(Closed) How do you know the dress is "the dress"? /rant!

posted 6 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I definitely know your pain! I went to 9 stores in probably 3 weeks and got really frustrated. The thought of trying on another wedding gown made me want to vomit! We got engaged at the end of May so I went to look at dresses maybe 2 weeks after b/c we set our date for March 1.  Like you, there were alot that I liked but none that I felt I HAD to have. Lots of “I like the top but not the bottom” or vice versa. I had a consultant at one store make a comment that not only made me not want to set foot back in that store but I also felt like I needed to hurry and make a decision or I wouldn’t have a dress at all. I ended up getting a dress at the 9th place after telling my mom I wasn’t going into another store. I really started to get that feeling that I watch too much tv b/c I didn’t have the tears or anything like what I was thinking was “supposed” to happen. My advice to you would be to take a break. You’ve got some time so give yourself some rest from looking and go back in fresh. I really like my dress but it’s not exactly what I wanted so here and there I did/do have a little bit of dress regret but I’m a tight wad so buying another one is not an option! The consultant that helped me in the 8th store suggested taking a break to me and even though my appointment at the 9th store was immediately after that, I wish I’d taken her advice. 

Also, if you have an idea about a dress that you think would be perfect, maybe look into having it made by someone in your area. That is also something I wish I’d looked into first! 

Post # 4
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I went to four stores and found my dress on my second outing (but ended up buying it at a store closer to home for a better price).  I tried on A LOT of dresses- at the first store I definitely did not feel wowed by any (but I thought I did when I put on the first one because it was the first one lol)  Then I went with my FMIL, mom, BM, and sister and had a terrible experience with a snooty consultant and overpriced, not beautiful dresses.  Some were okay but I was very discouraged.  The last store I went to I got to try on TONS of dresses.  Probably over 20 easily.  I knew I wanted straps because I don’t wear strapless things, but I did end up loving the way the one looked on me towards the end of the appointment.  It was a little shinier than anticipated (on the hanger I thought it would be a no) but on it was just right and blew any maybes out of the water.  Everyone else thought so too.  I tried on a few more because it was scary making the final decision but when I put it back on I didn’t want to take it off!  Trying on the veil really completed the look.  I did want buttons a little but it wouldn’t have worked with the embellishment around the bust, and I thought about adding straps but it really wasn’t necessary and would change the look too much.  I think when you try on something that really makes you feel beautiful (this dress made me look and feel skinnier than I am, thus more confident) you’ll know.  I ended up spending $1,000 less than I budgeted as well, which was great (though that money has already been repurposed lol)  Don’t give up!  A good consultant really helps!

Post # 5
Member
640 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

We kind of had a short engagement so I had to choose a dress quickly and sometimes I feel like I didn’t try on enough, like my true dress is still out there. I do like the dress I picked, but sometimes I think there is something missing. So keep looking until you get that feeling or atleast until you find the dress that makes you say ” Damn, I look good!” when you look in the mirror.

Edit: Also, I wanted to say I know the frustrations of being a plus size girl trying on these dresses. It is so hard to get a good idea of what a dress will look like when it is ghetto rigged to your body, bunching up and sliding off in the wrong places. That is why I did a lot of my shopping at Davids Bridal because they carry larger sizes. All the boutiques I went to have only a few nice dresses in my size or anything close to it. There were a lot I just couldn’t try on because of being curvy.

Post # 6
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

The more dresses you try, the harder it will be for any one dress to wow you.  At that point, you’ll just need to take the best elements from your favorites and choose a dress that has all your checklist items on it.

Post # 7
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

At some point you need to decide whether it’s worth it to keep going to new stores in the hope that “the dress” exists (and in your price range). From my experience, as you start to lose hope of finding it, the process can become kind of grueling and dispiriting. It wasn’t until my (I think) 7th store (in 3 states) that I even found a dress that I could come close to saying “I loved.” Until then I had only found a couple of dresses that I liked okay. Once I found a dress that I truly felt I would be comfortable and feel beautiful in, I bought it. Not everyone has that lightning bolt moment. If you’ve already found dresses you love, you are doing well. Remember that little things you might not like about a dress can be changed in alterations and that, on the day of, you will have beautiful hair, makeup and accessories, the bridal glow, and possibly professional photography working for you, you will be surrounded by people you love, and you will look fabulous.

Post # 8
Member
1026 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I felt the same way when I started dress shopping.  I went to 4 salons and tried on a ton of different style dresses and found 4 that I liked but wasn’t inlove and didn’t have that feeling.  I was beginning to get extremely fustrated and was just going to settle and purchase one of the one’s I liked.  My mom told me not to make a rush decision, that I had plenty of time, and to continue looking.  I took a mini break and on a random night my mom and I decided to go dress shopping at a local bridal boutique.  In the car she said “I have a feeling your going to find *the dress* tonight”.  Well she was right!  I tried on a bunch of dresses, at the end I tried on my favorites again.  I knew it was *the dress* because after the bridal consultant finished tying me up and placed the veil on my head I looked into the mirror and tears started to come.  It’s this overwhelming feeling that just takes over.  Not everyone has this feeling but if you do, trust me you’ll know it’s the one.  I agree with PP, take a break, and start the search again.  Good luck!

