- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
My fiance really, really doesn’t get along with his family. Don’t get me wrong, he loves them, but they’re very overbearing. Whenever we go to visit them, FFIL will snap at fiance about the things he’s doing wrong in his life (as well as fiance’s younger brother who still lives with them). FFIL can also get pretty snappy to FMIL. FMIL is always tidying the house and everything has to be “just right.”
Now, I love FILs very much – I get along with them better than my fiance in most cases! There’s a lot less arguing and stress when I’m there (according to fiance and the in-laws), but I can’t stand the stress that is there when we visit. Whenever we visit, fiance is berated for not visiting more often and gets the whole “Since you’re in town, you’d better visit your grandparents (both sets) as well as your aunts and uncles. Oh, and friend so-and-so was asking after you, so you’d better see them too.” We can never relax when we’re there and, when we leave we’re asked when we’ll be back. The only circumstances in which it’s ‘acceptable’ for us not to visit them again next weekend, is if we’re going to visit my family (and if we try to alternate weekends, then fiance gets in trouble because “only visiting every other week just isn’t good enough!”). Not to mention that if I say something like “Oh, next weekend we’ll probably just be relaxing at home,” they start making plans to come visit us (usually with no more than 30 minutes warning).
To give you an idea of how stressful it can be visiting them – my fiance and I have been together for about 3 years now (and I’ve known his family the whole time). Two months ago, we were visiting them and fiance, FMIL and FBIL were washing the dishes. FMIL made a joke and both fiance and FBIL laughed. That is the first time I’ve heard laughter in that house between the parents and children that I haven’t had to start somehow, and it’s the first time I’ve ever seen fiance smile when speaking to his parents.
Anyway, long story short, his family are very stressful to be around, they constantly put him down, they want our lives to centre around theirs…I honestly love these people and don’t want to cut them out completely, but how do we draw a line without any hurt feelings?