Post # 1
This is directed to young brides, although it could be answered by anyone.
FI and I got engaged over Christmas. We have been together for 3.5 years, and living together for 2. FI will be 24 next month and I am 21. Our wedding is at least a year away.
Btw, lets stay on topic. This isn’t a discussion over whether young brides should wait longer to be married 🙂
Anyways, I haven’t received any negative comments from my engagement, our family and friends are estatic and have been waiting for this moment. We have been lucky to have such supportive people in our lives! However, tonight I am watching my best friends sister’s kids. Her sister used to babysit me and I have known her and her husband since they were dating (10 years married now). Everytime I see her husband he goes on and on about waiting to get married and to go play the field while I can.
Maybe he’s internalizing his wishes that he waited (they were married young). But they always seem so incredibly happy and in love. They’re both very successful and have 4 amazing little kids.
I know it’s coming tonight! He’s going to drill me with questions and go and on about why I should wait. (Btw this has nothing to do about my FI. He’s only met him twice and everyone loves FI, he isn’t the type to rub you the wrong way).
Is it rude to simply say he’s my best friend, I love him, and we don’t need to explain ourselves to anyone?
Post # 3
@cls9q: I would ignore the “don’t get married” part altogether and say “Do you really think it’s appropriate for you to make suggestions about my sex life?” because fuck playing the field. He’s a married man and has no business suggesting anything to you about who you should date or have sex with.
Post # 4
@cls9q: I would drop “and we don’t have to explain ourselves to anyone” and stick with “he’s my best friend, I love him. We’re so excited about this and we really hope that you’ll share in our joy!”
Done and done 🙂 not saying your answer is immature, (I agree with you on your point even) but a slightly more mature laid back response will probably be more well received and he’ll be more likely to accept it and move on!
Post # 5
@lalalyanne: I was afraid it sounded too defensive, I just want him to get the point that it’s not up for discussion!
But ty! I like how you said it
Post # 6
@MexiPino: I know. It makes me wonder how his wife feels when he’s telling me to date around while I still can. If I was her it would make me feel like he wished he would have done more sleeping around
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia
It could be his way of asking you, “Is this what you really want?” as he might still see you as a baby. It’s his way of testing if you’re ready for marriage.
Men. They have troubles articulating sometimes.
If I was in your position, I’d be saying, “I appreciate your concerns and well-wishes, but I am happy. (Pause then deflect) How did you know your wife was the ONE?”
I always choose the deflection route, lol
Post # 8
@cls9q: If he says something inapproproiate or rude or negative…just widen your eyes and say “wow.” and go back to whatever you were doing. That’ll make your point very clear!
Congrats on your engagement!
Post # 9
I’ve had people tell me that like you, I should “play the field” before “settling down”. I calmly, but firmly told them that if I wanted to sleep around and date a lot of people, I would, but I don’t feel the urge to do that. I found the right guy, and I just so happened to meet him when I was 20. Why would I break up with a guy who I love so much, who makes me so unbelieveably happy, just because I could have sex one time with someone I don’t care about and will never see again? It just seems silly. I also comment on the term “settling down” that people love to throw around. If I felt that by marrying SO, I had to settle down, I would be in the wrong relationship. By marrying SO, my life is only beginning and we can now take on all sorts of adventures like traveling, careers, children, hobbies, and new friendships as a team rather than solo. It doesn’t mean I’m giving up my individuality, nor is he. We’re just doing the things we love to do, together.
Some of the people who like to comment on the fact that SO and I are young to be considering marriage like to comment repeatedly (every time I see them). This is why I go with calmly, but firmly. I tell them once in that tone, and every time they broach the same subject, the level of calmness stays the same, but I become more firm. I have gotten to a point with one particular person where while I am calm, I am no longer polite and I make it very clear that his input is not welcome.
Post # 10
I used to get them a lot from the parents of the kids in the infant room!
Apparently they saw getting married as where life got serious! They got married, bought a house, had kids… And now life is super stressful!
So I always laughed it off.
Post # 11
In my opinion, you don’t need to explain yourself to this guy at all (for example, by saying that he’s your best friend, etc). Just say “thanks for the advice.” What can he say to that?