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So if this is a controversial topic, I'd like to know where people stand. I never really thought people would get all that upset about not having children at the wedding.
How do you feel?
We are all about the babies and kids in our families (both sides), so I say the more the merrier!
I love the title of this post, I just laughed so loud my coworker looked back at me like I'm nuts! It's like when someone rants about something, and afterwards you say in a decidedly sarcastic tone:
"So tell us how you really feel!" LOL!!
(BTW my maternal instinct is still buried deep inside somewhere because I'm SO not a fan of kids anywhere...but especially weddings! Hopefully that'll change!)
I think it's up to the individual wedding. Also, like a lot of things, I think if you bring your infant/child you need to be prepared to stand up and leae with the child when they become fussy, even if that means missing the ceremony/toasts/cake cutting. I cannot abide people that let their children scream and ruin everyone else's wedding/dinner/movie. And I love children! I just think it's important to be ready to leave if necessary...which I why I wouldn't personally want to bring children to a wedding I was attending.
I think it all depends on the mood of the event. A wedding with a late reception and open bar is not a place for children, say, after 9 pm. But, a casual afternoon wedding with a buffet is a different story, not to mention it all depends on the personal opinions of the bride and groom.
I have a small family with no small children, so it's never an issue.
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I agree that it's all about the tone of the wedding itself. A very formal, sit-down dinner reception--probably not child-appropriate, and the parents would likely enjoy themselves far more if there were child care provided or they took the time to get a sitter.
That being said, I couldn't imagine having a wedding without the little ones in the family there, too.
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If you are extremely close to the children, I think they should be invited, otherwise, no. We are having an adults only reception, with the exception of our only niece, who is the flower girl. If we did include chidlren it would increase the list by over 20 people. We are on a budget and want something more intimate.
I think this is a "to each their own" situation. Like angelastheboss said, it depends on the mood and style of the event and whether kids would have a good time and be comfortable there. Frankly, most of the weddings I attended as a kid were not at all kid-friendly and I would have been much happier had my name NOT been on the invitation. My brother and I used to beg our parents to leave us home with a sitter when they told us we were going to a wedding!
I don't like the intense guilt trip that sometimes gets laid on couples: "but children are FAMILY and weddings are about FAMILY and your marriage will be a SHAM if you don't invite FAMILIES." Putting that kind of emotional pressure on couples seems very manipulative to me. I'm pretty sure the marriage is still legal even if no one under ten is there to see it! Also, kids are resilient. They will get over not being invited much more quickly than the couple would get over being bullied into including them.
It should be known that i voted for children always being invited...but didn't have them at my own wedding. Mr Corn and his family have a very different opinion on kids at weddings than my family. In the end, his family won.
I think kids are the best part of weddings. They are cute to look at and when they look bored- you know everyone else is thinking the same thing too.
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I think it really depends on so many factors, including the personalities of the couple and the style and time of the wedding. An afternoon picnic would be great for kids, in my opinion, while a black tie affair that doesn't start until 8:00 PM might not be the best place for the under 12 set.
Personally, I love children and have worked as a teacher and nanny in the past, so kids will be more than welcome at our wedding. I'm so excited about putting together our kids' table and menus!!
I loved having kids at my wedding. Now, whether their parents loved having them there is another story....
Personally I wanted my friends and family to feel comfortable bringing their children-and they did, but we had a casual affair. For couples putting on a really formal affair, it might be different.
I will only have my 2 nephews and 2 neices at mine (ringbearers and FG's). There are SOOO many children amongst our family and friends that it would be crazy. So I'm making it an adult reception with exception of them. Plus the adults usually like to get away and have fun for a night without having to follow their little ones around all night!
I think it depends on how formal or not your wedding is, and how many children there would be!!
I like kids enough and think they are pretty funny on the dance floor but am so not a fan of crying babies at the ceremony. I just feel bad for the bride and groom!
Personally, we are not having kids at our destination wedding besides his 2 neices (1 is our flower girl) and nephew. They are all over the age of 6 too. Besides, there will be quite a bit of drinking at the reception and I just don't know how I feel about exposing kids to that, especially since we have some friends/family friends who don't drink. They would probably go home crying!
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I think inviting the children is more dependent on the PARENTS. I've seen parents who know they are going to have to take their kids out if they get too loud for too long, or hungry, or whatever, and they just get up and do it and no one notices. And then there are parents who think it's fine if their kid is yelling throughout the whole ceremony (or church service, movie, play, etc.), destroying things, etc. and they just sit there.
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I think that it depends on the wedding style and the couple. I know that for us, it wouldn't feel right to not have kids and babies and everyone else there. And, if there is crying during our vows, or fingers in the cake before it it time (other than mine, haha!), so be it. But, ours is a casual wedding, and we are lucky that the children we know have very responsible parents and will be well taken care of.
When I am a parent, I don't think I'll feel bad about not having my children be invited. I'll consider it a nice excuse for a date night.
