Post # 1
In the last couple weeks, I’ve been in some social settings where people have found out I’m married (or knew I was getting married and are asking if it happened, etc.).
I’m finding that I’m getting the: “How is married life” question A LOT.
I have no issue with that question in general (my pat answer is an enthusiastic ‘It’s better than I thought it would be’). or something along those lines: “Great!”, etc…
My issue is when the company is mixed. Just this past weekend, I felt like I stuck my foot in my mouth TWICE.
-The first was me going on about how awesome marriage (to someone who asked) and the 3rd person in the conversation told me a few minutes later that she was recently divorced because her husband cheated on her – d’oh!
-The other instance was telling a late-40’s acquaintance (who’s never been married but always wanted to) that she should definitely try it out (um, can I BE MORE DENSE AND INSENSITIVE??… (i blame the wine, but seriously – no excuse!)).
I’m more mortified at the latter situation than the former (since there’s no way I would have guessed she had recently divorced) …. all that to say: I need a better conversation response when singles are in the crowd. I feel like I can gush to other married people, but I feel there should be some ‘simmer down’ type response when you are around either single people….
Post # 3
Whoops! That is really awkward. My only suggestion is to just kind of give it a quick one or two line answer, like your “better than I thought” line, and leave it at that unless they start asking specific questions….
Post # 4
I hate that question. I never know how to answer. I just say, “good.” and change the subject. I lived with my husband before we got married, so really it’s not like a lot has changed for us.
Post # 5
Just answer honestly regardless of the company you are in. Don’t feel you need to pre edit yourself. No one will get mad at you for being happy with the current state of your life. Others will be happy for you. BTW when I was a recently divorced woman I wouldn’t have been mad or saddened if a newlywed was gushing. I would have been very happy for her. All of my sadness/anger was aimed at my ex.
Post # 6
Everyone I know answers that question with something to the effect of “a lot less stressful than wedding planning.” Maybe saying something like that would keep you away from the sorts of subjects that lend themselves to accidentally making people feel bad about their relationship situations and then making yourself feel bad for making them feel bad, etc, etc.
Post # 7
oh yeah, that’s awkward, but I don’t think that you should over-think it. People are just tyring to make conversation. Just say, “it’s pretty great, you know, but there is ups and downs like in every state of life,” and then ask them a question and move on.
Post # 8
I think newlyweds should gush. I’m sure most people agree. Don’t worry about those two situations, but feel free to answer with “Great!” in the future and leave it at that unless they ask for specifics.
Post # 9
@Sking: I agree with you – gush away! For every newlywed that overdoes it with the “marriage is awesome” talk, there has to be five people complaining about the spouse and making marriage look terrible. I was kind of scared married life would be horrible because of how many people told me how hard it is. While I appreciate honesty, if you are happy, that should be okay! Maybe you are giving those single folks hope!
Post # 10
I really find those questions rough. I especially hate “so…has anything changed since you got married?”
I think that your stock answer is pretty good. I also think of the gushing is like wedding talk before you’re married: It is really easy to overdo it. It’s cool to say that you’re really happy, but if you start to go on and on, people get annoyed.
That being said, I think that it’s great you’re happy and, as @daniellemybelle: said, it’s refreshing!
Post # 11
I tend to be a little reserved – meaning, I tried to not gush very much about planning and I try to be pretty conservative in general when talking about myself. I was at this event and had a couple glasses of wine and was very ‘relaxed’. *sigh* I seriously still feel like an idiot and definitely want to avoid such things in the future.
It’s one thing to gush appropriately and another to tell a long-time single person “you should get married!” – (hangs head in shame…)
Post # 12
Here’s my answers:
a) Does it feel any different?
–> It does, but its hard to explain how. There’s something comforting about knowing that we’re officially in for the long haul. (And if a divorce comment comes on, I choose to totally ignore it.)
b) How’s married life?
–> Wonderful so far! It hasn’t gotten hard yet. (I really like this, because I hate the way that older people tend to have this crazy idea that, since we’re newlyweds, we have no idea what we’re in for.)
c) Aren’t you worried about getting a divorce?
–> Luckily with all of the divorces in our families, we’ve gotten a great education on what NOT to do… and a list of great lawyers. (In my opinion, this is such an out of line comment that it doesn’t deserve a real response.)