How do you stay excited about waiting without ending up disappointed?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
453 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Haa..I think we have all been there. You just have to remember that guys don’t think like most of us. What is most important to guys (usually financial aspects) is not usually the main importance to women (relationships). With that in mind, you have to just let him talk and not expect it. There’s old sayings for good reason “good things come to those who wait” and “things happen when you least expect it”. Just don’t put a lot of thought into it. Do discuss it with him when he brings it up. Be excited about it and he will, too. If you get upset at him, he will prolong it. Just be your happy self and live your life to the fullest and carry on like normal. 

I did have the same thing happen, he gave me a time frame even and that time came and went. It was when I was getting upset (in my mind only) and was actually contemplating (to myself) on whether I should move out as it seemed it wasn’t going to happen. It was when I gave up expecting it to happen is when it happened. Same thing when I met him. I gave up looking for a guy and stopped dating when I met him. 

Hang in there. It will happen..but on his time frame. After the engagement, it becomes a whirlwind. Let him have this. 

Post # 3
Member
8035 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I deal with this too a lot and this is my plan these days: when he brings it up Ill satisfy whatever itch he has then casually change the subject. I do not bring it up ever*. When Im with him I keep my focus on just enjoying the moment and his company. I tried banning the topic and he got very upset “did you change your mind?? You dont want to marry me anymore?” Woops! I had to explain, yes of course I still do I just want it to happen naturally, and dont want you to feel pressure.  

*this is because were on the same page and have agreed on a timeline. I dont want to spoil the surprise factor because its really important to him.

Post # 5
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

I’m in the same boat you’re in. I never thought about it until my S/O  brought it up and it was just like a switch was turned on and now I can’t turn it off. I haven’t brought it up to him in awhile, but I find myself stalking WB daily, heck even hourly to keep me occupied. Honestly, this site has been a love/hate things for me. I love that I can speak to other women and learn from them and feel comforted that I’m not alone. But on the other hand, I find myself looking at their beautiful rings and reading their engagement stories and I find myself yearning for what they have. I find that if I’m occupied then I don’t think about it much at all. This site is a great place to vent. Honestly, this stage that we are in now is pretty exciting. We’ll never get this moment back again. So I’m trying to enjoy the emotions as they occur.

Post # 6
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

It’s almost impossible. But I’m sure that day will come and it will be everything and more…

Post # 7
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee

I feel like that too… my boyfriend will sometimes get into these moods where he talks about getting married…. but 5 years later I’m still waiting. I think it’s getting worse now because when he tells me good night he kisses me on top of my head and says that he wants to marry me some day, but I now I have another year on my timeline.

Post # 8
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

Its a frustrating place to be, eh?  I never really thought about marriage much until my boyfriend told me not to expect a proposal anytime soon out of the blue.. I knew I wanted to get married, but a timeframe wasn’t that important.  He, however, decided I must have the itch because I’m the last single one of my friends and his friends are all either married or engaged now.  But once he told me not to expect it my brain said WHAT?? WHY??? And NOW I can’t stop thinking about it..

I still never bring it up, but he does all the time.. and I don’t get whether he is trying to reassure me he does actually want to marry me or if he isn’t sure and is trying to patch an open wound.  I  just change the topic, listen to what he has to say, or switch the topic to one of his friends’ wedding plans.  I have told him many times it bothers me that he told me not to expect anything and then brings up marriage a lot.. I’d rather just not talk about it and him either propose if the time is right or tell me he has had a change of heart if that happens.  

I think it is totally possible to stay excited though!  I have been having a hard time staying excited just because I’m so unsure of whether he has had a change of heart or not.  If he hadn’t said that, I’d be like you and not want to talk about it too much.  Mostly because i’d get too excited and bust at the seams!

Post # 9
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Sara1923:  I know. I feel exactly the same. Things are moving forward with us (he contacted a jeweler about commissioning a ring, and she contacted him back) but he’s not gone any further with it. And it makes me feel almost less about him because he’s procrastinating.

 

Post # 11
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

Sara1923:  Congratulations!!!I’m so happy for you. I think my S/O is going to try to catch me off-guard too.

Post # 12
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

 

Sara1923:  yay! Congratulations. Wondeful news!!  If only they knew us well enough to realise we’d prefer to be in on the secret, huh?! 

Post # 13
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I tried to stay focused on the fact that the most awesome guy ever wants me to be his wife someday. That’s pretty exciting! That didn’t always work in the year I was ready and he wasn’t, but it helped a lot. Talks about the future were really reinfircing too. Even if he just said something like, “I wonder what our kids will look like since we’re so different,” it meant the world to me because it told me he wanted life with me too.

Post # 14
Member
4483 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

read your update, congrats!

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