No newer images
more by Jill6810
No older images
Were fighting.... :( vent
more in Relationships
At-home date ideas!
Wedding insurance??
more in Boards
Are there registries for lingerie/bachelorette gifts?  Is it tacky?

How do you know he's THE ONE?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
  • 1 Members Subscribed To Topic
  •  
    1.
    Member Icon
    Member
    1 posts
    Wannabee
    Jill6810    June 8, 2010   Kansas

    I'm having some issues with my SO lately. I've thought that he was the one for a while but every time our lack of trust comes to surface I think otherwise. 

     

    So ladies, what made you know he was the ONE? 

     

    On the flip side, what makes you think that someone is the WRONG one?

     
    2.
    Member
    691 posts
    Busy bee
    Carbon Girl    January 17, 2010   Vermont, planning from Gainesville, FL

    I knew he was the one when I realized we are true partners--stronger together than we could ever be alone.  I know he has my back and I have his.

     
    3.
    Member
    2,416 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Minutiae    May 2011  

    I know he's the one because he's the one I chose. :)

    I chose him because of our incredible commonalities, his strong, good heart, and steady nature. He has been nothing but loving and supportive. I trust him and feel secure with him. He's gentle. He has the most amazing warm brown eyes. He plays the guitar. And he laughs at himself. He is, essentially, better than what I thought was the best, which tells me that he is nothing short of a Godsend. I'm not taking that for granted.

    On the flipside, I know he's right because he has never abused me or treated me poorly, or made me put aside my dreams, or pulled me down or taken away my confidence. The wrong man is unstable, careless, ignorant, and abusive. The wrong man doesn't fit into my life, but forces me into his. The wrong man doesn't care.

    Sometimes, the wrong man is just a lima bean trying to fit into my pea pod. (And I don't mean that in a sexual way. :P)

     
    4.
    Member
    31 posts
    Newbee
    MtgBride0510    May 14, 2010  

    I know he is the one because we have gone through the most terrible experiences together and have come out stronger. I know he is the one because we both view love and life the same way, and even at his worst, I am still crazy about him. I knew for sure he was the one when I saw that he had integrity even when he thought no one was looking, I think how your SO treats other people in his life is a great indicator of who he really is. 

    I knew my ex wasn't the one because I never trusted him, and he made me feel insecure.

     
    5.
    Member
    1,386 posts
    Bumble bee
    verosara    March 27, 2010   LA, California

    He's the one because as corny as it sounds, he still makes me feel all tingly and he still gives me goosebumps!  He is so loving, respectful and loyal.  I've had my trust issues, and occasionally they still come up, but through many instances he has proved to me that he goes by his word, he is definitely an honorable man.  I used to think there's no way I would ever find that, and I feel so blessed that I have.  He definitely has my back and has been so supportive it's the best feeling. 

     
    6.
    Member
    199 posts
    Blushing bee
    hltruax    March 20, 2010   Weirton, West Virginia

    My FI and I have been together off and on for ALONG time. Off and on in high school and it got rocky when he started college. Basically, he cheated on me at a party one night. I broke it off for a few months but he was completely devastated over it and not to mention the fact that I had found out that I was pregnant. He worked EXTREMELY hard to get me back and very hard to get close with my family again. I gave him one more chance for the baby and because of course I still loved him. Fast forward two years later and he is the best man, best father, and genuinely the best friend I have. Our son really made us grow up and he turned into a completely different person, basically he became a man. I couldn't imagine spending my life with another person. He has and will always be the only man I've ever truly loved. I love the person he has become. I love the relationship he has with our son. I love how hardworking and driven he is to succeed and make a fantastic life for his family. But most of all, I love the fact that we can talk without saying a word. At a point I never knew if I would be able to fully trust him again, I'm not going to lie. But in all honesty, that all diminished when he proposed to me. He somehow managed to make all my doubts go away when he said the sweetest most heartfelt words I had ever heard. I love him and our family more than anything in the world and I cannot wait to be his wife!!

     
    7.
    Member
    3,486 posts
    Sugar bee
    HoneyBear    March 17, 2012   Texas/ Isla Mujeres

    I realized he was the one when I looked at his cell phone and I didnt have the overwhelming need to look at his text messages. LOL. I know it sounds stupid, but really what it boils down to is trust.

