How do you tell your bridesmaid….

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I paid for my maid of honor’s hair and make up.  If you want her to have it professionally done that’s what you will have to do. Otherwise you can’t make that demand. What she chooses to spend her money on is on her. If this is something you want, you pay. That’s it in a nutshell. 

Post # 3
3280 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You don’t. It’s her choice, it’s not a requirement as MOH. Half my bridal party got hair and make up the other half didn’t. And there is no way in hell I’d consider spending over $50 on it even if I wanted to. It just gets washed off! It’s really not a big deal, just let her decide 

Post # 5
5187 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

You can offer your BM to pay for her makeup, but it’s still her decision if she wants it.  If her personal preference is to do it herself, you must respect that.  As for where she travels, it’s her choice to make too.

Post # 6
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017


Qookii:  It’s up to your friend whether or not she wants to get her make up done. If she doesn’t want it, then leave it alone. You should be more concerned with just having her up there with you on your day, not how well her make up will be done. I would be fine even if my best friends wore potato sacks and no make up as long as I had them there with me on my day. There is no way to tell her anything without sounding like a jerk. And as for her trips, she can spend her money anyway she wants, she’s not required to come visit if she wants to do other things with her money.

Post # 8
347 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Qookii:  If you are going to require that your bridesmaids any of them or all of them have professional services done. You should be ready to pay for it… which you said, which is great.. But in the end, it may be your day, but it is her face. Perhapes if she declines, have a bridesmaid who is pretty good at makeup help her with it or “get ready together”.  Maybe talk to your friend, to see what’s going on with her life, maybe she has other things happening that make her unavailable to you to help plan your wedding. Have you asked her to come and help with specific tasks? Maybe if there were specific things that you needed her to help with she would see that you didn’t want her to travel to you, just to hang out.. travelling can get very expensive. Not sure where she lives where she was travelling from melbourne, or the circumstances of that travel, perhaps business related? IF this is you friend just have a honest conversation, which can be diificult and see where you stand. Goodluck

Post # 10
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If she doesn’t want it done, and plans to wear makeup, you might just mention to wear a foundation without a sunscreen, as apparently those with sunscreen do not photograph well.  Mine was Estee Lauder Double Wear Light, and it did not have sunscreen.  I am sure you could find something cheaper.  Anyway, I would just mention it and leave it up to her. 

Post # 11
3090 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Qookii:  All you can do is offer to pay for it, but ultimately, unless you want to come right out and voice exactly what you’re saying, you can do no more. As hard as it is to imagine, not a single person is going to be looking at your bridesmaid and her makeup. One of my bridesmaids told me she has no interest getting her makeup done, even if I paid for it. I don’t particularly care, though, because at the end of the day my thought process is this: I will be in the wedding gown. People have come for my wedding. No one is going to be so focused on a bridesmaid that I fade into the distance. And as for the whole bridesmaid coming to visit thing…Again, it’s not for you to tell her where she should be spending her time. Would it be nice if she came to visit? Sure, but again, as someone wisely told me very early into my engagement, “No one cares about your wedding as much as you do.” So while it would be lovely if she was there to do wedding things, it may not be her top priority. I’m sure she’s excited, but she also has a full life that does not revolve around your wedding.

Post # 12
1287 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Qookii:  If I were in your shoes, I would do the following:

1) Accept that your wedding, although extremely important and amazing, is only going to be your #1 priority.  Everyone else, directly or indirectly involved, will give you one day of their time and attention, love and support.  Anything above and beyond that is a privledge, not an expectation.  As far as your MOH goes, I am guessing she has not been extremely helpful due to distance, which is not entirely her fault 🙁  Certainly give her a call, and go over things you may need or want, and ask about her travel arrangements for that weekend!

2) Do not make it a choice to get their hair/make-up done!  Tell them you are paying for their services, and give them their time slots to get it done.  I spent more than I care to admit on professional services, in house, the morning of.  I did it NOT because I felt my beautiful bridesmaids needed it, but because I wanted them to feel completely pampered, doted upon, and to sit back, relax and drink champagne.  

You may feel disppointed now, but my hope is the events that weekend, make you realize just how loved you are!!!


Post # 14
1116 posts
Bumble bee

Qookii:  Why does she NEED professional make up doing?

Post # 15
100 posts
Blushing bee

Qookii:  gotta say I totally get where you are coming from and I would feel the same way. It’s your wedding and she should be honoured just to be your MOH. wanting her to get her make up done really isn’t much to ask! and I think it would be kind of rude of her to refuse, especially if you are paying for it (not sure if you have told her outright she should have her make up done?). As PP said, don’t even give them an option. Just tell them this is the time and place And I will be treating you! 

As for the flights, whilst it would have been nice, she doesnt necessarily have to fly over prior to the wedding as I’m sure she is paying for her flights over for the actual wedding? Which, by the way, I agree she should have booked by now. 

Its your wedding and she is your MOH, she needs to pull her head in and be a good friend. I’m sorry you’re having these issues!!

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