Newport you and I think exactly the same in this situation! The only child who is invited is my neice who is also the flower girl -- but we already have babysitting arrangements set up for her in case she gets tired too early (she'll just be 3 at the time of the wedding!)
With that said, we are really struggling with this right now -- it's really the only issue we're having with the wedding. We have told everyone that it is an adults only reception ... because if we invited children (under 16) we would increase our guest list by 31 -- 31 kids under the age of 16!!! (And they would mostly be under 10.)
But, both my fiance and I are inviting guests whose weddings we attended as children - and now we arent inviting their kids, it sucks! It is such a hard decision because children are such an important part of family, I mean it's how families grow!!
I have been to many weddings with and without children and I have to say that it really depends on the wedding. Day versus evening. Indoor versus outdoor. I love children, heck I want to have five of them! and I want to be a preschool teacher! But children at wedding receptions can be a huge distraction to all the other guests. I have found that they often "take over" the dance floor and have the chance of getting tired early and therefore forcing the parents to leave the reception earlier then they would like.
Who knows what we will end up doing, but it's definitely a to-each-their-own situation.
I think it's a to-each-their-own type of situation. We're having an evening wedding with a smaller guest list, so we decided not to invite anyone under the age of 16. Neither of our immediate families have kids in them, so it was just friends and cousin's children who weren't invited. So far, all the parents have said that they're looking forward to having an adult night out!
I am, however, always a little bummed when people assume that if you don't invite children to your wedding that it means you hate kids. I LOVE kids, I'm a teacher and am totally psyched to be a mom someday. Knowing as much as I do about young children, I just don't think that kids and formal evening events are a good mix.
I agree that it depends on the couple...we had lots of babies at our wedding because our close friends have kids...but I would not be offended if someone chose not to have kids at their wedding...and I wouldn't take it to mean they hated kids
Here are some of my favorite pictures from my wedding...he was 2.5 years old at the wedding and so well behaved...he tells his Mom (my best friend) that his favorite auntie is the one in the white dress...melts my heart!
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I depends on the tone of the wedding, as well as the type of relationship the marrying couple has with the children. If you're super close to your five-year-old niece and want her to be at the wedding, go for it.
But personally, I don't think having kids under 12 or so is a great idea. I was a flower girl in my cousin's wedding at age 5, and while I felt very special and very pretty in my little dress, I was bored to death. (It was also 100+ degrees in the non-air conditioned church and was SO hot). It's a very long and boring ordeal for a young child with a short attention span. I also think parents in attendance will enjoy the ceremony more if they're not worrying about keeping their kids entertained/quiet/under control.
I think it's an excellent idea to get a babysitter and have a "kid room" if you plan on inviting several young children.
I personally would never uninvite kids. But our wedding is in the afternoon and has a game theme, so how could we? That said, if you're having a super formal or a wedding that takes place later at night, then I think it's up to you. The kids will likely be cranky having their routine thrown off, so meltdowns could ensue.
I was actually just struggling with this earlier. Currently we're planning on inviting kids from out of state, but not inviting the ones nearby. My parents and FI say it's fine, but I'm feeling guilty about it. Seems like it should be even, but I'm unsure. I'm not really a huge fan of a ton of kids, but I feel like if I'm asking people to travel from CA to MI, then they should be able to bring their kids.
HistoryBride, I can see where your family is coming from with inviting out of state kids but not local ones, but I'd also consider how local parents are going to feel if they get to a reception to which their children weren't invited and see other children there. Are you against having kids under 18, or is there a cutoff age that you're comfortable with? Maybe not inviting anyone under 8 or 10 would be more comfortable? (I tend to see 8 years old as the age where kids can kind of entertain themselves independently without having to be very closesly monitored) I think it's important to be consistent to avoid hurting feelings and coming across as arbitrary in whose kids you are and aren't comfortable with.
I hope that helps. Good luck!
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Some families are so children centric, that it is natural and gorgeous to have children running around! We don't really know any children, and none of our sisters and brothers or friends have children yet, so it was organic that we didnt have children outside of our flower girl there. I'm not opposed to children at weddings, but I've never been to a super super fancy formal wedding either... and I can see how they would feel out of place at a black tie event.
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Personally I am not against children at or in a wedding, however for our wedding we are not inviting children or having any in the wedding. It was a personal choice that fit are specific event, but I don't have any strong feelings one way or another.
I ticked off a lot of people by not allowing children at my wedding. I don't regret it, there were no crying babies during my ceremony, no screaming toddlers running around at my reception, and my maid of honor enjoyed herself without having to worry about her (six, yes six) children. I think it is important to note that my venue was not child-friendly, it was a historic mansion with lots of breakables. It was also small. No child would have been happy there.
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It totally depends on the venue and time of day. A morning/afternoon wedding in a park setting with lots of room for the kids to run around works ok. An evening wedding at an elegant hotel where the kids have to sit still for hours waiting for food and listening to long speeches= bad time for everyone.