    With my ex every time I saw his cell phone I had this want to look through it, and when I did, I always founds something that made me upset or angry. Long story short, he was cheating on me and deep down inside I knew it.

    With my BF now, I completly trust him. No words can explain how wonderful that feels and how much i truly love him

     
    8.
    Member
    417 posts
    Helper bee
    Angeleri2bee    05/22/2010   El Paso, TX

    I knew he was the one when I realized that he makes my life so much better, and he brings out a better person in me.  

     
    9.
    Member
    1,444 posts
    Bumble bee
    Talishazwi    January 16, 2011   Seattle, WA

    I can't explain it any further than I just know.  I asked my FI this question just now and he responded the same way.  I always knew when it wasn't right either.  I know it sounds cheesy and I never "got" Corinthians 13 before (Love is patient, Love is Kind, etc...) but it really is true.  I have all the patience in the world for him which is huge because I have no patience. 

     
    10.
    Member
    1,418 posts
    Bumble bee
    Mrs. Louboutin    July 2010  

    If you have any trust issues, that should be a major red flag.  If I for even a second had trust issues with my FI or vice versa, that would most likely cause us to really re-think our engagement and impending marriage.  If you don't have trust, then what the hell is the point anyway?!

    I also don't understand why ANYONE would ever take back someone who has cheated on them.  That is a whole different issue though.

    My FI and I have a good relationship for the most part, but at the end of the day we know that we are 100% devoted to each other, want to be with each other even after we have a fight, and have fun together. 

    Wedding planning can be stressful and has brought up issues between the two of us.  That coupled with the fact that both of our jobs have been very busy and stressful recently has caused problems.  We were fighting more often. 

    After talking, we are trying to remember that we are always on the same team.  When it comes down to it, we have so much in common, we are best friends, and even when something terrible happens, we still want to be there for each other during it.  That's how I know.

    The honeymoon phase is great, but that isn't real love.  Real love takes work.  Real love is actively commiting to your FI and working on your relationship for the better.

     

     

     
    11.
    Member
    315 posts
    Helper bee
    jaybird12    September 6, 2014   Boston, MA

    I know he is the one, most simply, because of the way that I feel around him. I still get butterflies every time I drive to see him (in a good way). There is more trust in this relationship than I have ever had in a relationship before. We confide in each other with details of our lives that we have never shared with anyone else. I am perfectly happy around him (most of the time), and when we cuddle, it just feels perfect.

    He is the first man that I have not wanted to change to fit my ideal of the perfect man. I think that is the clue which tells you who is not 'the one.' If you want him to change significantly for you, he's not the one. (Note: this is different than growing and changing together.)

     
    12.
    864 posts
    Busy bee
    Nexus-6    March 12, 2010   Portland

    I know he's the one because of the way we connect with each other. We're on the same team and we want the same things out of life. There is honestly nothing I would change about our relationship, and I can't say that about any of my previous relationships. 

    He just gets me, and loves me despite all my faults. He makes me want to be a better person, which is saying a lot because I am the queen of laziness and procrastination.

     
    13.
    Member Icon
    Member
    6,442 posts
    Bee Keeper
    KMSull    August 7, 2010   Lexington, KY (via Atlanta, GA)

    I could write lots and lots of paragraphs about it- alot of them having to do with alot of things other girls have said- trust, having fun, having eachothers backs... but at the end of the day, it absolutely wounds me to think of having to do anything without him! I cannot imagine what my life would be and was without him. I didn't even know what I was missing!

     
    14.
    Hostess
    3,751 posts
    Honey bee
    ccranetobe    August 14, 2010  

    I know hes the one because, he is honorable and honest. I may not like the truth, but I know I can count him on it. We have been through tough times. and honestly the wedding planning has been one of those tough times. But at the end of the day, I know more about him and he always treats me with respect and takes time to listen. And he isnt a romantic, but he will do the small gestures to make me know that Im his special someone. And hes my best friend, when Im not with him, I wish he was there to share the moment? to have a laugh and stuff. When we have our differances because were both stubborn as each other it never even once crosses my mind that this it too hard to continue.

