Post # 1
Alright, my FI and I are both full time students. We also work and have decent paying jobs. I also have 3 kids from a previous marriage.
I have posted some polls about alcohol at my reception and the idea of doing drink tickets (3 drinks per guest) or host bar until we reach a certain dollar amount then switching to cash bar…
My question is- how do people pay for this stuff?! Ack. I know some people’s parents help or whatever, and some people have better paying jobs than us and aren’t dolling out $25,000/ year in tuition but still!
It’s hard for me to swallow when people tell me it’s tacky that I am only paying for 3 drinks and feeding people a full dinner at a really nice venue. My reception is small– 30 to 50 people.
It’d be nice to be able to pay the bill the whole evening, but that isn’t an option for us.
Are people really that judgemental at weddings??? I have only been to a few, and I think most were open for a while, then switched to cash at some point. I just can’t imagine expecting everyone having deep pockets and paying for me to drink as much booze as I want all night. I dunno.
Am I the odd one out here?
Post # 3
@2littleslauren: From my experience, yes people are that judgemental. My parents were very judgemental at first because they really wanted us to have a super traditional wedding with like 200 people. Once they realized that that wasn’t going to happen and we were going to have a 60 person wedding outside at an apple orchard they started to open up a bit.
I’m lucky that my parents and my FI’s parents are helping us with the wedding because we definitely wouldn’t be able to afford the wedding without them. We are both full-time students and we both lost our jobs.. and ahh. Writing this makes me want to freak out.
Post # 4
I don’t think cash bars are such a huge “No-no” like people seem to say. The last wedding I attended was 100% cash bar and I had a fabulous time! Don’t stress about it!
Post # 5
@mylittleviolett: I’m so sorry about losing your jobs! Being a full time student and planning a wedding is crazy, I know!! It’s great to hear they are able to help you out though!
Post # 6
@2littleslauren: No people aren’t that judgemental. It’s not “tacky”. I think the drink tickets are great, and I’ve been to two weddings and one RD where they were used. We got very lucky in that my FIL picked up 12 bottles of alcohol and mixers as a gift for us. We had all the beer and wine and would have just drank that until it was gone. I think people that know your situation are more open.
Post # 7
@RiverBride13: I’m glad to hear you say that because I personally wouldn’t care. I go to celebrate with the couple. They usually feed everyone, and that’s worth like $50 alone if FI and I went out for a date night in food alone. I don’t know, maybe I’m just not up with this etiquette thing! 🙂
Post # 8
@2littleslauren: Definitely …. Have you just started planning?
Post # 9
On and off for the last couple of months but just booked my venue today for sure.
Post # 10
Three drink tickets seems plenty for me!
Post # 11
I’m not going to comment on the alcohol thing because I think you’ll get plenty of input on that.
I just wanted to tell you that you shouldn’t feel bad or guilty. It sounds like you have a A LOT of financial obligations that are more important than paying for your guests’ alcohol. It sounds like you’re having a very small wedding with your nearest and dearest so I’m sure they know your situation and will be greatful for whatever you provide them.
We had an open bar and to answer your question we were able to swing it because we didn’t have nearly the amount of financial responsibilities you have on your plate. We didn’t have kids, a mortgage or school.
Don’t beat yourself up over this. Do what’s right for you.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
We had a beer and wine bar for two reasons: 1) the cost and 2) we didn’t want his mother to get belligerently drunk, and she doesn’t like beer or wine.
Personally, I think three drinks is plenty, and folks will be grateful for them.
Friends and family won’t be nearly as judgmental as a bunch of gals on an internet forum. You know your fam, and they love you. They’re there to celebrate your marriage, not critique your beverage options.
Post # 13
@2littleslauren: Some people are that judgemental, for sure. But those aren’t people who you should care about. If the kind of booze your serve or how much or if you serve it at all is their biggest concern, they need to STFU.
I’m so sick of people judging people for their weddings. Sure- some stuff is flat out RUDE and AWFUL, but most of these things are differences of preference or opinion. I don’t care if there’s an open bar, a DJ, a photographer, what kind of flowers they choose… if I’ve been invited to a party, I’ll pretty much show up with a gift and smile and try to have a nice time.
Post # 14
@2littleslauren: It’d be nice to be able to pay the bill the whole evening, but that isn’t an option for us.
It’s not only an option, it’s what you should do! YOU’RE hosting the party, why on earth wouldn’t you pay the bill???
Host whatever you can afford. If that means no alcohol, so be it. If that means inviting fewer people, so be it. You want the best possible experience for the people who DO come.
Post # 15
“How are you doing this?” – we only looked at venues that would let us bring our own alcohol which generally cuts the bill in half. At least. If your venue will allow you to bring your own – definately do it! Most will have you get an insurance rider attached to your home/renter’s insurance.
That being said, I have no problem with cash bars or drink tickets as far as thinking they’re in poor taste. Although drink tickets do make me think of business conferences, but whatever, not a big deal. My issue is that I would probably lose my tickets. Or forget them until I get up to the bar and have to go hunt down my fiance to give me one. It’s purely a practical and convenience issue for me. Because I lose stuff and forget stuff. For that reason I prefer a limited free bar (beer and wine only) to drink tickets. But that’s just me. I would not be offended or say anything at all about drink tickets if that’s what I got. Except – thanks for the drinks!!!
Don’t let people make you feel bad. Different people have different budgets and different priorities. It’ll be fine. Your friends and family are there for you and your fiance – not for drinks!
Post # 16
@oneofthesethings: ditto. If we couldn’t have afforded to host people the way we think is right, we wouldn’t have had the wedding we are having, full stop.