Post # 1
Hey ladies! this is probably a Too Much Information question but I’m looking for some advice.
I have endometriosis, and I had surgery last December. A common side effect is discomfort and pain during sex. Well, when I get married, I’ll have been abstinent for 13 months…it’s been a loooong time. It was definitely easier after the surgery, but I feel like i’m missing something. A friend of mine just raves about it, ha! My doctor’s only suggestion has been to take an ibuprofen half hour before and use some lubricant. Well, that sort of nixes the spontaneous idea! Plus, if I’m drinking on our honeymoon? Yeah. She also said that changing positions and whatnot helps. She also said that if there is pain, there is likely scar tissue on the walls and I’d need another surgery. Well, I want to ENJOY my 8 night honeymoon with my husband. So.
I’m nervous that it’s simply going to be painful. I’m hoping a few drinks helps me relax. I used to "bite the bullet" and when my Fiance realized I was doing that, he was upset. Well, the anxiety of it being painful led to us doing it only occasionally, and I don’t want my marriage to be like that. Or when we start trying for kids, for it to be something I’m not excited about and/or is very difficult for us.
I’ve done some research online, but what works for you? Especially if you have endometriosis or something similiar. Thanks!
Post # 3
a Too Much Information Post gets a Too Much Information answer! 🙂
Pain used to be an issue for me as well, and I never really got any solid advise on how to stop it, just things to make it ~ahem~ easier.
Lubrication is for sure a big deal. I suggest buying a few different kinds – not to uh… test them, but to see if you can live with them – make sure they don’t smell horrible or feel like grease or get too sticky. If it feels nasty on yor fingers, it’s sure going to icky "down there". You might have to go to one of THOSE stores to get a real selection – or check out the Passion Parties Wed site. They have a ton of info on their products and can tell you all about the different types.
Definately have a few drinks, relax, and enjoy your time with (now) husband – making that aspect of your wedding night just one little part of the great time you’ll have in bed that night.
In my personal experience it was mental as well – the more I focused on not being in pain, the more there was – don’t let THAT be your focus. Focus on the passion and love you share – that certainly helped for me.
Post # 4
The tried and true methods that I know are the ones your physician already suggested… but I would say to take a full dose of ibuprofen (400-600 mg), so that it will really work.
Also, I would ease back in with positions that are less painful for you. Often it is positions that have less intense penetration that help with pain from scarring or endometriosis. Communicate with your partner and make sure he knows what is working for you. That will help him, because he’s likely to be worried about you.
Post # 5
So true! I can tell he’s anxious because he doesn’t want me to be in pain, and I know it bothers him that what is supposed to be really awesome is sometimes less so.I swear, we are so awkward, LoL.
I do know that if i focus on it, I think i imagine more pain! I hate to say that sometimes i need that glass of wine (or two) but sometimes I do just to chill out and take the edge off. I was concerned about mixing ibuprofen with the liquor on our trip, too.
Any advice on which positions are supposed to be better??? I honestly have no idea which ones are supposed to work better! haha.
And you’re right, perhaps I need to branch out of the generic lubes I have and maybe move onto ones for more, er, experienced people? I like the ones we have, but we don’t use them for sex. I was thinking that some have a slight numbing sensation, you know, for "prolonged" use, and that might take the edge off the inflammation.
Post # 6
You can mix ibuprofen with drinks (as long as you are not doing it all the time). Ibuprofen is metabolized through the kidneys and alcohol is metabolized through the liver. Tylenol is the medication that is metabolized through the liver. Completely different pathways!
Look for positions that have less deep penetration… What are the positions that worked best for you before? Each person is different so it’s hard to recommend one way or another that may or may not work for you. Remember communication is key!
Post # 7
We’re going through exactly the same thing right now (well, not the endo, but the painful sex issue) and it’s so tough on a relationship. We use Astroglide lube, which you can just buy in any drugstore – it’s a little bit sticky, but seems to do the trick. My doctor just prescribed me a very low dosage of Elavil to help with the pain, I hope it works.
How is your fiance handling the situation? Mine is trying to be very patient, but I know he gets so frustrated when I don’t feel like having sex or can’t enjoy it at all. I try to find other means of being intimate, but it’s just not the same.
Post # 8
Thanks for the tips all. I don’t know what positions have worked for us in the past. We’ve sort of been a sparingly-sex couple due to the long distance nature of him being in the military. I’ve never really been faced with the prospect of so much sex in one week! haha. Maybe I need to buy a book with demonstration pictures, HAHAHA. Oh man.
My Fiance handles the situation very well. More or less, he’s happy either way. He’d rather we find an alternative way to be intimate than him knowing he’s making me uncomfortable and I’m not enjoying it. If I can’t enjoy it, I feel like I’m being used just for HIS pleasure and we both hate that idea. The intimacy of being together like that loses its appeal if you simply don’t enjoy it, and I don’t want it to become a chore. He’s quite easy to please and very understanding, though. He is very good at trying to put me in the mood with massages and stuff like that…sometimes that’s half the battle when half the time you do it you’re faced with enough discomfort to halt the whole thing.
I’ll keep this Elavil in mind though! My doctor knows we want kids about a year afterwards, but I also know that if there’s pain during my Honeymoon, it means more laproscopies. Nobody gains weight like a woman on bedrest sucking down cake, ice cream, and ginger ale!!!! And I think everybody knows that if it hurts, you don’t want to do it…and last I checked it’s hard to get pregnant if you’re not doing it
I agree, the intimacy is not the same. I feel like we’re teenagers again, trying *not* to do it or something.