     
    15.
    Member
    979 posts
    Busy bee
    tammyt112    May 29, 2010  

    I know he's the one because I cant picture my life without him.  He patches me up when im hurt and takes care of me when im sick.  He is ALWAYS on my side and is a good teammate.  He stays up all night and sings to me to sleep when I cant sleep ( i know corny), and he is an amazing dad  to our daughters! This is how i look at it: If you are willing to die for someone then he's the one. I know thats deep but its true love

     
    16.
    Member
    2,098 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Miss Chapstick    September 2009  

    I knew he was the one because I'm a very untrusting person and I trust him 110 percent. He's always been there for me, through family deaths and even when I was diagnosed with cancer, and he's never blinked an eye at supporting me and standing by my side, even though he could have bailed and had an easier life without me in the picture.

    I don't believe that we all just get one person that we could be with in life. But I chose him for the above reasons. We're best friends at the core of our relationship, which helps us through everything. In the five years we've been together, I've never pictured myself with anyone else. I  know that in ths future, I may not always feel that way, though, but I WANT to always fight for us because I believe in our relationship that much. I feel like we can get through anything together, including rocky parts in our marriage.

     
    17.
    Member
    383 posts
    Helper bee
    LittleOctopus    October 10, 2010   Raleigh, NC

    I'm sorry you're having doubts/issues.  Mr. Octo is my man because it's just so easy to be with him.  We make each other laugh, we're partners, we talk things out when we have issues.  Even our disagreements are easy, because we both want what's best for our little forming family.  Life with Mr. Octo is so incredibly simple, and I love that.  But trust is extremely significant, so I'm glad you're thinking about your issues now instead of when you're halfway down the aisle.

     
    18.
    Member
    6,816 posts
    Busy
    Beekeeper
    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    He's never made me feel worried or insecure about our relationship. He respects and encourages me in life. And most importantly, he doesn't let me get away with being a brat (which I am, quite frequently). It's made me respect him a whole lot!

     
    19.
    2,110 posts
    Buzzing bee
    gabrielleelise1981    August 28, 2010   Portland, Maine

    It may sound silly, but he’s the one because I want him, not because I need him. In the past, in some relationships I had when I was younger, I felt like I needed the guy to complete me – I couldn’t make it without him, couldn’t live without him, etc. It was an all-consuming feeling, and an unhealthy one. I spent a fair amount of time on my own, figuring out who I was, what I wanted – and found that I’m actually a really strong person, with a lot going on, regardless of my relationship status. Once I got to that point, I think I was in the right place to be a good partner. I don’t “need” R to have a great life, but he makes my life infinitely better, and happier.

    We’re also best friends, and he just feels like home to me.

     
    20.
    Member
    5,166 posts
    Bee Keeper
    2PeasinaPod       Philadelphia

    I know he's the one b/c I knew exactly what I DIDN'T want. My ex was exactly what I didn't want. He and I were together for 3 years in college, and he ended up being inconsiderate and just plain lazy with our relationship. He really didn't care much about what made me happy. Did he love me? I don't doubt that he did, but his lack of trying in our relationship made me realize he was exactly what I DIDN'T want to marry.

    I was then single for 3 years...dating around a bit until I met my husband. He was everything I ever wanted in a husband. He was ridiculously considerate, loving and I could trust him with anything. The way he made me feel was nothing like any of my prior BFs made me feel. I just knew right away that he was it.

     
    21.
    Member
    2,152 posts
    Buzzing bee
    alishaneva    May 2011   Lancaster, PA

    I hope your doubts work themselves out, I do! What exactly are the trust issues? Are they specifically about one thing, do they go back to the past, etc?