It totally depends on your situation and the style of your wedding. If it's a super formal affair in the museum of rare historic artifacts (lol) then no I wouldn't advise little hellyans roaming around aimlessly. But if it's a laid back family oriented wedding then that shouldn't be a problem. There was no question about having kids at ours, both our son and daughter were in the wedding. One of the things I knew I wanted to do was create a kids table were they could sit and entertain themselves. I made our own wedding coloring books and made kids packs with crayons, games, stickers, glow bracelets, bubbles, etc. I also had cupcakes on the table for them and they had a blast at the candy buffet. There was not a kid there that didn't leave without a handful of goodies in their arms. I loved it that they all got out there and danced their lil butts off too. They had such a great time and there were no problems with kids roaming around causing trouble.
Historybride, are you inviting the OOT guests' kids because you don't know if they can find a babysitter? If you want kids at the wedding, that's fine. But if you are only invitingthem because you fear teh parents won't know what else to do with them, I suggest trying to find a babysitter for the wedding. Hopefully you are having your reception in a place that has some sort of spare room. Some reception halls do. Also if it's at a hotel, you could also use a spare bedroom or two. that way the OOT kids have a babysitter. And the in town guests don't get upset that so and so got to bring kids but I didn't.
I want the kids that I know well at our wedding. But having said that- I have some friends who have two kids. One of which is a very disruptive boy. And my fiance does not want to invite that family because he can't bear the thought of their son having a meltdown. But otherwise, we love kids and don't mind in the least. I think it just depends what kind of parents you have, and how well they can care for the kids...
I went to one venue- which we didn't go with, that had a kid room and you could have a babysitter care for the kids. Also there was games and a big screen tv. I don't know if that is an option. Just to have he kids there but in their own space elsewhere but close by.
I think it's couples choice. It's their day- I wouldnt complain either way.
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We are having a semi-formal evening ceremony/reception - aboslutely NO KIDS - and im a mom!! I had my boys youngs and they are at a tolerable age (12 and 14) and frankly, been through the bratty years and I am def. not dealing w/ that on my wedding day! Plus almost all of our bridal party has little ones so we oouldnt invite 1 and not all, thus resulting in literally 20 kids under the age of 10! WIth that being said, I only want my boys there becuase we are really trying to make them feel special that day, we want the spotlight to be on them just as much as it is on us, so just my 2 and that is all!
I love children but understand the issue.
HistoryBride- Could you hire a babysitter or maybe have members of your church watch them? Im from a small town and I know the older ladies at church would love to do something like that. Just a thought.
We are having children at our wedding but I am having 'kids only' tables. Their centerpieces will be spun cotton candy in vases and vases filled with jelly beans with licorice sticks in a candy floral arrangement. Coloring books and 'kid' games will be provided.
I say children are disruptive and destructive and our wedding is too sophisticated for them. The rest of you can handle it how you please, but our venue is at a winery, not really the place for kids. That being said, I can't get out of inviting the children of our nieces and nephews. I'm jut hoping someone has the good sense to take them home at their bedtime. We will be having a children's activity table that will hopefully stave off any boredom meltdowns, I just hope none of them disrupt the ceremony.
They are family and in a way I feel they should be there, but at their ages: 9, 8, 4, 3, and 2 at the time of the wedding, I'm guaranteed at least one hassle I just don't need that day.
For us, we are inviting children that we are related to, but we are not inviting the children of other guests. I'm happy to have my small nieces/nephews/cousins there because I know those chlidren will grow into adults who I care about and will be a part of my life. Plus, I'm glad they will be in our family pictures.
I'm pretty torn. I mean obviously its your own choice. I'm sort of at a cross roads myself. I had really wanted a smaller wedding, and not inviting kids was deffinately a way to do that. But...After seeing some of my youngest 2nd cousins at the engagement party get together and have a ball with our flower girl and ring bearer, I sort of want to invite them all. We're planning an outdoor tented BBQ style reception anyway, so its far less formal in a lot of ways. I'd feel like its good luck to see running, happy, playing children of friends and family at your wedding (especially if you're looking to start a big family yourself).
We would have added 30 children to our guest list and over $1,500 in costs. The kid's meal at our venue is $40 and I need a babysitter for every 10 children. Our reception also starts at 7:30. I LOVE kids but I just don't think it is a place for them. I'll be having 2 FG a ring bearer and possibly my niece. But frankly I'm not too keen on her being there because she won't even be two and I just feel like it means my FILs and her parents will be forced to leave early, which is so not what my fiance wants. If I was having a day time reception at a more affordable venue they'd be there in a second. I think it is up to the couple. I think most parents want a night off
I am ok with inviting kids. I haven't been to an adults-only wedding. I'd leave it up to the parents to decide how they want to spend the evening.
I understand where you're coming from.. You wonder, are they going to behave? Are they going to start crying when I say I do? But then, my favorite part of a reception is when there is a crazy uncle or cousin doing his thing on the dance floor, when the grandmothers break it down, and when the kids wear themselves out gettin down. I just love to see everyone of all ages dancing together, celebrating family, and I can't imagine a wedding without that. 
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