Post # 1
Note: this is not meant to be offensive, and I know the kids/no kids debate is a hot one. I think it’s absolutely wonderful when having children at the wedding fits your vision and makes your day feel complete, and its also okay when that’s not the case. this is not a debate thread!!
basically I was in the latter camp: I didn’t want children at my wedding. FI’s fmily has a lot of young kids, many of them badly behaved, and after seeing how they acted at other weddings (screaming during ceremony and speeches, knocking over cake at reception, etc) we decided to have an adults only reception. So we planned an evening, black tie event, open bar, etc.
FIs family is from Australia/New Zealand, so many couldn’t come as it is. Now we have some family members saying they want to come (to the US), but can’t if their children aren’t included which is understandable.
After some serious thought i decided to ease up on my anti-kid stance,because its more important for FI to have family present at his wedding than it is for me to have a kid free one.
that being said I’m still not super happy about it and now we have 12 kids under 10 coming, and one 14 year old. My vision of a black tie adult affair feels like its dead, lol.
is there anything I can do to make it less stressful? Im so worried about them being disruptive during key moments. And can it still be formal and elegant with children? Any ideas on how to keep them occupied, or cute table goodies for them? Thanks!
oh and also, do I now have to invite kids from my side? My cousins have 8 kids between them that are also very disruptive and don’t listen. And it would bring our kid count up to 20. Is there any tactful way to just limit kids to people who have to travel internationally?
Post # 3
*litening in* because I am in the same boat. I don’t want kids at the wedding. He has a ton of kids in his family and wants them. If we invite the kids in his family then I feel like we have to invite all kids and then there will be a ton of kids running around everywhere.
Post # 4
If it’s in your budget and there’s room at your venue, set up babysitting. That way the parents can bring their kids and be there if anything goes wrong, but they kids won’t have to be at your wedding.
I think it’s reasonable to say that only people traveling a far distance can bring kids. It’s one thing to arrange a sleepover on Saturday night to go to a wedding, but it’s another to arrange for your kids to stay somewhere for several days while you travel internationally.
Post # 5
@MrsCreeToBe: you have 2 options this is what I did I was in the same situation:
Either way you will need at least 4 babysitters.
This is what I did for my wedding and what I did for my graduation party that was ” adult only very classy affaire.
I arranged for 2 trust worthy babysitters the parents who agreed took their children o my brothers house. They had pizza popcorn and watched movies it went great… Parents picked them up next morning.
2. I had 3 baby sitters. A bouncer a tv and little tikes rentals as well as a small kermesse for the kids who attended as well as a children menu and 10 000 snacks. It was areanged as a Pen and it went great. 500usd total but well spend.
You need to adapt also to age and if your wedding is at night or during the day. You have so many kids you should do something similato option 2… For me that what we do at our big events we are just a big family no children is just not possible.
Post # 6
My fiance’s sister insisted on taking their children to the ceremony, I was very upset about the situation until I realized I was more worried about that than other matters related to the wedding, so one day I told her that was okay to have their children on our wedding, she was going to be the only one and that i was sure she will make everything possible to have them quiet during ceremony, FI was also very stressed by this situacion since it was her sister. After i agree about only her kids could be at our wedding the strees has gone.
Post # 7
There were 7 kids at my wedding. One of them fussed briefly during the ceremony, but I barely cared. To be honest, if they weren’t my nieces and I weren’t super close to them, I wouldn’t have even noticed their presence.
Just make sure their parents are seated with them at the reception, that they are far away from the cake, that there are games/coloring things, and just carry on. Kids aren’t that awful. And no one likes wedding cake, anyway, so who cares if something exciting happens?? =)
Post # 8
i would only let the ones out of state bring the kids but have a sitter for them at a friend or relatives house or a room at the venue and let the parents know before hand that you would love for them to be at your wedding and to make that happen you will set up baby sitting arragements to make that possible and to also give you the child free wedding you want because between your family and FI family their are just to many children to invite for a wedding and since you love them all you cant pick and choose which children to invite,but yu made baby sitting arragements just for them and you hope they will come share this special day and it will also give them a night out kid free 🙂
i wanted no kids but i did have my 5 neices and nephew in the wedding and told the parents after the ceremony they can have dinner but they have to be picked up after dinner or i rather have no kids in the wedding at all.
i have lots of kids in my family so to avoid the kids topic about them bringing kids in my save the dates i sent out and posted on a website was that its an all adult only wedding that im giving them all plenty of time to find a sitter that if i invited all the kids in the family their would be about 25 to 30 and that is way to many for a wedding,and i will not pick and choose some kids over others since i love them all.not one person gave me crap about bring their kids.if they did i would give them crap right back just for giving me crap and being rude
Post # 9
I think you should do what every makes you and your DI happy and relaxed on your big day,
I personally will have quite a few kids at our wedding/reception. There will probably be a dozen from 2-12. It works for us because we are planning a good food, good music eat drink and marry kind of event. I will love to see the kids on the dance floor lol
Maybe because I am a older bride and have an adult child…but I am much more relazed about it.
Post # 10
I’m in a similar boat too. I only want kids at my wedding that are IN my wedding. Almost ALL my friends and his family have multiple kids. If we allowed children, there would easily be MORE children than adult guests. We’re talking over 100 children! It’d turn into a totally out of control children’s birthday party, not a wedding. Even the idea of that stresses me out.
Plus, our venue charges $50/kid 3-8, and a full price meal ($130)/kid over 8! Yep. $50 for a plate of MAC AND CHEESE. I’m not joking. I’m sorry…but I’m not paying that for 100 kids…and I’m not asking my other friends and loved ones to stay home (we have VERY limited seating at our venue), so that another family member or friend’s kids can have a $130 meal. That’s crazy.
So…we’re taking a hard line on it. We have to. It’ll just get out of hand if we don’t. We’re going to give traveling guests with kids recommendations for daycare/babysitting services in the area.
Post # 11
Another vote for arranging for babysitting. Good luck!
Post # 12
Me too….we did the babysitting thing and it worked like a charm!! The caregivers we hired to come to the hotel were fantastic. The kids had a blast playing with each other and the private kids room catering was cheaper than the reception meal. They all came to the reception once the dance started. Best $300 spent!
Post # 13
You won’t really need to “handle” then, I promise – you’ll be too busy doing other stuff! There’s way too many people at your wedding for it to make the list, luckily! You barely have time to talk to everyone and eat…let alone corral kids!
Post # 14
@crayfish: NOT necessarily true. I’ve been to SEVERAL weddings where parents let their kids run wild. It was VERY distracting and totally stressed out the brides as well as ALL the other guests!
Post # 15
our reception isn’t at a hotel, so there really isn’t a room to arrange babysitting in 🙁 there’s a hotel nearby, but I doubt parents will be comfortable with that!
Thanks for the ideas, keep them coming!!!
Post # 16
@MrsCreeToBe: I’m having a hindu ceremony which can go for up to 1 hour. I have a kids table at the back stacked sky high with playdough (seriously, i bought about 50 tubs for about 20 kids). It’s okay as the ceremony is outdoors.
For my reception i made activity books and the kids favour is a pack of crayons. i hope it will keep em occupied.