    I've loved Cam since pretty much the moment I met him - he was cute, funny, and had so much life in him. He was everything I knew I wanted. It wasn't the same for him, though - I called him first and he only called me because our mutual friends told him he should! But I recently had it re-inforced for me that he was the one. It was New Years' Eve Eve and I was stressing out because I had tons to do at the house before I drove up to his home (45 minutes away) to start our NewYears Eve festivities the next night. I planned on pulling an all-nighter and somehow managing to stay up until at least midnight the next night and my anxiety was high! I was talking to Cam, stressing, and he just says "Why don't you pick me up and I'll get that stuff done tomorrow while you're at work and then we can just make our way back out my way when we get to it?" At first I refused - but he had a point - the 1.5 hours it would take me to drive to him and back was way worth it. I calmed down on the car ride, started breathing more regularly when I saw him, and laying next to him that night was perfect. He's literally everything I'm not as well as some things I am. I love that boy with all my heart. And that's how I know.

    In my experience, when I've doubted things for a long period of time in the past, there's a reason for that, and it's just that it's not meant to be ... I don't want to rain on yur parade or whatever because it's good you're going through this thinking now - but remember - if it doesn't feel right, it might not be, and that means it's time to talk to him about it.

     
    22.
    Hostess
    9,018 posts
    Buzzing
    Beekeeper
    daydreamwanderer       DC

    gosh, three years ago (next month), I finally broke things off with my crazy, abusive ex. See, for 3 1/2 years, I thought HE was the one. I was delusional. And then I spent 2 1/2 years fighting to regain myself, being single for the first time since middle school (out of one relationship, straight into another, for years). Around 2 years of being single, I finally figured something amazing out: I like myself. And not because some guy liked me, or because of who I was with someone, but simply, because I like me.

    And all of a sudden I stopped looking/longing for a relationship. I realized that I was complete and happy alone, and was perfectly content to stay that way, unless the right guy came along.

    I made a crazy mental list of things that would be important to me, things I wouldn't be willing to compromise if I were to meet someone new. I'm not talking 'tall, dark and handsome' - I'm talking values and things that are important to me, things that I knew would have to be important to any guy I could be with.

    And when J came along, a few months later, he was everything I had told myself someone would have to be.

    We had been good friends for 8 years already, but had never dated, so when he came halfway around the world, seemingly on a whim, to visit me, I didn't see anything coming. But when he stepped off that plane, I knew in an instant that this was no friendly visit. The more we talked and caught up and re-learned each other after years of long distance friendship, the more that I realized we'd both grown up a lot, and both grown to love and value the same things.

    The clincher though, after he declared his love for me (his whole purpose in coming to see me, as it would turn out), was when he told me that he would never ask me to leave my job (I do humanitarian work in China), but would move there to be with me after we got married. Right there, in that instance, I knew he was the only guy I ever wanted to be with.

    Not many men that I've known would actually move halfway around the world to be with the woman they love, or value her and her beloved career more than their own career. He loves his job, so the fact that he's willing to give it up for me and mine means the world.

    After my last relationship, where I was told over and over that all I was qualified or worthy to do was bear children and stay home to take care of my husband and them (I'm not saying being a SAHM is bad, but I don't think it ought to be forced on anyone unwillingly!), it meant so much to have a guy come out from the beginning and be so explicit about how much he respects both me and my validity as a woman and a working individual.

    Yeah. I guess that's it. :)

     
    23.
    Member Icon
    Member
    1,267 posts
    Bumble bee
    Arachna       nyc

    Because he feels like family, he feels like mine, he fits.  My gut knew he was the right one long before my head did.  

     
    24.
    Member Icon
    Member
    324 posts
    Helper bee
    gingerlex    June 25, 2011   UK

    I love the way he put it. He said to me that when he was with me he realised what all the fuss was about, THIS was what he'd been missing and he knew he didn't have to look anymore.

    Everything feels like it slots into place and it's like it's always been like that and will always be like that. We know what the other is thinking, support and trust each other and there's never been any doubt that we should be together.

     
    25.
    Member
    1,210 posts
    Bumble bee
    otb    December 31, 2009   Chicago, IL

    I know he is the one because I couldn't imagine what my life would be without him.  I don't need him to be myself, but I do want to spend the rest of my life with him.  You know when you make a big decision and sometimes you are apprehensive or nervous about that?  Like buying a new car?  Or deciding which college to go to?  When DH proposed, I had none of that.  I knew in my gut that he was the man for me, and I was just estatically happy. 

    I hope you can work through your doubts.

