Post # 1
I really did not want to register because it felt weird to me, but I won’t lie and say I wasn’t excited about getting presents. We really didn’t need anything; however we felt the upgrades would be nice. Once we got the presents we got a bit caught up in it all and we ended up ordering some things from our registry we didn’t get with gift money. 2 months later and I have to say, we really didn’t need any of the things we asked for/got. Not that I don’t enjoy them, but we just didn’t really need them. And now we have mountains of stuff (old replaced by new stuff, old not used enough, or past presents from b-days/Christmas that we didn’t get rid of out of guilt immediately, but didn’t use) that we need to get rid of and I kick myself for not using the gift cash for an experience (like a day/weekend trip) rather than on stuff we wanted rather than needed.
To add we’ve been decluttering and downsizing our possessions. I just keep thinking, what a waste of money! I appreciate the sentiment of gifts and I do enjoy some material things, but it all feels like a waste. And the past month of decluttering has been so psychologically freeing (although you wouldn’t believe how much we have parted with based on how much we still have!).
So, what are you doing to control the influx of new things? Do you tend to hold onto and own a lot of things or are you more minimalist? Does having “stuff” stress you out? How will this relate to wedding gifts?
Post # 3
We were really excited about the influx of new things as neither DH or I had much in the way of kitchen appliances, bathroom things, bedding, towels, cookware, etc.
Post college, he moved in with a friend who already had all these things so DH didn’t need to buy them and my company put me up in a furnished apartment for 10 months so I didn’t need to buy them either. So when we moved in together in April we were missing many things. But we didn’t want to go buy them ourselves since we were getting married in 3 months and knew people would by getting these things off our registry. So we scraped by with what little kitchen, bathroom, etc stuff we had until the wedding presents arrived.
It’s really nice now having the things we need to cook, clean, etc and we don’t have to worry about cluter as we didn’t have duplicates we were upgrading.
Post # 4
I kind of sort of regret registering mainly because I am INSANELY overwhelmed by the amount of STUFF we have sitting in our living room right now. I can’t handle the thought of putting it all away, and I also feel this intense pressure to use all of it as soon as possible. Silly, I know, considering we’ll have it for years. And I’m also having trouble throwing away old stuff, which, even though it’s old, still works fine! I’m going to have to donate it or something…
Post # 5
We have way too much stuff now also, but I see it as an investment for our future. WE only currently use the gifts that we actually NEEDED, like a new coffee maker (our old one died), knives (our old ones were rusted), our new glass mixing bowls and our wok. Everything else is in storage and we will use when we eventually buy a house. It will be so nice to throw out or donate all of our old stuff and have less things to pack up and move into our new home with new towels, silverware, glassware, plates, serving platters, etc.
What makes me sad is all the off-registry stuff we received. There were a lot of duplicates (like we registered for serving platters and received all of them, but other people got us additional platters we did not register for). We won’t ever use these things, so I am hoping to sell them. I know it sounds mean, but that is the true ‘junk’ in my opinon, things we didn’t need or want and now have to dispose of.
Post # 6
I completely relate. I am a “minimalist to to max,” as my friends say, so the idea of getting a bunch of stuff through registering scared me. The more stuff I have, the more anxious I feel. My FI, however, is a pack rat, and we finally decided that the registry could be a good thing for us. We’ve registered for nice upgrades to our many years-old, grungy things, with the idea that when we receive new things, we will immediately purge the old thing(s) they replace. For example, a new 8-piece cookware set will hopefully replace the 20 or so odd low-quality pots and pans cluttering our cabinets. I think we’ll both be happier with one streamlined set of things! We also kept our registry pretty small–22 total items, I think.
Post # 7
We are having a small wedding, so we were able to really on register for things we really will use and that will last >15 years (that was the criteria for all the items put on our registry. (except for the ice cream scoop I snuck on there…I really want a nice one, and I don’t expect it to last so long).
I know we’ll get some stuff we don’t need (or want), but with our small guest list it won’t be much.
We have a strict rule in our house: For every new thing we bring in, we have to recycle/give away/throw away an old thing. We’ll enforce the rule with wedding gifts, as well. A lot of women’s shelters take donataions of household goods to use to help women get estabilished in a new home after leaving an abuser. If you can use the tax write off, that is a good way to do it. If you want some money, you can list your old stuff on craigslist–you can just throw a bunch of kitchen stuff in a box and advertise it, and I promise some college kid will be happy to have it.
Post # 8
I’m a bit worried about this – FI’s not bringing much but I’ve been living on my own in a 1 bedroom apt for the past four years so I’ve accumulated everything that will be necessary for apartment living, which we’ll be doing for awhile (gotta pay off those student loans!). So I’m going to try VERY hard to keep both myself and him from getting trigger happy and keep our registry only to things we are lacking or need upgrades in.
Post # 9
And, if you are worried about too many gifts, that can be avoided by either not having a shower, or having an alternate there shower: everyone brings their favorite wine, or everyone brings a favorite recipie, or just a real live “no gift” shower. That way, you only have wedding gifts and not shower gifts to contend with.
