Post # 1
- Wedding: September 2018 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA
This may sound like a stupid question, but I’m curious how you make friends in the "grownup" world. All of my friends are either friends from school at some point in my life, or current/past jobs. I’ve always been a bit shy and I become really awkward around new people sometimes, so I’m not the type of person to just make new friends in random places and follow-through with cultivating a friendship. Example: I met two really great girls at a baby shower a few months ago where I only knew the mommy-to-be, and felt instant connections with them both and talked to them the entire time I was there; it was the perfect opportunity to exchange phone numbers and make a point to get together another time, but I don’t know how to initiate that. Alas, I’ll probably never see them again (and it’s too little, too late to ask our mutual friend for their contact info). I turn into an awkward 8th grader asking a boy to a dance when it comes to initiating friendships.
The other day I told Mr. Cupcake that I’m kind of sad that we don’t have a group of friends in the town we live in. It’s a great, friendly town where there are lots of young couples and families, and if we wanted to we could make some connections with people when we’re out and about, but we never do. We stick with our college/work friends who don’t always live as close or have the time to hang out often, or we just hang out with each other. Don’t get me wrong — that’s awesome — but sometimes I feel like we’re missing something. We both have great, lifelong friends, but not many new friends.
Have you made a lot of new friends outside of school and work? How do you initiate these friendships at an older age?
Post # 3
This is somewhat interesting. I am in a specialized field and back home (In TN) I had so many friends who worked at same hospital. We socialized at work and away from work and they’re still some of my most precious friends. Where I am now, the age division is wierd..We have 3 in their 50’s and two in their 20’s and me..somewhere in the middle (late 30’s). Not alot of socializing outside of work although we get along.
I joined several years back our state professional society and met new friends,. I also joined my sorority alumni group and met two really good friends. I also joined a political support group and met friends there too.
It is harder the older we get. We have more responsibilities. Family life takes center stage, etc.
Post # 4
Honestly, I made quite a few friends from the blogging world. If you join a community like Xanga, and sign up for groups that are within your interest/area (ie, weddingbee, houston tx, dentists, moms, etc)… then you can usually find a couple people that you have in common with and who live within your area. This only works if you’re a regular blogger though and read other people’s subscriptions.
Maybe you can find a forum? Or join some kind of league, like bowling? Or join dance classes (like salsa, swing)? Usually the same group go to those classes and you see the same people every week. And if you go to church, they usually have young couples groups.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
You’re not the only one, cupcake. I’m just like you! In the end, I get nervous and let the possible friendship fizzle. My only friends are past school friends and colleagues. (I even met the man at work, and had also gone to school with him! lol) I have never been one to ‘click’ with people, and it’s kind of sad that I really don’t have many close girlfriends. (My closest actually live across the country from me – so that’s not very close, at least not for hanging-out purposes!)
Post # 6
I think in the situation like the baby shower, I would have Facebooked the two girls through the mutual friend’s page and gone from there…
All the new friends I’ve met after university are through friends or work. I agree it’s hard to meet new people… everyone already has set social circles…
Anyways, it’s not too late to hang out with those girls. Perhaps have your mutual friend set up a lunch where all of you are there?
Post # 7
You just described me! And it is so funny to my friends and family because you can’t shut me up once you know me. But I get so awkward and nervous. Doesn’t help my FI and I met at work so we don’t have an automatic large circle from two places. Our office used to be very social but we’ve had major turn over and not so much anymore. Also, in my profession I can’t really join any sort of volunteer organizations because of conflicts of interest. I’m curious to hear what people say. I have a similar recent situation to your shower…my best friend from college’s best frined from high school’s best friend from college (follow me haha) lives in the same town as I do. We met up when we were all in Manhattan. We had a blast. She emailed me to exchange phone numbers but… I’ve yet to call. This was like two months ago. For your situation, I grew up outside of Manayunk. A lot of my friends who live there have made friends through the Manayunk Sports League. Just a thought.
Post # 8
So, not gonna lie, I only clicked on this one to see if I could get some tips myself. I’m pretty socially awkward, so even when I meet people I like I really struggle with building any kind of friendship. It doesn’t help that I’m pretty reclusive by nature, so it’s rare that I want to go do anything. I have fun when I do, but I rarely initiate.
My experience is that I find friends through other friends. A lot of times the people I like tend to like other people I like. I can also continue contact by saying, hey why don’t you invite that friend of yours, when we do something. I also greatly heart facebook. ^_^
If you’re religious, or even just have any beliefs, church can be a good way of meeting people. If you don’t have any specific beliefs, unitarian churches welcome everyone and tend to be a pretty crazy mix of folks, so there’s a good chance you’d like one of them at least. 🙂
Is it terrible that I’m glad the FH’s new job will have us moving every year or two, so I don’t feel like a loser when I’ve been living somewhere way too long and STILL haven’t made any friends?
