Post # 1
I’m torn. My husband and I have been married just over a year and we are both suffering a crazy case of baby fever! But it’s not the baby fever that we’ve had in the past, that lasts a few days and then it’s back to normal, self-serving life. We’ve both been thinking constantly (but not obsessively) about TTC for about a month now.
My biggest drawback at first was finances, but a few days ago I was informed of a few things that really took that financial concern away from me. (Sorry for being so vague…I want to stay fairly anonymous on this site!)
All that to say…what do you guys think? What’s the difference between fleeting, emotional “baby fever” and HOW in the world are you supposed to know when it’s ACTUALLY time to TTC?
Thanks for your two cents. 🙂
Post # 2
Baby fever comes from the heart/hormones.
Actually being ready for a baby = thinking with your head.
It takes a combination of both to be ready. I wanted a baby (had baby fever) SO bad when I was in my early 20’s. I was emotionally ready, but as a couple we were not. Getting finances in order, establishing careers, etc were equally as important before having a child (as much as I HATED that fact, and was positive we could swing it before all that was done.
We did end up waiting a couple of years from when the “fever” started, and I am very glad we did. It made life with a baby/ maternity leave so much less stressful.
You just have to try to figure out what will work best for you as a couple. Some people have NO problem bringing children into the world while they may be struggling financially or not quite past certain goals in thier life–for us, that was not the case.
Of course, putting off TTC until everything is “perfect” is not realistic either.
Post # 3
if you can handle the responsibility of a baby both finanically and emotionall then you are ready, otherwise i would wait.
however, there is never the perfect time to have a baby. if you are ready now, start trying now. it might not happen right away. and most of the time, parents always find a way to make it work.
Post # 4
For me it took actually TTC to realize how badly I truly wanted a baby. I always wanted kids, but after a couple months off TTC with no luck I was starting to be absolutely gutted each month it didn’t happen. That’s how I knew.
Post # 5
I think that if you know that you’re definitely going to want kids at some point and you’re in a very happy, stable relationship, it’s best to start trying soon as!
This is just my opinion of course. We were waiting until we were in a perfect situation and had moved out of our apartment into a house, despite having been together well over a decade already. Then we realised we still couldn’t afford that nice big house and if we wanted a baby we were just going to have to get on with it or it would be too late.
I’m not old by any means and don’t have any known fertility problems but it’s still taking a while and I wish we had started trying a couple of years ago – especially as I’d like more than one child. I say go for it – life is short, and more so your reproductive years!
Post # 6
There’s never a logically “perfect time” to have a baby. ANd realistically, even if a “perfect time” did come up, finances change and circumstances change. The biggest factor in being ready for kids IMO is being ready to enthusiastically be a parent and happily put another little person before yourself.
Post # 7
Good question, I’m in this boat too (although I dont think DH will ever get “baby fever”) so I’m commenting to follow 🙂
Post # 8
You are never really “ready” for a baby. Even at 31 weeks pregnant, I’m not really ready. I’m happy to be a parent but I can’t say I feel like a mom in any real way just yet, and my husband and I constantly play the worry game even when we think we’ve built ourselves a nice nest-egg for the future. I knew I was ready for kids though when I would start thinking about everything I couldn’t wait to do with a child. When we’d go on a trip, my husband and I would start talking about all the cool things we could have done on that trip with a child of our own and we got excited thinking about making those memories.
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
TogetherThroughLife: If you’re ready, you’re ready. So longas there isn’t anything else you want to do or put in place before TTC, you can go ahead and go for it. If you have any concerns, spend the next month or two taking your pre-natals, visiting the dentist, and getting a regular checkup to make sure everything is in order. If by the end of the month or two you still want to TTC, go for it!
Post # 10
You know its time when you’re ready for the responsibility and you and your partner are on the same page. Both of you need to be 100% invested in the idea. There is never a perfect time for a child. Of course, we made sure a lot of our goals were met before having a baby such as having a house and getting a dog. Once we did that, and we couldn’t think of a reason to wait, we just went for it.
Post # 11
Thank you ALL for your great advice. You’re making me nod my head in agreement, smile at your sweet comments, and affirming a lot of things I already know to be true. thank you all.
the_newlymintedmrs-s17: Congrats on your baby-to-be. 🙂 When you said you don’t quite feel “like a mom” yet I was reminded of this past sunday (mothers day) when I was talking with my parents and my dad was talking about the moment I was born. I was my parents’ first child. They were in their very early twenties. He said that the doctor put me on my mom’s chest and I stared right into her eyes, and she into mine, and he said that at that VERY moment, she suddenly became a mother and from that moment she ALWAYS just knew exactly how to be a mom. so sweet. it made me tear up. I hope you experience that same thing. 🙂 I also resonate with your comment because my DH and I do the EXACT same thing – daydream about all the wonderful memories we will make when we have a child. I look at everything from that perspective these days. ha!
beachbride1216: Good advice. just curious – why the dentist? lol 🙂
urchin: I think you hit the nail on the head with what you think the difference between the two is. Thank you for actually answering my original question. 🙂 very wise!
Post # 12
Post # 13
TogetherThroughLife: I think you said something that, when it happens to us, will indicate we’re more ready for a baby. You said “We’ve been thinking constantly about TTC for a month”. I’m not saying a month is a long time, but I think there is a definite difference between a few days of really wanting to have a baby and that feeling/desire lasting longer.
My DH and I are in an odd place with this right now. We have our TTC timeline “set” for summer 2015, but that’s if we get there and are “ready”. Emotionally and mentally (most of the time), I am ready for a baby. My DH…ehhh not so much. I think he worries about practical stuff (which I do too) such as: finances, free time, taking a leap from being just the two of us, being responsible for another human life. I know we will come to a point where that stuff is figured out or not as important anymore and it will be time, even though we’ll probably never feel 100% ready.
Post # 14
We’re on our way to being ready (wedding this fall, and I really want to have that behind us first), and I think we are being held back with the wedding, and finances as well. If those weren’t an issue anymore, I think we’d be ready- here’s my sign:
When I was younger (and not ready), I’d think oh I want to travel, and do this, this and this before I think about having kids etc. Now I think- none of that matters, travel can wait, those other things can wait, etc. I’ve started putting the baby above those things in my mind!
Post # 15
TogetherThroughLife: There is no RIGHT time to have a baby. Particularly once we became an industrial society, children became financial burdens. Once large numbers of women started working outside the home, it became even more difficult to time the baby. Even though at one time, many women had children by the time they were 20, now that’s widely conidered TOO YOUNG.
Every message we get is wait, wait, wait. Wait until you finish college. Wait until you are married. Wait until you as a couple can afford it. Wait until you are ready, whatever that means.
I waited until I finished graduate school. I waited until a few years into my career. Then in my early 30s, I was “ready.” But health problems came along, followed by financial. Didn’t start trying until 37, and ran into age-related infertility. Despite years of trying wasn’t able to have a baby. Saw several friends and acquaintances in the same boat.
Don’t know how old you are, but at some point you have to take the plunge and do it.
I once had a professor, the father of 5 daughters, who said, “If you wait until you can afford kids, you will never have them.”