     
    26.
    Member Icon
    Member
    2,016 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Lees4308    March 13, 2010   Panama City Beach, FL.

    I KNOW he's the one because I've made so many improvements in myself, and me & him both notice it! Before I had no reason or NEED to improve myself, but now I find many reasons to. I used to lose my temper quickly, along with many many other things...FI has made me think twice before making any stupid decisions :)

    I've made myself a better person & he's helped me to do that...not even intentionally!! And another thing that he does...which makes me SO mad..but I guess it's good in the long run, is he always has this way of just making me laugh when I'm mad at him. Sometimes I'll have to turn away from him because I'll be laughing!! And it'd made me even more mad if he knew I was laughing! LOL it's crazy!!

    I just KNOW he's the one :)

     
    27.
    Member
    1,730 posts
    Bumble bee
    Dancy905    February 5, 2010  

    I asked my Mom that Q once and I remember her telling me that it's when you have NO doubts, that there's not a question in your mind. I don't mean regarding marriage itself - of course 1/2 of marriages today end in divorce, life gets in the way. No one's ever absolutely 100% guaranteed to stick around. But as long as you're willing to step onto that path & take the risk with that person - I think that's when you know.

    FI and I dated & lived together for over a year in '02, then we broke up. FIVE years later we got back together and now we're both sure. I remember when we were first getting  back together I questioned whether it was the right move, everyone was telling us both "you know how this story ends". We talked about it & FI looked at me and said "I've been with you, and I've been without you. With you, my life is so much better, that's how I know they're all wrong." He was right.   It's not that you can't live without the other person… it's that you don't want to. I think it's the choice that makes the difference.

     
    28.
    Member
    4,075 posts
    Honey bee
    Amaryllis    July 2, 2011  

    Great thread.

     
    29.
    Member
    226 posts
    Helper bee
    Ex Libris    October 10, 2010   Brooklyn, NY

    I knew he was the one because unlike the guy I had been miserably seeing for the year and a half prior, he actually called when he said he would, and WANTED to make and keep plans.  He was a totally stand-up, honest, super boyfriend guy, without being wimpy or whipped.

    I never felt nervous or edgy around him, but always had/have butterflies in my stomach. 

    He makes me laugh and we share the same dark, sick, sense of humor in private - I never have to censor my dumb "mean" jokes. 

    He's really smart and proud...sometimes too proud, but still.  We share the same values - each other first, with strong ties to family and friends.  We both have promising careers and believe in hard work and ambition. 

     

     
    30.
    492 posts
    Helper bee
    RenoRose    December 31, 2016   Reno

    I know he is the one because I can agree with everything everyone has already posted.

    Everyone has posted about trust, honesty, loyalty, feeling like a team, not NEEDING them, choosing them, "fitting," knowing what they DON'T want, being supportive, being able to be themselves, etc...

     

    Every. Single. Thing.

     

    I feel it deep down in my core, and I have never known 100% like this.

     
    31.
    Member
    243 posts
    Helper bee
    aliceinweddingland    October 9, 2010   New Jersey, NYC wedding

    I knew it because I am willing to work through anything to stay together. Distance, religious differences, personal quirks--nothing could keep us apart. And he feels the same.

     

    Reply

    You must log in to post.





    Visit our sister sites eHarmony
    Online Dating
    eHarmony Advice
    Dating Advice
    Project Wedding
    Wedding Songs
    JustMommies
    Pregnancy Calendar
    Copyright 2004-2012, Weddingbee.com
     

    Find your vendors on Weddingbee

    Real reviews from brides in your area!

    Favors by Weddingbee

    • Favors by season

    Shop Now ยป

    Find Registry Find Registry Find Registry

    More
    User Posts Today
    Lyndzo 46
    AshleyR83 24
    mypinkshoes 23
    Ms. Salamander 23
    beargoose 22
    rebwana 21
    Jenlon 20
    his chippymunk 20
    kat2014 19
    fishbone 18

    Relationships

    User Posts Today
    imageeksowhat 3
    Cady 3
    Sasha2011 2
    tenacity 2
    Ms Flamenco 2
    This Time Round 2
    ladybugmommy2010 2
    mightywombat 1
    vmec 1
    vlbee 1
    More