Post # 10
I’m actually super excited about it– but I think I’m in a different situation. We’re 25 and we own our own house and whatnot… but we were both living in apartments up until 6 months ago and we are both pretty frugal people. We are still using the plates my mom got for me on clearance at Kohls like 6 years ago. Every one of them is chipped, they are NOT microwave safe (so annoying) and there is only 7 of them! FI had 7 people from work over last night and we didn’t have enough plates so we had to use paper plates, so embarrassing! We have 3 tall drinking glasses. Our silverware is what I purchased in a ziplock at a garage sale for $1 six years ago. So we really NEED new stuff. We could’ve bought a lot of it ourselves in the past 2 years since we’ve been out of school and working, but it was pretty clear where we were heading so I have always put off buying anything and figured I’d register for it.
Post # 11
Well, the only reason we’re even registering is because of his family who live across the state and probably won’t come as well as a few friends who might not be able to make it (one we’re figuring will NOT make is but will probably want to send something, anyway).
I don’t even know what to register FOR!!! (pretty bad, huh? lol) And I KNOW one of the places we’ll end up registering will be Macy’s. (What the heck am I supposed to register for THERE?!?!?!? And yes, I HAVE been in a Macy’s several times… I prefer Dillard’s though…)
Post # 12
I feel the same way. Most of our current kitchen stuff came from yard sales or was stolen from the college dining hall. So that was obviously great to upgrade. It’s nice to have dishes and glasses that actually match. But other stuff like towels I couldn’t bring myself to register for. We have great towels…yea they are 5 years old but they are still in good shape and they do the trick. And towels can’t really be donated or reused either, so they’d go to waste.
I am definitely overwhelmed by the amount of stuff we got. And FI is not good about getting rid of old stuff, so I sense this causing some tension between us. :/
Post # 13
I still lived with my parents when I met FI, so all I contributed to our relationship in the way of “stuff” was a lemonade pitcher, a big spoon, and a couple of salad dishes I stole from my college cafeteria. LOL FI had a few things, but because he works long hours and rarely cooks for himself, his kitchen inventory was like: 1 giant frying pan (seriously, I think it’s 14+ inches!), 1 small saucepan, 1 very small pot, and 2 Ziploc storage containers.
Our first Christmas together, my aunt got us a bunch of necessities: a real cookware set, a toaster, a small crockpot. It’s been a great help, but I still find myself missing things like spatulas, tongs, covered frying pans, etc. So, I registered for the necessities first, then the upgrades to the things we have, then the other stuff I wouldn’t mind having on top of that.
We also live in an apartment currently, and don’t have room to store a bunch of stuff. But that’s changing in about two weeks when we move into a house. For now, I’m having the gifts shipped to my mom’s, since she has a place to keep them safe for now, and we’ll be there for the wedding/when we return from the honeymoon.
And I view it as an investment, too. My mother is still using things she got as wedding presents 35 years ago! I plan on doing the same, until things absolutely need replacing.
All that said, we haven’t gotten many gifts yet, and my shower is this weekend. So I’m still hoping for MORE stuff! LOL
Post # 14
I love most of the things we got from our registry, and adore the rest of it. We only registered for things that we really wanted, and I have a great love for nice equipment around the house. To me, it makes a big difference to have actual red and white wine glasses instead of some generic ones we got from Ikea or Goodwill. We got a lot of kitchen gadgets which have been a lot of fun to play with, and I am over the moon in love with our china.
Just different personalities, I imagine! I actually wish we’d gotten more of the things on our registry, since our guests passed over some basic staples like sheets and towels. That’s what completion discounts are for though.
I will say, though, that the number of boxes and amount of packaging we had to haul out to the recycling bin became annoying quickly, and I owe my engineer husband for accomplishing the task of fitting all our new stuff into our already-packed kitchen cabinets when we got back from the honeymoon. (I opted to take on the “laundry” task at that point and just let him at it – I had my doubts that it was possible, but he did it.)
Post # 15
Wedding and shower gifts, though lovely, have totally overwhelmed me. There were things we did need, to replace old/broken/poorly made items (ahhh, the joys of being students!) but then all of a sudden there was all this STUFF. I think a lot of older wedding guests assumed we would have a house for all the buffet sets and serving dishes, but we live in a one-bedroom and are about to relocate for my B.Ed. This has meant that a lot of gifts have been donated or given away, and I feel guitly, but itf it’s not beautiful or useful, then it doesn’t have a place in our home (that quote is stolen, but I don’t know from whom). My husband J. is a pack rat, and also tends to feel guilt whenever he gets rid of something his family gave him, but we just can’t keep on accumulating things that have no purpose in our life! That probably makes me sound like a total b*tch, but I just don’t see the point in hanging on to things that aren’t useful or that I don’t like. I have the feeling that this will be a constant issue in our marriage, as he comes from a family of compulsive shoppers and hoarders, who give because “it feels good” but don’t give meaningful gifts! Meanwhile, my family is much more practical and down to earth, and also really stress the importance of handmade items, buying used, trading, bartering, making do, etc. It’s tricky. I’m not sure how we’ll handle it when we have kids, but it is worth thinking about!
Post # 16
I can definitely say that we were overwhelmed with the gifts as well! A lot. We were graciously given so much “stuff” almost entirely on our registry thus leading to possession guilt. I love all the items individually but have been and continue to purge on old things and gifts we will never need or use. It is very freeing!