How do you handle it when you disagree with a rule/policy affecting your child?

posted 2 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

My take on it is that the rules are the rules.  While it’s okay to question them and not like them, they still need to be followed.  If you don’t agree with them, you can choose to find a place with rules that better suit your beliefs.  

Post # 3
Member
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I haven’t encountered anything yet, since DD is at an in-home sitter instead of daycare facility, but obviously the babysitter does things differently than I do.  I tell DD (who I am fairly certain only halfway understands me) that Miss Jane does things her way at her house, and I do things my way at my house.

I can see issues coming up with public schools though, especially if there is a blanket “no food from home” policy.  I don’t think our school district does that, but we won’t be in school for several years so it’s not an impossibility.  I like to buy healthy and fresh foods, and from what I’ve seen of school food it’s disgusting looking.  However, I suppose it’s my job to explain to DD that some kids have allergies that can make them really really sick and it’s important to follow the rules because it helps keep other kids healthy.  

Post # 4
Member
1108 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

If you don’t like the rules and policies of any learning institution you’re going to place your daughter in, then there’s always homeschooling.  

Post # 6
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

iarebridezilla:  My general feeling is that there is usually a good reason that a rule is put in place. While it may seem excessive or annoying to me, I have no idea why the administration or whatever rulemaking authority it is, put something into place and it probably was not without cause. If you are really concerned, I would ask about it, but there probably isn’t much you can do but follow it or switch schools.

Post # 7
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

I’ve been an educator for seventeen years now, teaching from middle school to college. The bottom line from my perspective is that parents need to trust us to do our jobs. We know what we’re doing. Most teachers and administrators have extensive education and experience and have been in a classroom longer than some of the parents have been parents. In other words: if a policy is put in place, there’s a reason for it. A good one. It’s something we think will make things run more efficiently, effectively, and produce an overall successful environment. You may not agree with it, but we’re the ones in the trenches eight hours a day with your children and know what works and what doesn’t. Keep in mind we do what’s best for *every* child in our classroom, not just yours. 

Best advice? If you have a problem with a policy ask to speak to the teacher or administrator who put it in place like an adult. Being all passive-aggressive about it will only lead to trouble on your end, not ours. 

Post # 8
Member
5222 posts
Bee Keeper

iarebridezilla:  is it okay to do something a wee bit immoral if it benefits my kids’ health over the long term?<br /><br />IMO, this is an area where I would tread lightly. Your kids health doesn’t trump every single person around them, and showing your kid that their needs trumps everyone else’s needs is a recipe for one really snotty kid who will turn into a really snotty adult.

I think if you genuinely have a problem, you take the right avenues ( i.e. bring it up at a parent/teacher meeting or go to the Director of the daycare). We live in a complex society, we cannot all be catered to individually, especially if we are talking about a public school system or daycare. I think bending the rules and acting like a child is a special snowflake is WAY more detrimental than them “blindly” following the rules. 

There’s always alternatives: private school, a live in nanny, homeschooling or relocating to an area that has a system that better aligns with your beliefs. 

Post # 9
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

iarebridezilla:  Nothing wrong with questioning or attempting change, but if the rule stays then it needs to be followed.  I’m super curious to know what kind of policies they put in place that sparked this!!

Post # 11
Member
42472 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Most rules are established for the collective good and most don’t have any real deleterious affect on any one child. Fortunately for the masses, no one person gets to decide how things are done.

If you don’t like the rules and change of location or service is not an option, eg. public schooling,  you can be a role model to your child and teach them the proper way to try to make change- getting others onside, lobbying for support and change, instead of teaching them that rules are only to be obeyed if you agree with them.

Post # 12
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

DaneLady:  Are there seriously schools that do not allow you to bring any outside food in?! 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 4 months ago by  .
Post # 13
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

MrsWBS:  Totally agree with what you are saying. 

iarebridezilla:  Rules, no matter how unfair or trivial or silly they may seem, are rules for a reason. Most rules come to be because something happened to make them worthy of being addressed (at least in a school setting). 

To me it doesn’t make sense to fight them unless there is something you are truly passionate about advocating, because in the grand scheme of things children (especially) need to understand that rules are everywhere and not following them leads to consequences. I feel like the idea of “this rule doesn’t apply to me because my parent says so” leads to entitled kids who are going to have a big reality check when they get to the real world. 

 

Post # 15
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

Some rules you suck up. Some rules you don’t. If the school imposed some bizarre food policy and forced children to eat unhealthy food, you can bet that I would definitely claim that they had food intolerances/were vegetarian or whatever to get around it… that’s the health of your offspring which is in question.

Other rules… hmmm… when I was at school, I thought it was sexist and retrograde that girls had to wear skirts, but I wouldn’t fight that battle as a parent. So I guess it depends.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors