Post # 1
This is my first time writing in the relationship board…
My fiance and I have been living in Mexico for awhile now. Like other people have stated before its not easy to meet new people (friends) once your out of school and working. I feel it may even be harder abroad.
Anyway, there is a chapter of ‘meetup.com’ where I live in Mexico. The concept is easy enough. Its geared towards meeting people with the same interests living in the same area. For some reason I felt people would be more apt to meet up abroad since they are in a new and different place. Sometimes simple things like talking to someone in English is a nice comforting thing when living abroad. I am friendly with some of the locals. But,the feeling of wanting to connect with someone with a simular background is sometimes strong when far away from home.
I do work. And most of the time I do work odd hours. I thought I would have time to go downtown for the English speaking church service on Sundays. Thats supposed to be a nice way to meet other couples. But, that turns out to be one of my busiest days I work. Sssoooo, meetup.com started sounding like the most effective way to meet other expats. I wrote a new member to say ‘hi’ not to long ago and to say if she ever wanted to meet up for coffee to let me know. Well, she did get back to me with her schedule that had a small window of time open. And the thing is I wanted to make a real effort not a half ass one. So, I scheduled for the day off work. And I made a real effort to make myself look human, make-up and everything. I really didn’t want to half ass the situation and wanted to meet some good people. So, I got all ready. I know you know where I’m going with this…
I have to take a bus for about a 45 minute ride to get to where we were supposed to meet. But, thats cool, I was into it. It was a nice day so why not take a bus ride to get out of the house? So, about 2 hours before we were supposed to meet up she sends me an e-mail saying theres something elseoes she has to do. What the hell? I told my FI this is exactly why I trust him only. And I have been wanting a dog. I would of course know my dog was there for me.
Does anyone else feel its difficult to get people to commit for something as simple as coffee? Does anyone else have a story to share about trying to meet up with people once working, married and or living in a new place? The thing is how are we supposed to have relationships for future friendships if people flake on small things like meeting up for coffee? The girl did write me back and apologise but I did miss a days work. And the thing is I know she does not care because she does not know me. Why would she care. I’m just saying its frustrating. And the thing is, I’m cool. I know I’m a cool person with a lot of interests. And my fiance is the nicest guy.
Anyone else out there want to share?
Post # 3
Hi! I know how hard it can be living abroad and not really knowing anybody, but keep your chin up – it will get better. My family lived in South America (Bolivia) for a number of years. I totally understand the language difference, the cultural difference, and how hard a new place can be.
Yes, the English service at church sounds wonderful and is a great place to start. Don’t limit yourself to just English events, though. You’ll find that many people actually speak English, but they wouldn’t attend the English speaking events. Also, other expats can be really useful and can become really great friends, but so can the local people. A few of my best friends are native Bolivians.
You said you work…..do you enjoy any of your co-workers? Have you attended any of the meetup events? I also attended Spanish classes while I lived in Bolivia (my Spanish wasn’t great when we moved there), and I met many wonderful people in that class. Are there yoga studios near you (I don’t know if you’re into yoga), or “workshops” and class type things that interest you? I would try those.
Post # 4
@chica95110: We used to move every year when I was married to my first husband.
The best way to meet people is to do activities that you like to do. There you can meet people with similar interests.
Meetup can be great but don’t schedule meetings with individual people. Go to group events that involve doing something you like to do or want to do- hikes, bike rides, art gallery tours etc
It’s too easy for one person to get nervous and cop out and cancel.
Never take a day off work to meet someone. That is a waste of money.
Once you have met someone sharing an activity, it’s a lot easier to invite them to grab a coffee following the event.
Post # 5
@chica95110: First, just because she had to cancel does not mean you cant trust ALL PEOPLE. Sometime sh*t happens to really reliable people and sometimes you meet a flake, but that doesnt mean ALL PEOPLE are going to treat you badly.
I know you are frustrated. I know you want to reach out and meet people. But dont take each and every meeting so seriously. Have you ever been on a date with a guy who was WAAAAYYY more into it than you were? Yeah, really bad desparate vibes.
Not to mention, if you had to rearrange your schedule to meet her, it’s not a good sign that you’d be able to meet up with her again.
After school/college it is so much harder to meet people. The way I’ve made friends is church, volunteering and taking classes (not college classes, like language classes).
Does your church have services on other days of the week? Or does it have bible study classes? I know in many countries their is a running/drinking club for expats called Hash Hound Harriers. I just typed in Expats in mexico and there are many other clubs that you can join. Maybe there is a way for you to volunteer to teach English.
The opportunites are out there. Just find something you enjoy doing and you’ll meet like-minded people and a friendship will naturally blossom.
Post # 6
@Gr33nsLove: Nice comment… I know I didn’t say but I work at home. There are no co-workers. I used to work at a physical location here in Mexico but more. I don’t mind it though. I enjoy working at home. When working here in town it was quite the culture shock as far as the way they treat workers. I’ll leave it at that. Very hard work day and there was really no time to ‘hang’ with others.
julies1949 I agree with you that I will stick to group events that I’m interested in. What you said is true that its just to easy for individuals to back out. And your right that I did loose money literally by taking the day off. I won’t be doing that again.
KoiKove You opened my eyes to turning this converstaton in a direction I never thought it would go. I admire your stance but with all due respect your commets me seem like a crazy person and somewhat simple… I’m aware that just because one person backed out it does not mean I can trust no one again. That would be ridiculous. But, whatever. And for the 2nd accusation about taking things to seriously, I’m not. I am irritated about what happened but that is all. My life moves forward regardless. As far as the church goes there are is the one English service and thats it, one. Theres no bible study, there is only the one church service in English. And with all due respect I already do volunteer a few hours. And for what its worth you seem to be very much over oversimplifying the expat situation. The expat goings ons vary depending on where you live within Mexico. Theres not much going on expat wise where I live. Living abroad is not easy, just because you find some information on line does not mean its true and or simple.