How do you get over a good friend dumping you?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

@Sunshine09:  First of all, I’m really sorry this happened to you. It’s hard to lose a friend that’s essentially a sister.

However, the signs were there. She was basically being your friend because she committed to being a bridesmaid – and she knew once she was done with her job then she didn’t want to be friends anymore. ALL the signs were there to show that. I’m sorry you didn’t see it earlier, but unfortunately that’s the way it is.

Did you ask her, afterward, why she was cutting off all ties with you?

It sounds like you wouldn’t want someone like this as a friend, anyway. She obviously threw away your friendship without a second guess, and it’s probably for the best you leave it behind you.

That’s the hard part, I know, and why you sought advice. All I can tell you is that it’s just like losing a long-term boyfriend. What people sometimes don’t see in friendships is that they are very much like romantic relationships in the fact that you get to know each other, have fights, but in the end sometimes you can get a happy ending. Sometimes, you don’t. You just have to view it not as a loss but as a gain – what you gained through the time you were friends with her.

If you really want to salvage your friendship then I would suggest getting to the root of the problem and moving on from there. But it’s been a long time, it seems, since the blowout and if your ex-best friend hasn’t tried to contact you by now, your friendship is probably long gone.

The best way to get over the blow is the same as getting over a romantic relationship – get a new best friend. Of course it takes time, every ‘breakup’ takes time, but eventually your heart will heal and while you might never forget her, you will form new friendships that can bring you even greater happiness. -hugs-

Post # 4
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Sometimes people actually do go through things, and while it may seem really bad right now, it might be the best for her. I’ve gone through similiar things with a friend recently. She wouldn’t talk to me for several years. Then out of the blue she came to me and we buried the hatchet. It could get better after some time. I know it feels devastating, because you can’t really understand what happened and you want to fix it, but can’t. Best approach is to try not to think about it and hope that one day it would get resolved. 

Post # 6
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Smithfield Center

@Sunshine09:  No problem hun! Things will get better, I promise 🙂

Post # 7
7147 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Have you asked yourself what you might have missed or if there might be a reason for her to do this? I’m not saying she’s justified, but that she probably has a reason for being so upset. 


Post # 9
6958 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@Sunshine09:  This really, really sucks. 

It sounds like there were bad things happening in her life that she didn’t feel comfortable sharing while you were planning a wedding. Sometimes we do things to not burden others, but it ends up creating resentment in ourselves. It’s really not your fault- she made the choice to not talk to you about what was going on. She may now be using you as an outlet for her frustration and anger about whatever happened. 

I had a really nasty break-up with a friend a while back. I read a book called “The Friend Who Got Away” which is just different women’s stories about friendships that ended. For me, it was helpful to see that it happens to other people and I was justified in being hurt. It’s just as painful (if not more so) than some romantic breakups!

Also, therapy. I know it sounds drastic because she was “just a friend”, but if you went through a divorce or a romantic break up where your partner just up and walked out after 20 years, people would ABSOLUTELY tell you to go to therapy to work out your unresolved feelings. A close friendship is just as valuable a relationship and you may need help sorting out your feelings. 

Post # 11
3128 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

One of my best friends randomly stopped talking to me out of the blue. It is so odd. I text her and get no response. We haven’t seen each other in over a year and she has since had a baby. She is still friends with me on FB and her husband still texts me but not a peep from her. We still have a lot of mutual friends and NO ONE has any idea why she stopped talking to me.

At this point I have left it go. I have a lot of great people in m life who understand and support me. I have chosen to view it as her loss and stop stressing about why. After all, I can’t change her mind and she isn’t going to tell me her reasoning so the only hting I can do is not worry about it.

Of course, I have seen her do this to other people and she eventually reconnect with them so I have some small hope that will happen to us as well.

The only other experience I have iwth it was when I ended a 15 year friendship when my best friend began drinking heavily and was endangering her life + everyone elses life around her. She did not understand why despite an albeit brief explanation. After 2 years we made up. 

Post # 12
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I lost my best friend of all time because she started dating an abusive jerk. The jerk thought that I was a “bad influence” and essentially brainwashed my friend into thinking I was crazy and trying to harm her. Nobody else could see what the jerk was doing, but eventually my friend was completely isolated and her only friends were who the jerk said she was allowed to be friends with. 

It’s been three years since then, and it still hurts. It sucks planning my wedding when I had always planned for her to be my MOH. My current MOH is a great friend as well, but she’s just not the same type of weird as I am. She doesn’t understand my “vision” and she isn’t very invested in my wedding. Sometimes when I’m trying to explain what I’m going for… for the third time, I can’t help but think things like, “My old best friend would have understood this…” 

I don’t really have much advice, but it is HARD. It is SO HARD. It’s not something you can get past easily. It’s easier now than it was, but it takes a long time. 

Post # 13
1535 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I lost my bestfriend when I started dating my SO 6 years ago. I think it was mainly jealousy because she was going through a breakup at the time. Later, I found out that she constantly compared herself to me.

Anyways, we had our own messy *breakup* that involved A LOT of drama, and my SO’s ex gf. (my ex bestfriend was trying to encourage her to get back together with my SO). The friendship ended. Then, one year later, she started dating the same boyfriend who she was breaking up with when SO and I got together. We were close friends with him, so we reconciled for the sake of my friendship to him. They broke up AGAIN a few months later, but we still stayed friendly with eachother. Then, a few months after that, she randomly blocked me from facebook. I tried to ask her if anything happend or if I did anything. She completely freaked out on me and bitched at me through text message.

Since, I’ve seen her around at a couple group friend things. She’s tried to ask me to hang out, but I politely decline.

It’s very hard to lose a friend, but you need to think that you are better off without her. After we stopped being friends, I realized that I have so many friends who treat me way better than she did. Looking back, we didn’t have as good of a friendship as I thought

Post # 14
4138 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Maybe outright ask her why she’s so upset? It seems odd that she would turn on a dime like that unless something offended her. Not that her response is reasonable … but still. If you ask at least then you know what’s up. It could be some small misunderstanding that got out of hand. You never know. 

Post # 15
2772 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MexiPino:  +1. Great response.

I just wanted to say I’ve been on the other end of it too, ending a long friendship with someone. Even when you have a very good reason to end things, even when you stop respecting that person, even when you stop wanting that person in your life, it’s still hard. The friend I chose to distance myself from was a poisonous person to everyone she knew, and mostly to her family, and in the end (even though she had never once hurt me, used me, or done anything to me personally) I couldn’t ignore all of that. I still loved her, and I still miss her. I’m sure in some way your friend still loves you, but for some reason you don’t understand right now, she just needs some distance and time. The way she went about this is just so hurtful and horrible though. I’m so sorry! Especially with everything else you’ve had going on the last few months where I’m sure you really felt her absence when you really needed her. I hope she comes around and apologizes, and if she does, try to forgive her. If she doesn’t, then I’ll say it’s her loss. XOX

Post # 16
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014


“…sent me an EMAIL saying that the world doesn’t stop turning for one event

This tells me that something happened to make her feel like your wedding was all that matters in your life, to the point of disregarding other people. On the boards, I see that line used alot when a BM feels a bride is being too demanding or expecting everyone to rearrange their lives to be a part of their day and the parties leading up to it. I’m not saying that’s what YOU did, I’m just saying that’s when we usually see that line thrown around.

It sucks she blocked you without giving you an explanation for why she’s over the friendship. That being said, there’s really nothing you can do about it at this point except respect her wishes not to contact her.

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