Post # 1
Our engagement has been an extremely rocky one. FI’s and my parents have both behaved really horribly and put us in the middle multiple times, and my Fiance was diagnosed with a chronic illness. It’s been a trying year, but we’ve recently made a lot of growth. Fiance is finally starting to pull his weight with wedding planning and has grown into a true partner to me. (Previously, I don’t think he really understood how to be a partner, seeing as his parents totally suck.)
So the point is, things have been really good lately, for the most part. Then today, we got up and went to church (we’re meeting with a priest later this week, and he strongly recommended that we go to church at least once before we get married…so we gave it a shot today). When we got home around 12:30, Fiance said that he was going to nap until 2pm, and then he would get up and we could work on some wedding details (which we need to take care of ASAP because we have meetings with vendors this week).
(By the way, he needed the nap because he went out after work last night and stayed out until 4am, which I was not thrilled about, but he texted and let me know where he was. We had previously made plans to go to church and work on wedding stuff today.)
Instead, he slept until it was time for him to leave for work. He woke up multiple times to his alarm, but just reset it instead of waking up. When he finally got up and got ready for work, he didn’t say a word to me — except to ask me to help him with something. I told him that I was upset, and he apologized.
I’ve been stewing in my anger all evening, which I HATE. How do you bees get over it when you’re mad at your partner?
Post # 3
First off, ((HUGS)), I hate when plans don’t go as you wanted them to.
I let myself calm down naturally. If I just forgive&forget really fast then I usually end up getting re-angry later on when I realize that nothing was really resolved. Years ago I did one of those “love language” and “language of apology” tests, and I really need to know that the mistake won’t happen again and have him acknowledge exactly why it was wrong. Luckily, it usually takes me a lot to get mad.
Post # 4
Try working out a little. Blow off some steam that way. Or create a funny / stupid weddingbee thread and let us laugh with you.
Post # 5
I look objectively at the situation and decide if it’s really worth the fight or my anger.
It may not work all the time, but things sure have been better.
Also, I will say I DO get irritated a lot, not angry, irritated, there is a large difference. I always let SO know if something he said or did irritated me before it turns into anger.
Post # 6
You have to talk about it and bring it up again, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU MAY NOT WANT TO. Communicationo is key. Let him know how you felt, how he’s not “off the hook” and your feelings are being taken for granted. He needs to know that he has to put you and your wedding together first, not going out till 4am. I would be so annoyed. If you stay quiet and let it slide, eventually the passive aggressive behavior will come back and bite you in the butt.
Post # 7
I stew a bit but then I get over it. If the argument isn’t worth my relationship, then I make sure to remember that.
Post # 8
It can help me calm down to remember the thoughtless things I have done and how he’s forgiven me. When I think about some of the silly conclusions I have reached/gotten angry over, it makes me want to cut him some slack. I also remember how wonderful it feels to be forgiven. This doesn’t mean that I refrain from communicating how I felt, but I’m calmer once I’m off the anger-train.