder to contemplate when we were first together. The longer you’re together the easier it is, at least I think so.
Don’t feel bad about missing him, it’s normal to miss someone you love who’s away for a few days. I’m sure he misses you just as much as you miss him.
Try to have some fun while he’s away. As far as being a scaredy-cat at night, hard for me to relate because I’ve lived safely in my house for so long (and I have an alarm system, lol). If you start to get the creeps turn on the TV or chat with someone online, anything to get your mind off it.
Good luck! I hope the time goes by quickly and your sweetie is back in your arms soon.
Post # 6
My husband is a major homebody. I’m usually the one who will go away for a weekend girl trip or something. Sometimes I wish he would go out and do stuff so I could get some girl time. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with him and I love him to pieces but sometimes a girl needs some time to herself!! A little space is healthy for a relationship!
Post # 7
I enjoy having some time to myself, but I’m always ready to see him again when we’re together again.
Post # 8
When my Fiance is away I do miss him, but sometimes its is nice to have a little alone time =) The only time I really freak out is when its time to go to bed.. when hes gone I usually do not sleep very well because I am so scared monsters or murders are going to get me! lol
Post # 9
Oh my Fiance just came home from a business trip from Texas two weeks ago, he was gone 8 days . The first three days were fine, but after that I really missed him. I was pretty busy with my kid and everyday chores I still need to do, but I am really attached to my Fiance so It was really difficult. I am an emotional person, and when he is not around I do feel like you do. It felt like something was missing, a bit empty inside, couldn’t sleep well. The first morning he called me up and said that his bed was so empty in the hotel when he woke up cause I wasn’t sleeping beside him! I cried. Bah.. I am such a sucker for my sweetie!
Post # 10
I don’t like sleeping alone so night time is hard for me. During the day I miss him but there are so many girl things I can accomplish 🙂
I think everybody reacts differently when their partner is away. Perhaps, you could find awesome things to occupy the time to take away from thinking about this absence.
Post # 11
@Sunfire: Thanks, good advice! I did wonder if it would get easier as time goes on but we are nearly at 9 years together and so far it isnt any easier! He travels for work every now and then, but less than he used to.
@.twist.: i totally see how that would be hard. Luckily both of us do things separately a couple of times a week so I get a bit of time to myself then which I like. Its extended periods of absence which I dislike!
Post # 12
You and I sound a lot alike.
When he goes away for Business, I envision all kinds of imaginary plans upfront… Trip to the Spa, Lunch with my GFs, time at the Mall, Order Dinner in, and watch a Chick Flick.
Another words… lots of girlie stuff
In reality, I always end up doing way less… because I just don’t feel “like myself” when he isn’t around.
But I feel embarrassed by this (supposed to be stronger and all that) … so I don’t share that info with him.
When it is I who is on a road trip, he evidently does stuff “with the guys”… as I always seem to hear about it when I get back… how they went to the Pub to watch “the Game”… OR they came over to ours and ordered in Pizza and did a “Guy Movie Marathon” (usually they get into watching a boxed set series)
And when I get home, he does tend to absolutely GUSH over me. So there is NO DOUBT… and I KNOW that he misses me a lot.
Have to admit that makes me feel loved.
Post # 13
I feel perfectly normal but I do still miss him and enjoy when he comes home again.
But life would pretty much suck for me if I wasn’t this way since Darling Husband is away for work every single week.
Considering he’s had this job for 3.5 years at this point and that we did 10 months as an LDR too, I’m kind of used to it by now.
Post # 14
Since SO is military and gone a lot, I have kind of gotten use to it.
When he first leaves, I really miss him.
But I keep myself busy, and go about my days. Some days I miss him more than others, but the closer it is to him coming home, I do get more antsy! He’s leaving in a few weeks for a month-long pre-deployment training period, then we get to spend a week together, then he leaves for another 3 weeks before Christmas break.
It’s hard, but if I’m going to be a military wife, I have to put my big girl panties on and learn I can’t mope around—life doesn’t stop because he’s gone! Shit’s gotta get done!
But there is still a hole there, I will admit. :/
Post # 15
We spent 3.5 years in an LDR, so I’d say we’re pretty used to being apart – I usually had a mopey few first days, then was fine for the duration of the semester until I saw him again. Now, if he’s gone for a short period of time (which is pretty rare), I’m totally normal although I do of course miss his presence – being gone for anything less than a semester is a relief for us!
Post # 16
Well the poll is quite reassuring, nice to know around a third of people feel the same as me, that something is missing almost.
Right now my Fiance has been flying for 6 hours, and has another 2 until he lands. Im going to wait up until I hear he has landed safely and am killing time watching chick flicks on netflix. This will be the furthest apart we’ve been in nine years. Am already counting days until he comes home!