Post # 9
I don’t know much about this situation, but I thought I’d chime in with some positions. I’m a very little girl, and my Fi is… not… so we sometimes have to be a little more creative. You might want to try both of you laying on your sides, like you’re spooning. Or, you laying down on your stomach and your Fi laying down on top of you; just keep your legs really tight together. Also, you can do missionary with him on top if you just go slow, and once again, keep your legs really tight together. All of these positions also give you the option of your Fi going between your thighs instead of actually entering, which works for me because it still feels good to both of us without creating an opportunity for the pain. Hope this helps!
Post # 10
I would suggest buying a good quality lubricant and as another bee already posted, try it out before hand to see if you can live with it.
I have a horrible reaction to things like K-Y or astroglide.
I’d recommend Eros. And for the spontaneity to remain, I’d suggest just carrying some in your handbag, you can always apply it before going back to your room, or wherever else you might be. I mean, like dash off to the powder room, do your lipgloss or whatever and give yourself a few drops. You will this way have a little more moisture than normal and you’ll both feel like you’re ready to go. Then if you need to reapply, you will, but you’ll have had a few moments of spontaneous honeymoon sex. I think this is a great trick for any woman.
Also, applying the Eros before hand should keep you lubricated for a lot longer than than K-Y or any of the other products that actually contain glycerin, which will dry you out and you’ll keep applying which will be majorly annoying.
Just remember that you’ve got a lot of years to have sex. If it doesn’t happen on your honeymoon, or the first night, it’s not the end of the world. Probably better for you to be comfortable, for both your and your partners sake.
Post # 11
I know how you feel. I had endometriosis a few years ago and now I have some sort of mysterious illness exactly like it. I haven’t found anything that truly helps to make it go away. We try using positions with less deep penetration. If I find anything else that helps, I will let you know.
Post # 12
I use to have pain during sex before I ending up having a hysterectomy. But like everyone else has already suggested. But I know for me the lubrication wasn’t an issue it was the penatration. I know for me I was unable to do anything where I was on top or doggie style ( sorry for being so blunt) the deep penatration is what was the problem. I did find that I loved being on top so instead of sitting straight up I would get on top but then lay down with my legs straight out behind me. Simply like I was laying down on him with him still inside of me. Then place your hands on each side of the bed beside his chest so that you lift up your upper body a little. For me I was able to get both pentration that wasn’t too deep but also clitorial (spelling) stimulation. Just play around with it and what works best for you guys. Since he knows and cares I am sure he is willing to experiment around. But please dont just bare it. Been there done there and the after effect just get worse and are no fun. Hope this helped a little feel free to PM me if you have any other questions just like I am sure everyone else would be willing to help. Sorry if this is bad in grammer and spelling tired and sick. Yuck!
Post # 13
I would look up articles on "dyspareunia" to help. I had that problem with an ex, and it turns out it was all in my head, because now (with FI) I don’t have it anymore. I realize you have a reason, so it’s probably not in your head, but there were some great articles out there with advice on it.
As a side note, you can’t use silicone based lubes with silicone…toys…or condoms.
On that topic though maybe you could go to the store and find some toys that are smaller to ease you into it. It like preps your for something (someone?) bigger. I’d check out one of those stores with your FH, and pick some things that look fun or interesting. It helps a lot, and maybe that will alter your mindframe about it.
Post # 14
I have endo as well, and I used to have pain with sex. I agree with the other ladies about being careful about how deeply you are being penetrated. For me, there was definitely a mental element to it. It’s hard when you’re in pain for most of the day to relax and be initmate. What helped me the most, though, was quitting smoking, changing my eating habits, and exercising. I have tried to cut out most processed foods and upped my fruit, veggie, and fiber intake. I eat meat maybe once a week, and I exercise 5 or 6 days a week. These changes have made me feel so, so much better, that I haven’t have any pain with intercourse in months. I hope you feel better soon!
Post # 15
Thanks for the tips everyone. Esp the graphic (but helpful!) ideas, Firefighter_Praz_Girl Even my Doc didn’t know what to suggest. I guess I never considered the depth of penetration to be the standing issue b/c i never considered my Fiance to be a terribly oversized person by any means. Not that I’ve seen too many, but it certainly didn’t scare me, lol.
I didn’t know the mental condition was called dyspareunia, MightySapphire, I’ll definitely look it up and see what advice I can find. Pain is pain as far as I’m concerned.
Haha, I hate the idea of *practicing* 7 weeks before my wedding!!! Eek. But, logically, it’s a brilliant idea. Especially since we are taking a 13-month break before the wedding. I want to enjoy my Honeymoon, not be worried about it the whole time.
StacyMarie, I’ve actually read there is a specific type of diet for women with endometriosis because if you eliminate inflammation in general, then theoretically the excess tissue in your vaginal walls aren’t inflammed, and that’s what causes the pain.
I’m sure the fact that I know I *have to* have to sex in less than two months is making me really anxious and super nervous about it. It doesn’t help that my Fiance is so excited about it (it’s been 13 months, I can’t blame him!) makes me want to I guess perform to expectations. And I know that that’s my mental element to it, but even when I was calm and relaxed years ago when we were sleeping together, there was always a 50/50 change it’d either be great or it’d be uncomfortable. I just can’t win, LoL! I refuse to be sexually active just for my FI’s enjoyment. It has to be something we both enjoy. Otherwise I’ll end up feeling used, and I’m not keen on that.
But i really appreciate everyone’s frankness regarding this topic. It’s definitely uncomfortable to bring up, but it’s reality, and most of my friends know i have this issue (it’s how i basically learned there was something *wrong* with me anyways so i started mentioning it to my doc…my mom had endo, too, so for her she has always told me that sex isn’t as great as everyone makes it out to be…and now i know why she says that) and basically tell me how much it sucks to be me! Gee, thanks! =[