- 3 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Hi Bees! Desperately in need of your advice, stories of similar situations, etc. to help me figure out what to do! Warning: My story’s a little long, just to give you some perspective…
I have a “friend,” we’ll call her Beth, that I’ve been trying to shake for some time. She seemed super nice at first, but then slowly over time started acting really demanding and bossy. She doesn’t really listen, talks exclusively about herself, and lies about little things all the time to get her way. She told a lie to get out of going to my birthday party, which she promised she’d go to; she never apologized for being late to my wedding and saw me with my dad getting ready to walk down the aisle; always insists on having her way with restaurants, movies, etc. if that gives you an idea.
Once, when we spontaneously decided to host a “snow day” party together, I offered to have it at my apartment because I had plenty of food and drinks for everyone. To avoid having to leave her apartment (5 minute walk from mine), she lied and told me she had plenty of supplies for everyone, and to come to her place. Minutes before the party started, she texted me telling me to bring my food and wine over because she didn’t have any. I trudged through the snow with my DH lugging those heavy bags to her place. When I confronted her about her lie, and she just smirked awkwardly.
Basically, even though I’ve really not been ok with Beth in a while, I’m in school for a really short time, and kept socializing with her casually since we had tons of mutual friends.
Fast-forward a year later. I just caught Beth in her latest lie, which long story short, she told in an effort to get me to do her a favor 2 weeks earlier than we’d originally agreed. This time, when I caught her, I told her the deal was off for 2 reasons: 1, because of the lie, and 2, because I will be busy packing to go out of town on the earlier date she demanded. She completely freaked out, and basically threw what I can only describe as a temper tantrum in the school hallway. She didn’t speak to me for weeks. This was the first time I’ve ever NOT caved to her unreasonable demands…I’ll admit I’ve been a pushover.
Since the fight, she stopped inviting me to anything with our mutual friends. But we still run into each other in class and at school social events. The most recent time (Thursday), I was with a different group of friends that she’s not close with, and she kept trying to insert herself into our group and talk to me like nothing had happened. I was polite and engaged in chit chat, but tried to keep a healthy distance. I don’t want to burden our friends with this conflict, but I don’t want to get sucked back into a toxic relationship with her. My question is, how to I handle this now, given (a) the small size of our school, and (b) the large number of mutual friends? Should I initiate small talk, or simply respond if she initiates? If she tries to talk about the conflict again, what should I do? Should I follow my DH’s advice and refuse to talk to her altogether no matter how awkward it is?
TL;dr – Big fight with a bad friend, lots of mutual friends, want to keep the peace and also prevent getting sucked back into the friendship. How do I make that happen?
Bees, you have helped me so many times in the past…thanks in advance for any helpful advice you have!