(Closed) How do you make new friends?

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Hah, I don’t make new friends. I am friendly with people, but don’t actually have real friends. I am not very outgoing and no one ever invites me to do anything with them. I actually get really upset that I have no good girlfriends here.

Post # 4
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Yes defintely. I would think it is difficult to make new friends as you get older. I was reflecting on this the other day. I think the dificulty lies in the fact that we base our interactions on shared passed experiences (not having gone to the same high school, not the same major or profession), then as we get older we begin to get ‘set in our ways’ and may or may not be into the same things other people are.

I have made some great long term friends online (one of my undergraduate room mates had a long distance relationship with a guy- I talked to him online when they were dating, she cheated on him- then she and I drifted apart. Fast forward ten yrs and I am still friends with her ex-boyfriend!) 

I think we just have to learn to be flexible. So I started taking painting classes, I opened up to neighbors when I walked my dog, I try to ‘get out there’ with new people who seem to have shared interests. I try to be more friendly when I am at my gym classes to other girls- But you have to make a conscious descision to do so despite being exhausted from juggling so many things on your plate! -At least I feel that way.

But it’s also hard when you are willing to be the ‘social bee’ when your SO is more low-key and less inclined (due to work schedules or conflicting interests) to go out with other people. 

It’s so funny you mentioned this because I was just thinking about this very thing the other day!

Post # 5
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I don’t really make new friends, I just keep the ones I have…sometimes they are hard enough to keep in contact with, so I don’t really want to add to the list.  The only one I’ve made recently was one of my co-workers about a year ago, she’s just one cool chick. =)

Post # 6
Member
1238 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I’ve kept most of the friends I’ve had since grade school, and at each new point in my life I add to my list of friends.  College friends, work friends, gym friends, friends from my husband, friends from conferences, online friends, friends from going out and dancing… over the years they come and go and add up.  I have a few select and close friends from each point in my life that are always there.  In fact my bridal party represented this.  One highschool friend, one friend from when I worked at Disneyland, a friend I met line dancing, and one that I met at my current teaching job.  🙂  Friends are the best!

Post # 7
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I have made a lot of new friends in the last year or so. All my college friends have moved away and I miss them. I have made my new friends all through swing dancing. There is a big scene in DC with lots of young people. Funnily though I didn’t start to really connect outside the dances until my husband and I got together. Now we’re making friends with couples or more "group friends." That’s easier somehow than doing it one-on-one right off the bat.

I would say to make more friends you should try to get involved in consistent activities. Like, taking a class is great, but usually you will be more focused on the activity than friend-making (though of course it’s possible if you make the effort). But if you’re part of a group that’s more casual and long term, eventually after being exposed to the same people you start talking to them and then you might become friends.

Post # 8
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

For the past few years, I’ve mostly made friends by waiting to see who my boyfriend/fiance/husband makes friends with, and then getting to know them and their girlfriend/fiancee/wife. It works all right, but I do tend to have more male friends than female this way, and not very many female friends who are a "bosom friend" like from Anne of Green Gables. I’d really like to start making more friends, but I tend to either find most women I meet annoying/stupid/too bitchy or, if I actually respect them, think that I would not be good/interesting/fun enough to be their friend. Massive "they don’t like me" complex leftover from a childhood and adolescence of having only 15-20 people in my "high school" (we were all homeschooled kids who hung out together because of church), and often being the ONLY one not invited to various events.

And also, I now feel like I am in this weird zone of being too young for "adults" to want to be with (22), but too old for younger people (graduated from college and MARRIED). I really should just try harder to be friendly, but I’m shy on top of that. And I tend to complain endlessly, making me not all that attractive to be around. 😉 /irony

Post # 9
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’ve found that I’ve already "grown out" of a lot of my old friends… and for some reason single girls seem a little put off that I’m getting married… like I’m no fun because I’m going to have a husband. lol It’s tough, but on the other hand FI and I do everything together, and we match on so so so many levels, he really is my best friend. The only thing is… he’s not so into girl stuff!!

Post # 10
Member
44 posts
Newbee

I recently have made 2 new sets of friends at the local dog park! We take our dog there on the weekend!

Post # 11
Member
26 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My fiance and I attend many events with other young professionals and continue to meet new people.  Granted we are both extremely outgoing and meet new people anywhere.

Post # 12
Member
53 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m with quirkyparsnip on this one. I have no real friends to speak of.  I’m 34 and I don’t have anyone that I talk to other than a few emails a week from a gal just a little older than me that I met in college. Speaking of college, I just graduated May ’08 at the age of 33 and I still haven’t landed a professional job in which I could potentially make a few friends anyway, even if they were work friends.  Fiance has one real friend that recently moved 100 miles away for a job but they still talk almost daily, either by phone or text.

 I don’t know what to do to gain friendships.  Earlier in my 20s, I was constantly reaching out to people for friendships but no one has returned the favor. 

Post # 13
Member
631 posts
Busy bee

It gets so hard, especially when you’re busy.  I have friends from college that live in a different city, and I have a few friends here in Chicago, but a good number of them plan on moving soon.  I’m sad and afraid, because I really need good girlfriends in order to be happy!  🙁  I’m working on making a few new friends, so hopefully that will pan out.

Post # 14
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I have a hard time making friends.  I have "foot-in-the-mouth" disease which I keep mostly under control but occasionally i have an outbreak.  My friends have been my friends forever they are family.  New acquantances take longer to become friendships as I am loud, and unedited.  Like a lot of people here it’s easier for me online.

Post # 15
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I definitely think its hard to meet people as you get older. One way to meet people is to join groups or associations in your area (find an alumni group of your sorority, or join the chamber of commerce or a Women’s Club). 

I think that you need to go to many of these events before you find one or two people who you really click with and who you’d like to hang out with outside of the group/association. 

Post # 16
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

I think my last group of people that I would call friends was my college crowd.

I don’t really have/nor want friends in my workplace.

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