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Address the envelopes to only the parents. That is a good hint. Some people put "Adults Only Reception" at the end of the invite, though I don't know if I would go that far. You could also provide an enclosure with wedding website info, that directs the website to babysitting suggestions (a good hint) along with other things they can find on the website (this is what we are doing). Maybe something like this:
if you're curious about:
-hotel accommodations
-babysitting recommendations
-the best things to do in the area
visit our website for all the juicy details!
www.weddingwebsite.com
The etiquette dictates that you address the envelope to the the parents only- Mr. and Mrs. as opposed to The XYZ Family.
Most people should know what that means. If they call you up and ask- or put their kids on the RSVP, just explain to them that it's an adult only reception.
Ha - I actually just blogged about this today! The suggestion I think I may be going with is putting something like "adult reception to follow" on the Reception Card - but I do like @mandalynn17's suggestion above too!
We just addressed the invitations to Mr. and Mrs. Smith and not The Smith Family. So far, everyone's RSVP'd accordingly. I did have one friend where I was worried that she would bring her kids anyway, so I just let her know that we had decided not to invite children. That way, I knew that she couldn't RSVP including them, because she knew specifically that it wasn't just a mistake that her kids names weren't on the invite.
We addressed the invites to only the parents, and on each rsvp we added, if it was a couple, we have reserved 2 seats for you. So there would be no question, and let both sides of parents know so they can field questions of people who still want to inquire about their kids attending anyway. I rather be clear about it before hand without saying adults only reception, and so I don't have to tell people after they already assumed their kids were coming.
I've had people call to ask if they can bring their kids, despite the fact that the invite is addressed to "mr. and mrs. so and so". People don't know any better. I'd put "adult reception" at the bottom and follow up on any couples RSVPing for 3 or 4 people.
On the website we did (we did phone and website or email rsvp that's it) it says 0 out of 2, 1 out of 2, or 2 out of 2. You could offer check lists. Surely people won't write their own in!
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We are hoping that addressing inner envelopes and our RSVP wording will do the trick. Here's our RSVP wording
--
The favor of a reply is requested by July 4th
We have reserved ____ seat(s) in your honor.
Name(s)___________________________
#___ Accept with pleasure
#___ Decline with regret
--
I lke the idea of the addressing to only Mr and Mrs on the invitations and then probably putting "adult reception following" with babysitting suggestions on the website.
thanks for the suggestions..although I still have this feeling some people may still be offended by it.
My family is a little...hmmm....unconventional when it comes to ettiquette, and even if we wrote adult only reception or "2 seats have been reserved in your name", they would think to themselves, "surely that number doesn't include kids", so my father has to specifically call and have a discussion with 3 of my aunts to make sure that the whole community isn't invited.
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My fiancee and I are planning on having a small wedding which means the headcount is a set limit. The list is already overflowing but we're thinking only 80% of the list will rsvp and come. Then we had the sudden realization some of our friends have kids and we would just prefer not to have them there with the alcohol flowing. How do you say nicely that you would prefer they left their kids at home so they can let loose and enjoy the party into the wee hours of the evening?
How do you guys suggestion this on an invitation or politely letting them know this? Is it out of line to ask this?