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4.5 yrs and counting..

How do you make friends with people now?

posted 2 years ago in Newlyweds
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    1.
    Member
    1,113 posts
    Bumble bee
    bvig    September 2009   wedding in NJ

    We moved a bit before we got married.  In our old place we were both students and became friends with people through classes and living in close proximity to other students. 

    Now we moved and at first were busy planning a wedding and starting new jobs but now it's just becoming sad that we haven't become close with people yet.  And while we're (or he) is still kind of in school, it doesn't involve classes and we just haven't done a good job of meeting people.

    We love hosting dinner parties but it seems like most people all ready have their set groups of friends and as a couple in a college town- ack!  There are plenty of people in their late 20's but they're just so elusive.

    How do you make friends at this age and now married?

     
    2.
    Bee
    5,821 posts
    Bee Keeper
    mouse    September 11, 2009   Austin, TX

    Hmm, I'd guess either through work or through your neighbors.  If you've moved to a new city, you can ask all of your friends if they know anyone who lives there that they could hook you up with.  Or what about meeting up with some WB readers in your town?

     
    3.
    Bee
    8,645 posts
    Bumble
    Beekeeper
    cardigan    January 7, 2011   Austin, TX

    We're still in college and we have a really hard time making friends too! The only reason I have a ton of friends is because of the program I'm in at school - it throws me with 27 other girls (and one guy, lol) pretty much all day every day. We got to know each other pretty quick!

     
    4.
    Member
    4,151 posts
    Honey bee
    Meowkers    August 27, 2011   Los Angeles, CA

    I like Ms. Mouse's idea of getting "set up" with other people.  Also, what about joining some gourps or clubs?  There's so many posibilities there.  book clubs, sports leagues (adult kickball being my favorite), philanthropy organizations etc.  Are you sports fans?  Go watch games at a local sports bar for your team and meet people there.  Does your school have an alumni network in your new city?  Where you part of sororities or fraternities in school that may have alumni networks near by?

     
    5.
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    2,168 posts
    Buzzing bee
    cannotwait    February 1, 2009   TX

    I think it is normal for it to take longer to make friends after undergrad.  I met some good friends @ church, and some more casual friends @ sports & work.  I also do crafts & sometimes still see alumni from from my undergrad...including ones I hang out more w/ now than I did back then!  (I think what I look for in a friend has changed, plus we are bonded from our common experiences in undergrad, even if we didn't hang out all the time back then.)

     
    6.
    Member
    2,525 posts
    Sugar bee
    daniellemybelle    June 19, 2010   Baltimore, MD

    I'm concerned about this too. I think I'm going to take some classes, like yoga and cooking, to meet people. I also agree with the comment about alumni networks - I know ours is strong where we will be moving and even though I'm not all school spirited, I plan on getting involved.

     
    7.
    Member
    1,210 posts
    Bumble bee
    otb    December 31, 2009   Chicago, IL

    We are in the same boat!  We moved to Chicago like two months ago, and it's pretty sad cuz we have like one friend here!  I'm hoping after the wedding we can sign up for a cooking class or something and make friends that way!  We have yet to see if there is an alumni program here, but again probably after the wedding we will get more involved in that type of thing.

     
    8.
    2,195 posts
    Buzzing bee
    JoesWifey    May 24, 2009   NYC/Wedding in Indiana

    We have no friends either :( I left all my family and friends back in Indiana when I moved out to NYC. I would love to have some newlywed friends! I wish I could start yoga, but we just don't have the money. Maybe a book club or something. I keep holding out hope that when the day comes for us to have children, I'll start making friends that way. Moms always stick together! lol

     
    9.
    Member
    1,113 posts
    Bumble bee
    bvig    September 2009   wedding in NJ

    For us it's a bit weird, it just seems like we're forgetable.  Like we'll have people over for dinner and they come and drink and seem to have fun and come back when invited again but.....then we'll hear through the grapevine that they held a party or a dinner and we weren't invited.  This has happened with a bunch of people, no reciprocation, so after awhile it feels a bit weird inviting them over, even though they come - I can't figure out if these people like us or don't and why they don't want us at their parties and get togethers.  It's beginning to feel like bribing people to hang out with you.

    The other problem is people get very into their niche.  Like we go on bike rides with a group but it's overwhelming with how much they love their bikes, it's a bit much to go out afterwards and hear 'bike bike bike bike bike bike'.  My husband also joined beer brewers group and the same thing happened just 'beer beer beer beer beer beer'.  Which is fine to an extent but it's not the same as having like a good group of friends who you feel you can really be yourself around.

     
    10.
    Member
    668 posts
    Busy bee
    missrain    January 2, 2010   Austin

    Hmmm... I have been out of school for a couple of years now and honestly do not have a lot of friends. Most of the ones I have are through work and church. FI's friends are primarily through school (he finishes his masters degree next month), but I suspect it's going to be tough to find new friends-- and couple friends!-- when we move.

    I look forward to reading your suggestions!

     
    11.
    2,195 posts
    Buzzing bee
    JoesWifey    May 24, 2009   NYC/Wedding in Indiana

    @bvig that's something I'm worried about! Joining a group but then all they want to talk about is whatever the group is about. oooh well I guess. I don't have much time to hang out with people I guess, and even when I do, I suppose I don't really want to lol So, for now I'm ok to not have friends. I'll be going back to school hopefully soon, so maybe I'll make some there.

     
    12.
    Member
    439 posts
    Helper bee
    sunshinebride    July 30, 2010   California

    join groups!  are you into running?  join a running group!  art?  take an art class!  honestly, groups are the BEST way to meet people out of college, i think

     
    13.
    Member
    2,098 posts
    Buzzing bee
    Miss Chapstick    September 2009  

    My husband and I were/are in the same boat. We moved here about a year before we got engaged, and we left all our friends behind. We noticed making friends as an adult is really hard! I worked with all older men in their 40s with families, and my husband works with some younger people, but they don't have much in common. I have some single cousins here, but they're all very much into the late-night bar scene, and we're just ... not.

    We actually read an article about websites like meetup.com and kupple.com in our local newspaper. It's kind of like eHarmony for people that just want new friends. I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but we actually met some people on those sites. A few of them didn't work out (we didn't click), but we have a couple friends who we're really close to now. Meetup.com is really cool because you can choose different categories relating to your interests. Anyhoo, it might be worth a shot!

     
    14.
    Member
    439 posts
    Helper bee
    sunshinebride    July 30, 2010   California

    commenting on the "that's all the group talks about"... i think that's just what happens at first.  Like, everybody knows that's the common interest, so it's a safe zone.  I mean, when you go out with work buddies, isn't it all just work talk?  once you actually get to know the people you develop deeper relationships based on more than just your common interest.  obviously, i'm a big proponent of groups ;)

     

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