Should I tell him I know when he plans to propose???
more by HotSauce
No older images
She's a Bridesmaid for another wedding on the SAME DAY!
more in Bridesmaids
BM shoe help!
Tips for First-Time Painters?
more in Boards
Need advice for outdoor ceremony/tent reception

How do you say "No...I don't want to be your bridesmaid"???

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
  •  
    1.
    Member
    26 posts
    Newbee
    HotSauce       New York, NY

    I have been a bridesmaid in 3 weddings in the past year.  A friend of mine, not a super close one in my opinion, just asked me to be in her wedding. We haven't spoken in quite some time and I randomly texted her to say hello and she responds saying she is getting married and wonders if I will be a bridesmaid and ALSO asks if I can drive to MD this weekend to get fitted for my dress.

    Um...how do I politely say "thanks but no thanks"???  I know being asked to be a BM is very to important to most people, but being as though I don't think we are that close of friends AND I'm honestly drained with being a bridesmaid, how can I put it nicely without hurting her feelings.

    Someone mentioned saying I can't afford it, but I'm just not comfortable saying that.  Any other suggestions???

     
    2.
    2,566 posts
    Sugar bee
    Statutory Grape    March 2014  

    Why aren't you comfortable saying you can't afford it? That would be the easiest way. Another way would be to say that you wouldn't be able to devote the time and energy needed to being a BM (really, all a BM has to do is buy a dress and show up, but she'll probably get the hint).

     
    3.
    Member
    728 posts
    Busy bee
    afuturemrsl    July 30, 2011   Massachusetts

    I would go with something along the lines of I am honored you thought of me but I am taking on new responsibilities at work and I don't feel comfortable being a part of the wedding party without giving 100%. Do you live quite a distance from her? I would play that up if you do.

    As Statutorygrape said, she will probably take the hint. Beware she may take it personally.

     
    4.
    Member Icon
    Member
    1,013 posts
    Bumble bee
    simplifiedbride    June 2011   California

    yeah, i think statutorygrape is right.  the easiest way to deal with it is to just say you can't put the money/time/effort into it.  i imagine that this is true, anyway, if you've been in 3 weddings this past year!  even if that's not the case, remember, honesty isn't always the best policy (especially when it's "i really don't want to be in your wedding, and i don't consider you a close friend, so why are you asking me anyway?!"), and it's just better to be nice.

     
    5.
    258 posts
    Helper bee
    FallFlowers      

    I doubt she'll be offended.  Honestly, it sounds to me like another bridesmaid backed out and she's scrambling for plan b.  Why else would she wait to ask you till the weekend of dress shopping?

     
    6.
    Member
    3,319 posts
    Sugar bee
    mishelleez    November 5, 2010   DW- Bahamas

    I would say that Im too busy. have to much stuff going on right now and would rather say no now then have to back out later.

     

     
    7.
    Member
    26 posts
    Newbee
    HotSauce       New York, NY

    Thanks for all the suggestions so far.

    @FallFlowers: I wondered the same thing...like why she would wait until the last minute? And if I didn't text her would she have even asked?

    I also failed to mention that she's having a destination wedding in Mexico. I'd much rather just show up as a guest and enjoy a mini vacation.

     
    8.
    Member
    665 posts
    Busy bee
    FutureMrsBPB    October 1, 2011   Maryland

    I totally agree with everyone...it's completely ok to say no, you don't have the money, or you're too busy at work or whatever.  I told one of my old college roommates that I just couldn't give her the time that she would need right now, so I didn't want to be a lousy bridesmaid...so I just wanted to politely decline. 

     
    9.
    Member
    797 posts
    Busy bee
    sboston06    October 10, 2010   Boston area

    I have said no to being a bridesmaid before.  I just said I had a lot going on in my life and I didn't feel that I could properly be there for her as she deserved.  It worked well and I didn't feel guilty about it at all.

     
    10.
    Member
    1,669 posts
    Bumble bee
    menobride    June 5, 2011   NH

    Well, if you tell her  you can't afford it, then take a trip to Mexico...hmm...

     

     
    11.
    Member
    404 posts
    Helper bee
    pat291    July 17, 2011   canada

    Just tell her that you have alot on your plate right now and you don't want to disappoint her so it is best she ask somebody else. That is pretty much what my aunt told me when she declined...let me paste her e-mail here:

    "Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials Thank you for considering me as one of the wedding parties but there are several changes that is occurring in my life most of which I am not even sure of and I don't know where I will be come next year and I would hate that my plans interfere with such an incredible moment in your life so alas I would have to decline as one of the bridesmaid! I hold in loving vibrations that everything come together beautiful for you both with ease and grace.

     
    12.
    Member
    1,202 posts
    Bumble bee
    nmsoonerbride    March 19, 2011   Live in New Mexico, wedding in Oklahoma City

    Don't tell her it's for financial reasons unless it really is....to avoid the possibility of her negotiating with you about buying the dress, ect.  Just a smiple:  I'm flattered, but I just have too much going on right now"  is perfect.

     
    13.
    Member
    1,457 posts
    Bumble bee
    guitargirl    October 2009   Ohio

    I agree with PPs that I would politely say how much you would love to be a part of it, but that your schedule/life changes will prevent you.  If you say money is the issue, she can fix that, but she can't change your schedule.

    Snaps for you that you're getting out of it instead of saying yes when you don't want to.  SIL asked me, and I really wanted to say no but with all my siblngs in the wedding, I felt I had to say yes, and it was awful.

     
    14.
    Member
    6,816 posts
    Busy
    Beekeeper
    moderndaisy    June 2010  

    Wait, did she actually ask you to be a BM via text? And honestly it sounds like you were an afterthought if it's this last minute, maybe someone else backed out. I would be too offended to say yes b/c of both of these things and politely decline. I would CALL her and say that you are extremely flattered, but absolutely cannot make that strong a commitment at this time.

     
    15.
    Member
    26 posts
    Newbee
    HotSauce       New York, NY

    Hello all,

    Thanks SO much for all the advice.  I followed your advice and told her that I had too many things going on right now...which was kind of the truth and it worked out.  She said she completely understood so woooo hooo for me!  Laughing

     
    16.
    Hostess
    16,857 posts
    Honey
    Beekeeper
    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    I'm glad she understood!

     

    Reply

    You must log in to post.





    Visit our sister sites eHarmony
    Online Dating
    eHarmony Advice
    Dating Advice
    Project Wedding
    Wedding Songs
    JustMommies
    Pregnancy Calendar
    Copyright 2004-2012, Weddingbee.com
     

    Find your vendors on Weddingbee

    Real reviews from brides in your area!

    Favors by Weddingbee

    • Favors by season

    Shop Now ยป

    Find Registry Find Registry Find Registry

    More
    User Posts Today
    Lyndzo 46
    AshleyR83 24
    mypinkshoes 23
    Ms. Salamander 23
    beargoose 22
    rebwana 21
    Jenlon 20
    his chippymunk 20
    kat2014 19
    fishbone 18

    Bridesmaids

    User Posts Today
    LammChop 11
    ticklemepink 3
    raspberry bride 3
    TwoCityBride 3
    funkymunky85 3
    janetsnakehole 3
    Miss Root 2
    SapphireSun 2
    Jenlon 2
    Mrs. Chai 2
    More