(Closed) How do you not get angry with him?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1194 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My fiance had my ring for about 8 months before he proposed to me, and I knew he had the ring for the full 8 months.  As time went on and I continued to be ringless, I progressively became more and more upset and even a little bitter.  I couldn’t comprehend how he was still carrying the ring, why I didn’t have it and how he couldn’t just instinctively know how much it hurt me that he hadn’t propsed yet.  So, needless to say, I know where you’re coming from.

I spent a lot of time using the “grin & bear it” technique, even though I wanted to cry.  The thing that got me through was knowing that it was going to happen and it hadn’t for a reason.  He wasn’t trying to hurt me or make me upset, he had a special plan and was waiting for the perfect opportunity to enact that plan.  And, when the time was right, it was going to happen.

So, hang in there!  There’s a reason it hasn’t happened yet and respect his plan.

Post # 4
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

First off, please don’t use sex as a weapon. If you are truly upset, you need to tell him. Are you hoping he guesses? That will never work, men often don’t “get it”.  But denying sex because you are upset about something is not the way to build a relationship.

Is it possible he just doesn’t have the money yet? Or maybe he is waiting for the right moment…and you aren’t really helping to create that if you are holding back. I’m not saying you should have sex if you don’t fee like it, I guess I am just saying that open communication is what you need.

 

Post # 6
Member
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

@menobride:I don’t think she’s using sex as a weapon; but it’s hard to be intimate, and to want to be intimate when you’re upset, almost bitter…

VikingPrincess, hang in there… Try to trust that if he said he’s ready, it is going to happen soon – concentrate on the fact that you two want the same things and enjoy your time with him. After a while if he doesn’t bring it up, talk to him.

Post # 7
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I guess I think you are witholding if you have not been open and discussed your feelings. I know that there are others on the board that are waiting for their men to figure it out…or they whine about not being asked. I guess I just think that you need to be open about what you are feeling/thinking. Sorry if I misunderstood.

Post # 8
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I was with my FI for 6 years before we got engaged. I had been 100% ready for close to 2 years so I do know how you feel. Its frustrating and it does hurt a little because youre so ready and he just isnt asking (which feels like hes unsure about committing to you).

I remember thinking to myself, “I love him, hes the one I want to marry, we are together now regardless of a ring and we are happy so theres nothing to do but wait.” And of course, it happened and it was wonderful.  I was very happy I kept myself from badgering him although Im pretty sure I hinted heavily so that might count as badgering 🙂

Anyway, what Im saying is, if your happy being with him, and hes who you want to marry then theres nothing to do but wait ..as much as it sucks to hear. The upside is that you are with him now, enjoy it! Hopefully he makes it really special and shows you why it took soo long! hang in there!

Post # 9
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I was with FI for over 6 years before we got engaged. At first, he said he was not interested (he is divorced), but I made a decision that although I wanted to be married, I loved him and he was more important than a wedding. I definitely didn’t hound him or whine about it, but I would mention it from time to time. Finally, i just came out with it- we were in a restaurant and I told him in just a conversational tone, that I really wanted to be married and felt that I could never be 100% happy keeping things as they were. That I loved him, but it was important to me. Since we had been discussing moving across the country, I explained to him that I just did not feel as secure as I would if we were married, traveling across the country and leaving friends/family. He agreed. We got engaged two months later.

🙂

Post # 10
Member
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do exactly what you’re doing, VENT ON HERE! 🙂  That’s what we’re all here for.  take it all out on us, and try not to do the same with him. 

Also, try not to think of it as “waiting” so much as the relationship growing – the two of you growing together from dating to engagement to marriage.  It has to happen when you both are ready, which sounds like it will be soon but for whatever reason is not quite yet.

I hope it happens soon for you!

 

Post # 12
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

Try to let it go! I know you want to be engaged and married very badly, but it’s not worth getting bitter over. Have you tried Mr. Bee’s plan to getting engaged? Try to distract yourself with your wonderful life! Becoming more the girl that he fell in love with in the beginning will make him see again that you’re the woman he wants to marry. I know it’s so hard, but I feel like once I let it go and just focused on living my life with him, he proposed shortly after.

Hang in there! This will come…and he’ll appreciate your patience!

Post # 13
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I understand ! When I am upset/irritable or worried about something, I can’t get in the mood for the LIFE of me !

I was lucky. I learned enough from my dating experience to be 100 percent honest with FI when we first started dating. I told him I was looking for long term and wanted to get married in the next year or so. After that, it was easy to just start having “the talk” openly !

Post # 14
Member
204 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I second 2Peas suggestion to read Mr. Bee’s plan to getting engaged. I agree that when you are ready, and your future FI is not ready, its a really tough place to be in your relationship as it can cause a lot of tension. However, Mr. Bee’s plan addresses that and i think it will give you lots of good ideas ;o)

Hang in there!

Post # 16
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I feel for you.  Sometimes I find myself getting angry and bitter as well, and I have to remind myself that I’m angry and bitter about my own lack of control over the situation, not at him.  I know he’s working towards it, even though it’s a whole hell of a lot slower than I’d like! I ask for help every day in accepting and enjoying what I have in my life right now at this moment, instead of focusing on what I hope is soon to be.  It’s kind of a “one day at a time” type of thing.  I’ll have good days and bad ones, the point is to start each day fresh and with good intentions.  If it ever gets to be too much, can you talk to him and ask for a more specific time frame, explaining to him how you’re feeling?

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