Weddingbee boards

we wrote on our wedding website that we were registered at  www.honeyfund.com baby.  we also wrote that traditional chinese red envelopes were welcomed and we linked that to a wiki page explaining what they were.  well, we're asian though and so most of our friends and families are used to this.

A friend of mine is getting married for the second time (her first husband was killed in Iraq), and her mom and sister wrote in her shower invite, "Since K and N are very blessed to have most of what they need around the house, please just come and enjoy your time to celebrate their marriage." Of course no one is really going to show up without giving them something...so a more tactful way of saying no gifts please.

If you're really concerned about spreading the word (which is difficult for me in my family because of distance issues) write something like this on your wedding website/invitation/whatever:

 If you wish to bring a gift, the couple would appreciate any contribution to their House Fund/Honeymoon Fund/whatever.

I honestly don't see why that would be rude. It's a suggestion for those who WANT to bring a gift. The fact is, most, if not all of your guests will bring something. Pretending gifts don't or shouldn't happen at a wedding is like calling a ladies' sweat "glowing". It's quaint and Victorian, but also kind of dumb. My friend went the "spread the word!" route and guess what she got for her wedding? Two items off her registry and a whack of unreturnable odds and ends. Now, it was sweet of her guests to bring a gift at all, of course, but if you are looking to actually get something you want (instead of hosting a massive post-wedding garage sale), you have to ask. If you're comfortable with the possibility that no one could follow your mother's/FMILs/MOHs cash suggestion, then go ahead and "spread the word". If not, you'll just have to ask (politely, of course.)

 Another option that's even vaguer and actually sounds more modest is:

Please no boxed gifts.

I think in this day and age we should all get over this antiquated etiquette rule.

GaBGal -  Haha, I have never even heard of that! Good to know, though. That would be unfortunate phrasing.

Others - When no one mentions the wedding registry or what have you in an invite/website, I buy them something random or a gift card to somewhere. I don't really spend time trying to track down a relative to figure out what they want. I think very few people actually do. All I'm saying to the OP is if she really can't live with the idea that people can do that, there's really nothing else she can do but politely mention her gift preference. I find it much more rude to send an invite telling guests how they may dress for your wedding! (ie. "black tie" etc etc) In comparison to that I think diplomatically stating a preference IF you even WANT to bring a gift is nothing.

I guess I just appreciate honesty as opposed to faking smiles and pleasure over things you don't need.

I didn't read through all of the posts, but I definately don't agree with some of the ones I read.  I don't at all believe that by not registering, it implies to your guests that you only want them to come for the loot.  I don't think anyone spends time agonizing over their guest lists based on who will bring a gift. You invite people you love or who are dear to you (in most cases...sometimes you're obligated of course by family and work associations).  I also don't think it's rude or out of pocket if you just aren't geeked up about a registry.  A lot of couples are already semi-established and have all the housewares and electronics they need and don't really care to go through the process of replacing EVERYTHING just for the sake of "etiquette." Since it's a little bit late in the game, at this point I think your best bet is to put your wishes on your website (tactfully of course).  In most cases, people take the safe route when there's no registry...they give cash and gift cards.  That way, you buy what you want or update what you have - however you guys decide to.  Hopefully, if you do recieve gifts, they will be useful and not duplicates of things you already own, in which case, you would just return the items to the store (if there's a gift receipt). 

My opinion comes with what I'm doing, it's the best way to explain it, hah: I'm not registering anywhere, and my explanation is that we don't anything. I'm not doing it to invite the giving of money (though I'm sure it will happen inevitably), I'm just doing it because we seriously do not need anything else in this house. I don't care for registries anyway- it's great for couples just starting out, but for eclectic personalities and established couples, it's pretty much pointless. Come, enjoy our celebration, and if you really feel like you need to give us something, then that's your perogative and we will of course be thankful and appreciative, but we certainly aren't looking for it!

I have been trying to figure out the same thing. 

My mom is Ms. Etiquette and said NO WAY NO HOW do you come out and ask for the moolah.  She said she understands that we don't need anything and our apartment is tiny.  She said just don't register for anything and if people ask just say "We really don't need anything and we don't have space for anything anyway!" she said then maybe people would get the hint and think of giving us money so we can invest in our own home (which is what we hope to do). 

As for my fiance's family, they are Asian so it seems like the envelope thing is part of the tradition.  I've been told our reception with his extended family will be like Goodfellas.