(Closed) How do you tell guests you want money?

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

You can do a honeymoon registry, but there is really no classy way to ask for any gift, especially one of money.  Your best bet is to tell your parents and bridesmaids your preference and let them spread the word.

Post # 4
Member
2365 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

You cannot ask for money!!!!!! Not in any way at all. I’ve read that there is some kind of "fund" thingy you can register with, I guess it’s as if guests are giving cash- but don’t ask and don’t spread the word!!!

Post # 5
Member
2476 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Hmm this is a tough one.  I understand where you’re coming from, but there is no tactful way to ask for money.  I agree with @Niki that your best bet is to have your parents and bridal party spread the word. 

Are most of your guests Chinese?  If so, they will most likely give you money in red envelopes anyway, right?  It’s Chinese tradition after all… 

Post # 6
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

ya i didnt set up a registry and most ppl have been mailing us checks, as its a chinese tradition to give money more then gifts.

 

one of my friends set up a honeymoon registry where ppl could give them money towards massages, dinners, etc

Post # 7
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

this is what i don’t understand about wedding tact…if someone is going to get and get you a 50$ gift that you are registered for, why couldn’t they just put that 50$ in an envelop??  my fh and i are not registering we are an older couple and came into our relationship with many things: 4 sets of dishes, enough towels to soak up an ocean, and at least 3 blenders!!  what we need is a house or money to put toward a house…we just told our parents to spread the word…honestly though, we just want people to come to the wedding and have a good time, we don’t care if they bring anything..that is not what weddings are about!!

Post # 9
Member
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

i think u should just not sign up for one and most ppl will probably give you money and i would probably guess you will end up with a few cheesy gifts but thats how it always ends up being

Post # 10
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

we wrote on our wedding website that we were registered at  http://www.honeyfund.com baby.  we also wrote that traditional chinese red envelopes were welcomed and we linked that to a wiki page explaining what they were.  well, we’re asian though and so most of our friends and families are used to this.

Post # 11
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Ditto with Ms. Boardwalk. We registered at http://www.honeyfund.com, spread the word, and many of our guests are Asian so they’re pretty used to it.

We also have a small regular registry on Amazon.com which includes an option for gift cards. At the very least we figured that we would have some cash on a site that might be useful later on. 

Post # 13
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I was particularly weary of doing a honeymoon registry because of the fees. This one doesn’t have any set up fees or commission because it either is cash/checks that are mailed or given to you at the wedding else through a paypal account.

I do know of a few people that have done it with no problems, so I think it’s safe. 

Post # 14
Member
1956 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - Tannery Pond at the Darrow School

I think the best way to get money is to not set up a registry (don’t know if you’ve already done this or not).  Everyone I know who is married said if you don’t register at places, you get a lot of checks instead…If you have already done that, you can always return things, providing you have the receipt, so that could be another way to not have piles of new dishes and appliances in your house…Good luck!

Post # 15
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Could you at least register for some bigger items?  Electronis?  That way guests might either think to go in with each other, or think while they can’t buy you a flat screen TV, they can give you a check to go towards it.

However you do it, it’s not proper etiquette to tell people you want money.  It implies that you want them to come because they’ll bring a gift.  That’s why you don’t put registry info on the invitations.  Sure they will most likely bring a gift, but the registry is for the shower.  It just so happens that the info is still available for the wedding.  And my argument is for the guest who really wants to give you something sentimental, and is hurt because all you want is money.  (What if they already have your gift?  It might be your aunt who crocheted you a blanket.)  What if this is someone who doens’t ahve a lot of money, who could find a great deal on a gift and feel good giving it to you.?  (But if they felt they had to give you money, would feel embarrassed with giving you "too little", or pony up more money than they can afford to save face.)

Post # 16
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2007

A friend of mine is getting married for the second time (her first husband was killed in Iraq), and her mom and sister wrote in her shower invite, "Since K and N are very blessed to have most of what they need around the house, please just come and enjoy your time to celebrate their marriage." Of course no one is really going to show up without giving them something…so a more tactful way of saying no gifts please.

The topic ‘How do you tell guests you want money?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors