Post # 1
So. . . I never thought I’d ever have reason to write on this board–although I’ve moved off of the “never ever ever ever ever having kids” bandwagon onto the sidelines of “well, maybe. someday. a long time from now.” That tiny shift has me freaking out a wee bit. While I know that there is “never a perfect time to have kids” financially, life-timeline-wise, etc, I’ve got a couple of concerns that turn me off the whole idea–just don’t want to deal with them. I’ll try to ask my other questions in different posts because the questions aren’t at all related, but I hope you don’t mind me indulging my concerns (paranoia?). I’ve gone back and forth about even asking here, but so many of you have such great insights that I decided to suck it up and ask. Because in mind y’all can also be super threatening and scary.
Anyway, a family gathering got me thinking this weekend. My mom was obsessed with playing with my cousin’s baby at a family gathering this weekend (though he wasn’t so fond of her). Problem (in my head, at least)–she’s a smoker. As much as I’ve read about the dangers of third-hand smoke, I couldn’t help but wonder how you all handle smokers who want to hold/cuddle/play with your babies–particularly younger babies.
Clearly, my mom would never light up while holding a baby, but what to do past that? She lives close (so we see her often) and smokes inside in the winter. Is washing hands enough for you? A more distant relative, I could handle easily, but the idea of having this battle with my mother.. . blargh.
Maybe it’s dumb. It’s not even real yet. But the thought of it makes me think that the already difficult job of parenting would be that much less desirable. I’m sorry if this is wasting anyone’s time. . .it was just stuck in my head.
Post # 3
For me, and I dont have a kid, if they smoke as long as they dont smoke near her.
If they smoke in their own home, the baby cant stay over. We all can visit, but not often because I cant stand smoke smell either.
Post # 4
I do not have a child yet either but we have already discussed this and it is a big no for us. My MIL smokes as does her husband, they both like chain smoke. When we have kids we dont mind them being around our child as long as they are not smoking. And they almost always have their house open, so we would be ok to bring our child over if the house was open and no one smoked around the child. But if it is a closed house absolutly not. Smoke gives me massive headaches so I don’t even go around it.
Post # 5
We had a beloved surrogate grandma when I was little who was a serious smoker. (My maternal grandmother was dead before I was born, but this woman played the role of stand-in grandma.) She didn’t smoke around us, which seemed to be good enough for my mom. I should also add that my mom is just about as paranoid as they come as far as parents go, so usually I figure that if it was good enough for my mom, it’s good enough for just about anyone. The only sad thing is that we lost our surrogate grandma to lung canger when I was only 10 years old. I still miss her and wish she had been able to quit smoking.
Post # 6
I completey understand. I haven’t had the talk yet, but it is coming. Both my parents smoke and they would never smoke around the baby. However, I am going to have to ask them to also change their shirts when the baby is first born if they want to hold him. In one of our classes this past week they said one of the causes of SIDS has been linked to smoke residue. Now, why I am not one to believe everything I hear – I don’t want my precious baby around it. I am a first time mom and I will have enough paranoia already, this is one I will not deal with.
I will find a way to nicely tell my parents, but they will just need to respect our wishes as new parents. I am sure I will get the speech, “I raised you two kids just fine…….” BUT it is my child and my wishes. 🙂
Those are my thoughts. Good luck when you do cross this path.
Post # 7
My mom smokes, and I allow her to hold my son, play with him, cuddle with him. ot while smoking, and he doesn;t spend the night at her house, because they smoke indoors. But I don’t go overkill because of thrid hand smoke. I just think it would cause problems. Besides for the amount of time he spends in really close proximity it wouldn’t be worth bringing up anyways.
Post # 8
Honestly, I wouldn’t be around them too often due to my asthma. I remember my grandparents smoking when I was little. They would go outside and/or go to another room and blow the smoke out the window. They never did it in front of us. My other set of grandparents wouldn’t stop smoking if we were in the house (they knew I had asthma). So, my parents stop taking us there to visit. If we did visit it was short because they didn’t want to risk our health for them.