How do YOU handle a lying, toxic friend?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: How would you phase out a toxic friend, without harming relationships with mutual friends?
    Respond to small talk with her, but ignore her otherwise. Keep the mutual friends out of it. : (24 votes)
    52 %
    Respond to small talk with her, ignore her otherwise, but explain the situation to mutual friends. : (12 votes)
    26 %
    Don't speak to her, don't look at her, no matter how awkward things get with the mutual friends! : (5 votes)
    11 %
    Make new friends, anyone who hangs out with this crazy girl is not worth knowing! : (5 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 2
    Member
    8071 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    What would I do? Cross her off my list of freinds and quietly disappear. Stop answering/returning calls. Be vaguely polite when you run into her. Life is too short for toxic friends. Ain’tnobodygottimeforthat. 

    Post # 3
    Member
    8071 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2015

    Oh and don’t talk to your friends about it. if they ask be vague- we drifted apart.

    Post # 4
    Member
    463 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    I would completely cut all ties with her. Life it too short to deal with crazy. If she engages tell her that you can’t be the friend she wants you to be and be done with it. Maybe she will get the picture. I had to cut a “friend(s)” out of my life last fall and it has been the best decision. No more worrying about what they may think, say, and control. You will feel better after you rid yourself of her.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1016 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2014

    I would let the other friends know what’s up (because they’ll surely sense it anyway) but keep details as vague as possible so as not to engage in gossipping or back and forth between you and the other girl. Kepe it as drama free as possible, maybe just say you guys drifted apart or something. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    6884 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!

    You describe her as a bad friend. Let me tell you that the older you get, the less patience you will have for people like her. So I say cut your losses now.

    It doesn’t mean you have to ignore her and be mean to her… I think you should tolerate her presence and still casually chit chat with her at school, but that’s where the communication should end.

    I wouldn’t pursue trying to hang out with her, but I would try and keep the relationship amicable since you do have so many mutual friends. If she asks you to hang out one on one, politely decline. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    42538 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    CandieC88:  Be polite if you are with other people, otherwise don’t engage.

    Post # 9
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee

    I’m  sorry this has come forth. But, if it’s one thing I’ve learned over time, it’s the minute I ignore my gut feeling Is the minute I get in trouble. This person is toxic. You don’t owe her anything. You owe it to yourself to have the luxury to choose who you want in your life and who You dont. I know it’s hard because you have mutual friends. There is no need to have or cause drama in their friendships. I would have that “uncomfortable conversation” with her. You are both adults. Base it on facts of her actions. Wish her well, and move on. Don’t stay up at night worrying about people who don’t do the same for you. Your other friends will have to stay neutral and not get involved.  It’s none of their business.  Your Friendship With The Is your own. They like you for you.  You And Your Toxic Friend are not a package deal. Best of luck. Life is way too short for to be Around people who are not quality people who treat you badly. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    5 posts
    Newbee

    So sorry for the misspelled words. Damn auto correct

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    CandieC88:  Be civil but cool and distant. Don’t seek her out for conversation but respond briefly if she speaks to you and excuse yourself as soon as possible.  Don’t do her any more favors, period.  That alone might do it. 

    If she confronts you, calmly tell her that the friendship doesn’t work for you any longer but you wish her well.  If you like, you can be honest – that you feel she demands having her way even lying to get it and that makes you feel used. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    I’ve been there with being a magnet for people who don’t treat you as you treat them…and I’m too familiar with the spoiled brat who thinks that friends are playthings to be dictated and controlled. While we didn’t have any other mutual friends, I stopped responding to all communication from a “friend” and didn’t initiate contact anymore. I think the “We can’t be friends anymore” discussion or the “I don’t want to talk to you anymore because of (blank)” discussion is pointless.

    A romantic relationship? Sure, you never want to blip out silently. But I’ve found the friend breakup is a much more awkward place. For one, friendships always tend to end for far more chaotic reasons. Second, I have NEVER seen anything good come out of recounting the reasons for the end of a friendship, or even just giving the “We can’t be friends” vague answer. If anything, especially with someone who clearly has issues, it’s more likely to incite her and to cause her to stir up trouble. The silent drift spares her feelings to an extent (she can always convince herself that you’re “just busy”), and she will get the hint sooner or later — probably fairly quickly that it’s all over.

    If any mutual friends ask, a casual, “We drifted apart,” should suffice. If you see her approaching, start engaging in conversation with other people. Make idle, polite, like-she’s-a-stranger chitchat. If she asks you what’s up or what’s going on, just an, “I’ve been so busy,” is enough. By the time she uncovers that it’s not wholly the truth, she may not even care anymore.

    But, that’s the best thing you can do for your mental health. Cutting my butthole friend out of my life eased up a lot of tension and anxiety I had felt. Until he was gone, I never realized how much better about myself I could feel! But, that’s what happens when you’re around a narcissist who has to put others down to feel better about himself. The same will surely be true for you.

    Post # 13
    Member
    231 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    I would cut ties – A person like that isn’t worth the energy.

    Post # 14
    Member
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    MrsBuesleBee:  

    +1000 PREACH ON THAT! 

    As I get older, I realize that I don’t have time for people who like to hurt me or bring negative energy to my life. 

    Cut off this “friend”. Be polite but not overly friendly. Do not return calls. 

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