And lucky for me, the FH is great socially, so he’ll have plenty of work buddies we can do things with, but no pressure to be BFF’s or anything. 🙂
Thanks for posting this! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one!
Post # 9
To put is simply, I have not made any friends outside of school and work. I have no idea how people do that so easily…I’m just too shy!
Post # 10
Cupcake – I totally fee you and wonder the same thing! I have great lifelong friends, but not any new friends for us to hang out with more regularly.
It’s so much easier when you meet people through school or work b/c you can slowly get to know them, chatting whenever you run into each other, grabbing lunch together, going to happy hour, and then before you know it, you’re friends without having to really think about it…but once you’re out of school or work at a super small office, how do you make new friends?!?!
I’m pretty shy so it’s hard for me to just meet people. I imagine that someday we’ll move into a house in a great neighborhood and become friends with some of our neighbors. My best friend who has two small babies says she meets so many people when she signs her kids up for activities and takes them out to the neighborhood park. I have another friend who signed up for classes and other activities (book club, cultural group, etc) when she moved to a new city so she could meet some new people.
So I guess the way to meet new people to become friends with is to participate in new activities…or form some kind of group yourself and host events at your house (cooking group, gardening group, poker group, book group, running group). Maybe you can tell your friend that you wanted to get a group of girls together for some activity and that you thought of the two girls from the shower since they were so much fun…and wanted to invite them.
I wish you lived in the Seattle area so we could get together and find ways to make new friends 🙂
Post # 11
Well one thing is for sure..we’re making friends now!
Maybe we can all try to have a nationwide (in different cities) bee meetup so we can all have even more friends! We’ve already met some online here!
Post # 12
Mrs. Cupcake — I joined a book club and rotaract when I first moved to this new area. Now that my FI is here I’m trying to trick my new friends into bringing their FI’s and husbands along to happy hours and stuff so that you can have some couple friends. I also took a knitting class at Michaels I made some really nice friends there too.
Post # 13
FI and I were just talking about this. We’re both very shy and most of our friends are single, and/or younger than us. We wish that there was a dating site for married couples. She can list her interests, he can list theirs, then they’re matched with couples that they’d have a high chance of being freinds with. If I knew HTML or had any sense of business, I’d come up with it myself! 🙂
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2009 - City Hall
I’m so shy! I love all these tips, and they’re soooo making sense to me. But even if there were any people on my local board on this blog for example (seriously, i’m the only one posting in there), i’d probably be too nervous to actually meet em.
Post # 15
I think it’s hilarious that we can all login to WB, and talk about everything from lingerie parties to what type of food we like, yet in the real world we are all shy, socially awkward, or embarassed!! I have wondered about how to make friends ever since I graduated college. I don’t always get along with my work friends!
One way I made friends was joining a local adult-league soccer team. Great girls, and we had a lot in common!
Another way, I joined a community choir.
Church? (I’m not really religious and my church kinda desbanded )
I think most people end up making friends when their kids enter childcare. It’s the whole "My kid’s friend’s mom is my friend" thing.
But what about us childless newlyweds? No idea.
Post # 16
Maybe I can help with this one. Fiance and I are both very extroverted, so we have the skills it takes to meet a lot of people (though these meetings don’t often develop into friendships).
I’ve found a couple of things that help.
1) Be open to everyone you meet. That doesn’t mean talking to everyone on the bus or in the grocery store… but a smile is fine. One of my best friends in Seattle and I met because we kept seeing each other in the neighborhood. We both had dogs.
In fact, my 3 best local friends live in my neighborhood.
2) Cultivate a hobby. Fiance and I are taking dance lessons. I go to the dog park a lot with my dog. We go to a quiz night at the local pub. We try to do these things on the same day at the same time. We see the same people and are in a situation where it is natural to talk to them.
3) Follow through on the idle "We should have dinner." If some overture is mentioned, make sure that you have a phone number and are willing to call it. After the dinner, follow through with a "That was so fun" email.
4) Try to be accepting as possible of people. When people feel judged or talked about, they are unlikely to want to hang out again. We make it a policy to never ever talk badly about our friends. On the flip side, we’ll cut someone loose if they are doing that to us.
Seattle is known as a city that is friendly but cold to outsiders (which I was). Google the "Seattle Freeze" if you want to know more of what I’m talking about. If I can make friends here (and granted, it’s a small group), then anyone can make a friend!