Post # 10
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I found a dress I liked at a store (call it dress A) . When I googled it on weddingbee, it turns out another bride was deciding between dress A or dress B. I fell in love with the picture of dress B, and kept falling in love with all of the pics of it online. So I got dress B. I had some misgivings about it because the sample gown was abused and didnt look like the picture. But the day came and it was perfect and looked just like the pics. 

Post # 11
Member
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I didn’t have a “moment”. I looked and found a few I liked and thought were pretty, but not really any that made me feel like a bride. I ended up buying one that my mom and I both thought was pretty and classic, and that I was comfortable in. 

Post # 12
Member
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

I think you should take a dress shopping break.  I’m pretty sure it has nothing to do with the dresses at this point.  Perhaps you’re scared to make a committment and have dress regret or maybe you just don’t love any of the dresses you’ve tried on because you’re trying similar things on over and over again and that’s not working for you or maybe it’s self-esteem issues (ie: you probably look really great in tons of dresses, but don’t feel like you do because of your own issues, not because of the dress). 

Take a break for 1-2 weeks from dress shopping and then resume your shopping and start off with two questions:  (1) which cut is most flattering to your shape? and (2) what does your dream dress look like?  Perhaps the issue also is that the two answers to those questions don’t match – and they often don’t for lot’s of women!  For example, I really thought I was going to go with a ball gown, but when I tried them on, I felt like I was going to prom all over again and that it didnt’ do anything for my shape (I’m too short, I think!). 

So, you should first figure out what cut flatters your figure most and then look at dresses only in that cut that have what you’re looking for.  It will probably significantly cut down the amount of dresses even available for you to try on.  And, don’t forget what the alterations department can do!  Almost any dress can be turned into a sweetheart, pickups added, ruffles removed, etc.  Lot’s can be done and maybe that’s the stuff that’s missing! 

Good luck – I hope you find a dress you love!

Post # 13
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I just went through this same situation…kinda. I have been dress shopping since March about every two weeks, which starts to equal A LOT of dresses.  AND I am a size 18 bridal. I had many that I liked and thought wow this is very beautiful & this could be it! But then I would leave the dress shop and within 24 feel like I regretted those thoughts in my head. This week I went and tried on a few more dresses (I was alone, then I’m true to MY feelings about the dress and I didn’t feel like I was trying to please anyone else) I tried 3 on and then when the 4th came along, it was like “Oh my gosh I really like this.” *2 mins later* “OH seriously I love this quite a bit” *30 seconds later* “HOLY CATS I LOVE IT! *1 minute later* “This is the dress! I just know it!!’ I was completely smitten with it and although I had teared up once before, this dress sent me into full blown tears. I was sobbing like a baby from being so overwhelmed with happiness. After I had said ‘yes’ to my to my dress, they allowed pictures. I had the consultant take a few a long with a few I snapped of myself. Put the down payment down and walked away. Now it is 4 days later and I still LOVE LOVE LOVEEEEEEE my dress, but when I look at the pictures I think “wow that pic doesn’t look that great…” But then I remember many things: 1) this is shot in a tiny dressing room by some girl I just met. 2) I have no make up on and my hair looks stupid. 3) The dress isn’t even close to the same size as what I need. 4) This camera is crap. 5) It’s not my wedding day yet. And especially with that final thought, it made me realize that yes, I was extremely confident in my decision. Don’t rely on pictures your family might have taken either Because you may not be America’s Next Top Model in your fitting room pics in a sample dress, but when It’s your day, You’re going to be all dolled up, radiating and being photographed by a REAL photographer (not to mention better lighting). I think if you had ‘that moment’ then you’ve found her. After trying on forever, it starts to feel a little overwhelming and hopeless I know. And side note: The stock photos, sometimes NEVER do a dress justice. SO don’t judge by that at all. The stock photos of my dress…I had actually looked through that dress designers  collection online before and I hadn’t even given the dress I ended up purchasing a second glance. 

If you find a dress where you think it’s the one, sleeping on it doesn’t hurt. I think you should maybe try on a few more, and if this one keeps sticking in your mind, and you’re finding hard to even think about committing to another dress, than this is the one for you. Give yourself a little time. I hope everything goes well! Keep us updated! 🙂

Post # 14
Member
1024 posts
Bumble bee

@futuremrsk18:  That was all such awesome advice! I’ll keep that in mind in case any friends experience the same issue as the OP! (I’m already married.)

Post # 15
Member
2808 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

i knew when i didn’t want to try any more on. and i didn’t want my FI to see it. cause he’d seen the others. and after every single dress i’d tried on before, i wanted to try more on. but not after THE dress. i put it on, and said to the consultant “okay, this is it. this is my dress”.

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